Ignoring me

[Willowlady]

Went to visit mum with my sister at her CH. It's been nearly 3 weeks since we've seen her due to COVID in the home.
She was snoozing on her bed when we got there. She acknowledged both of us, then went back to "sleep". She definitely wasn't asleep, but blanked us both, pretending to be asleep. We waited 20 minutes but she wouldn't talk to us. We both knew she was pretending. Less than 2 minutes after we left she was up and in the lounge with a mug of tea and a piece of cake. When asked by the unit manager of she'd enjoyed seeing us she'd just burst out laughing. Why would she do this? It was so hurtful. I'm know dementia can make a person do odd things, but this has nearly broken me. Am I just over reacting?

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Willowlady my wife has done this from time to time I wouldn't worry about it. Perhaps think of it as giving her a little bit of pleasure and, maybe, control at your expense. My bet is that she'll be different again next time you visit.

 

[Mr.A]

Yes, unfortunately dementia make people do odd things and from experience this is one of them that can't be explained. I used to call them withdrawal days. There may or may not be a reason, possibly because you hadn't been for a while and it was pay back time. Who knows. It's not too big a worry and it will be different next time I think.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Maybe it's childlike behaviour - like a young child playing hide and seek and hiding from granny then laughing in triumph afterwards when granny says she can't find them.

 

[SweetPepper]

I think it’s one of the few things she can still control. So many others choices will have left her due to the illness, but being awkward or difficult is still available.

 

[Scarlet Lady]

I agree with @Mr.A . I suspect your mum was paying you back because she didn’t really understand why you hadn’t been able to visit, @Willowlady. It’s hurtful, I know, just one of those things. But as others have said, she’ll have forgotten by your next visit, so try not to dwell on it.

 

[Willowlady]

Thank you all for your replies. Here's hoping she doesn't do it again. She's already told us on more than one occasion that the CH staff are her new family now. ?

 

[Mr.A]

I certainly hope she doesn't do it again but no guarantees. My wife did it several times but sometimes after withdrawing all day as I was leaving and kissed her goodbye she would respond as if everything had been quite normal. It's one of those quirks that can't be explained. Yes, the CH staff obviously do become like family and this is no bad thing because they see them regularly and come to trust them. I began to feel that they were family too at times. Several of them came to the service at the crematorium and today which was her interment two of her carers came along to that as well. How they must have loved and cared for her so well. Almost like family. It really hit me to think that they had thought so much of her. Bless them.

 

[goose64]

My mother-in-law does this, usually if we ask her if she would like something to eat or drink. I call it militant sleeping

 

[DreamsAreReal]

Yes, the CH staff obviously do become like family and this is no bad thing because they see them regularly and come to trust them. I began to feel that they were family too at times. Several of them came to the service at the crematorium and today which was her interment two of her carers came along to that as well. How they must have loved and cared for her so well. Almost like family. It really hit me to think that they had thought so much of her. Bless them.

That's very touching, that they thought so much of your Wife @Mr.A ??

 

[Willowlady]

I certainly hope she doesn't do it again but no guarantees. My wife did it several times but sometimes after withdrawing all day as I was leaving and kissed her goodbye she would respond as if everything had been quite normal. It's one of those quirks that can't be explained. Yes, the CH staff obviously do become like family and this is no bad thing because they see them regularly and come to trust them. I began to feel that they were family too at times. Several of them came to the service at the crematorium and today which was her interment two of her carers came along to that as well. How they must have loved and cared for her so well. Almost like family. It really hit me to think that they had thought so much of her. Bless them.

Dear Mr A, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are OK.