If you partner has dementia - how many of us want to walk away?

MaddieJ

Registered User
Sep 1, 2017
60
0
I only felt day before yesterday that I would love to walk away and not come back. Then I told myself that it was my weakness. I then questioned myself regarding hard decisions I have had to make in the past re loved ones and thinking maybe I made the wrong choices then. Questioning myself/actions. I even felt that the current situation is my punishment and I must toughen up and bear it. It's like my brain is becoming irrational whilst in this situation and I should punish myself. Rationally I know none of this is true it was just that moment of weakness that made me say to myself I could walk away. Thanks all for sharing, I don't feel quite so guilty now.

I was more rational yesterday! Today has been a bad day but I didn't get the feeling I wanted to walk away. Here's to tomorrow.
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
I know I shouldn't, but I had to have a laugh at that.:D
Due to the way my wife behaves I think that they should add something to the list of symptoms of dementia:-
................................................... 'They become a limpet' ............................................................

It's just as well that I'm head over heels about my wife(most of the time!!) and understand the reason for the behaviour - otherwise it would be hell!:)
Oh KP I am pleased you laughed! I meant it to sound funny - albeit true! - and I’m pleased if it did. Today’s task done, if I’ve managed to make one of us amused on TP, however fleetingly! And thank you too for your comment about being so devotedly in love with your OH. It’s the same for me and I need every ounce of that now, as we all do.
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
M
I only felt day before yesterday that I would love to walk away and not come back. Then I told myself that it was my weakness. I then questioned myself regarding hard decisions I have had to make in the past re loved ones and thinking maybe I made the wrong choices then. Questioning myself/actions. I even felt that the current situation is my punishment and I must toughen up and bear it. It's like my brain is becoming irrational whilst in this situation and I should punish myself. Rationally I know none of this is true it was just that moment of weakness that made me say to myself I could walk away. Thanks all for sharing, I don't feel quite so guilty now.

I was more rational yesterday! Today has been a bad day but I didn't get the feeling I wanted to walk away. Here's to tomorrow.
MaddieJ, I am the same, questioning myself, my motives, my demeanour with family - and my anger - every moment. I still do not understand what makes dementia so confronting to the carer who is emotionally involved with the PWD they are looking after.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,746
0
84
East of England
M

MaddieJ, I am the same, questioning myself, my motives, my demeanour with family - and my anger - every moment. I still do not understand what makes dementia so confronting to the carer who is emotionally involved with the PWD they are looking after.
The only consolation is that many of us feel the same conflicting emotions and don’t like it very much. I have been thinking about this and I think it is because of the loss of control, of ourselves but more importantly of the relationship we have been used to whether partner with partner, parent with child. I feel helpless in the face of this irrational person whom I have known for years and who is becoming unknown. We want to walk away to somewhere familiar and normal but can’t do it, a great source of conflict. I hate my inability to ‘get through’ to someone who is behaving quite irrationally and I feel a failure even though I know at the same time that I am being the irrational person now. It takes some doing to keep ‘sane’, which I put in quotes because it seems almost profane to use that word in the face of insanity. Take heart dear Carolyn as I take heart from everyone who posts here.
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
0
New South Wales Australia
I have spoken to a few geriatricians and I feel confident that the difference between living D, and talking about it, are immense.
They think they “know” - ‘your partner has memory problems’ well is that just a tiny bit of it - in our case the conversations are crazy except on the very basic level - eg would you like a cup of tea ??yes that would be lovely. In the next sentence “Donald Trump is playing cricket for Russia”! “That’s nice” I say . Or “really - “ . I think I am getting quite good at just playing along. When I do loose my temper- thankfully I can rely on his bad memory not to bring it up
 

malcolmc

Registered User
Mar 11, 2017
44
0
Colchester
The only consolation is that many of us feel the same conflicting emotions and don’t like it very much. I have been thinking about this and I think it is because of the loss of control, of ourselves but more importantly of the relationship we have been used to whether partner with partner, parent with child. I feel helpless in the face of this irrational person whom I have known for years and who is becoming unknown. We want to walk away to somewhere familiar and normal but can’t do it, a great source of conflict. I hate my inability to ‘get through’ to someone who is behaving quite irrationally and I feel a failure even though I know at the same time that I am being the irrational person now. It takes some doing to keep ‘sane’, which I put in quotes because it seems almost profane to use that word in the face of insanity. Take heart dear Carolyn as I take heart from everyone who posts here.

That sums up my feelings so well. I have immense admiration for everyone on here who is living 24/7 alongside a PWD. I have been in the "relatively lucky" position where my mum, 180 miles away, has been able to cope living at home with a single care visit a day, the 3 webcams I use daily to monitor she is safe, plus monthly 3-4 day visits from my wife and I. At the end of the 3-4 day visits I'm relieved I can "walk away" as I find is so incredibly hard to deal with mum's irrational and stubborn behaviour. No matter how many times I tell myself this is the disease, not the mum I used to love, I still find it impossible after a few days to cope and not lose my temper, especially when she refuses to take her meds, saying she's already taken them, when it's clear she hasn't.
 

Herewego

Registered User
Mar 9, 2017
92
0
I have not read everyone's posts, but can empathise with all of the ones I read! My OH was fomally diagnoised in May 2017 (Dementia - Alzheimer's, although I think it is with Lewy's Bodies) but I had seen it coming since 2011. I had been the carer for his mom as she lived with us for the last couple of years and prior to that I did most of what was needed for her as my OH could not cope with it. Hence when I saw some of the first tell tale signs, I realised what was likely the cause - took the kids a bit longer to agree with me and then the OH took ages before we finally convinced him to see the Dr. As a very inteligent individual tho' he came back from the first simple test the surgery do (he went without telling me or asking me to go along) saying he got a 100% so was totally fine! It was only after he drove into the front of our house that he fanially agreed to go again and this time I went along and then got it in the neck for 'telling it like it was'! I think my OH has a family (on his mom's side) that has dementia in every generation and many of the aunts and uncles have had it - his last uncle dying from it in January.

My OH is 8 years older than me and while we did not have a great marriage (from my point of view), we have 4 great kids and 3 grandchildren - it is 40 years this year. I guess I don't think about walking away because it is not an option in my thinking - but I do find myself wondering how long it will be and thinking about what I will be able to do when this phase of my life is over. I am not looking forward to the next few years, but I am really looking forward to the time after my OH is gone. I feel guilty that now knowing what the future holds I am hoping it will pass quickly (for both our sakes) and I can get on with life.

At the moment, the OH seems quite happy (although still talks about trying to get his driver's licence back) he spends an inordinate amount of time looking for stuff, glasses, clothes, briefcase etc. He is however, driving me nuts! He has it in his head we have another house so keeps asking about it, how did I buy it without telling him, then commenting on the other person that is living in it and they might take the furniture, who is paying the rates etc. This has been a recurring theme of his since last year, it is just getting worse and at points I just say I am not discussing it anymore - give him the same answer everytime - no other house, no other person, etal but somehow that does not compute!!!!! I have occassionally said where is this other house, and he says he doesn't know but sure he has seen it.

There are a couple of things that seem to have become clear to me now having had experience of carring for two people with dementia:

1. It is easier to care for an in-law than a partner or parent - the emotional attachment and subsequently the emotional baggage influences how the relationship between carer and those cared for play out

2. That the traits of the individual become the driving force for how the disease plays out in individual's. That is, if the individual was quiet and self contained not subject to outbursts and generally a calm individual it is likely they will just become quieter and withdraw within themselves. While if they are a worrier, or prone to anger or outbursts, this is likely to be more pronounced through the various stages of dementia.

Neither of the above points are based on anything more than my own observations and experience but has helped me to make sense of the course of the dementia in the two people that I have/am taking care of.

I have a 'day off' tomorrow as I have a whole day out without my OH, can't remember the last time I had that.........so looking forward to it!! I am going to look at day centres after Easter as I really need to keep him occupied at least one or two days a week, or I may have to reconsider my decision to 'stick it out'! I don't think he will agree to it so I have a cunning plan - will ck the local ones out and pick the one I think he will go to and then get one of his male friends to take him and introduce him to it = he will never agree to go if I try to take him. Here is hoping!!
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
The only consolation is that many of us feel the same conflicting emotions and don’t like it very much. I have been thinking about this and I think it is because of the loss of control, of ourselves but more importantly of the relationship we have been used to whether partner with partner, parent with child. I feel helpless in the face of this irrational person whom I have known for years and who is becoming unknown. We want to walk away to somewhere familiar and normal but can’t do it, a great source of conflict. I hate my inability to ‘get through’ to someone who is behaving quite irrationally and I feel a failure even though I know at the same time that I am being the irrational person now. It takes some doing to keep ‘sane’, which I put in quotes because it seems almost profane to use that word in the face of insanity. Take heart dear Carolyn as I take heart from everyone who posts here.
Thank you so much for what you say, @Grahamstown, and for your loving support. Your analysis is very astute. More and more my predominant sensation is of chasing my OH down the hallways of his memory.

I am so glad you know our eastern seaboard cities. We did our doctorates in the UK so yours are not unknown to us either. Another shared bond!

The boys (our son and his partner) were wonderful to us in Sydney. We got back late yesterday. They showed us a great time. I’m not sure, though, that a great time is what I most wanted! In six nights and seven days I had precisely 45 mins to myself. OH would not leave hotel without me. One morning I left him there and raced out for a wonderful, invigorating walk in what is after all my home town.

I am trying to accept that sympathy and understanding are what I get from close friends and from my dear TP comrades in arms. They do not - or not directly - come from our son, however close to him I am and however devoted he is.

He keeps saying how wonderfully well his father is doing. He is a doctor and fully aware of the medical situation. But he will not give me sympathy or face up to what this ghastly disease is like for the carer. So he does not respond when I complain and like you I then feel so remorseful.

I feared in Sydney that the dementia, if I am not very careful, will poison my relationship with my beloved son because of this. I do get desperate for empathy from him. I want it in listening and in words - but the fact is that he is demonstrating his love and concern through his active support and taking us around. He also comes to stay at least twice a year since the diagnosis. I must reframe my reactions to recognise what he is doing rather than yearn for what is, under the circumstances, and with OH being his father, beyond him.

Dear Sue I hope you are managing ok. I’ve asked the TP admin about the process of possibly opening up an email correspondence if you would like? No pressure and entirely up to you. And with the caveat that, as any of my friends will willingly tell you, I am a terrible correspondent! Truly awful. But we have so much in common the idea may appeal. If not then that’s absolutely fine. Love from Carolyn.
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
Dea
I have not read everyone's posts, but can empathise with all of the ones I read! My OH was fomally diagnoised in May 2017 (Dementia - Alzheimer's, although I think it is with Lewy's Bodies) but I had seen it coming since 2011. I had been the carer for his mom as she lived with us for the last couple of years and prior to that I did most of what was needed for her as my OH could not cope with it. Hence when I saw some of the first tell tale signs, I realised what was likely the cause - took the kids a bit longer to agree with me and then the OH took ages before we finally convinced him to see the Dr. As a very inteligent individual tho' he came back from the first simple test the surgery do (he went without telling me or asking me to go along) saying he got a 100% so was totally fine! It was only after he drove into the front of our house that he fanially agreed to go again and this time I went along and then got it in the neck for 'telling it like it was'! I think my OH has a family (on his mom's side) that has dementia in every generation and many of the aunts and uncles have had it - his last uncle dying from it in January.

My OH is 8 years older than me and while we did not have a great marriage (from my point of view), we have 4 great kids and 3 grandchildren - it is 40 years this year. I guess I don't think about walking away because it is not an option in my thinking - but I do find myself wondering how long it will be and thinking about what I will be able to do when this phase of my life is over. I am not looking forward to the next few years, but I am really looking forward to the time after my OH is gone. I feel guilty that now knowing what the future holds I am hoping it will pass quickly (for both our sakes) and I can get on with life.

At the moment, the OH seems quite happy (although still talks about trying to get his driver's licence back) he spends an inordinate amount of time looking for stuff, glasses, clothes, briefcase etc. He is however, driving me nuts! He has it in his head we have another house so keeps asking about it, how did I buy it without telling him, then commenting on the other person that is living in it and they might take the furniture, who is paying the rates etc. This has been a recurring theme of his since last year, it is just getting worse and at points I just say I am not discussing it anymore - give him the same answer everytime - no other house, no other person, etal but somehow that does not compute!!!!! I have occassionally said where is this other house, and he says he doesn't know but sure he has seen it.

There are a couple of things that seem to have become clear to me now having had experience of carring for two people with dementia:

1. It is easier to care for an in-law than a partner or parent - the emotional attachment and subsequently the emotional baggage influences how the relationship between carer and those cared for play out

2. That the traits of the individual become the driving force for how the disease plays out in individual's. That is, if the individual was quiet and self contained not subject to outbursts and generally a calm individual it is likely they will just become quieter and withdraw within themselves. While if they are a worrier, or prone to anger or outbursts, this is likely to be more pronounced through the various stages of dementia.

Neither of the above points are based on anything more than my own observations and experience but has helped me to make sense of the course of the dementia in the two people that I have/am taking care of.

I have a 'day off' tomorrow as I have a whole day out without my OH, can't remember the last time I had that.........so looking forward to it!! I am going to look at day centres after Easter as I really need to keep him occupied at least one or two days a week, or I may have to reconsider my decision to 'stick it out'! I don't think he will agree to it so I have a cunning plan - will ck the local ones out and pick the one I think he will go to and then get one of his male friends to take him and introduce him to it = he will never agree to go if I try to take him. Here is hoping!!
r @Herewego thank you for a wonderful post and also for your two items/points of take-home message. Both are so helpful.

My husband at 78 is over 8 years older than me. Like you I think about a future to myself - but at 69 I wonder whether I will have one. Nevertheless like a squirrel storing nuts, in my times of free thought I go to this future fantasy place for pleasure, comfort and consolation.

Your husband’s other house delusion is psychologically so interesting. I appreciate it’s driving you mad, and it certainly would me, but .... There’s a book, House as a Mirror of Self: it’s not nearly as good as its title but I do wonder if this house of his, which isn’t quite findable but which he knows is out there somewhere, could be his lost self?

Thinking of you with love and support. Thank you so much for your post. Carolyn xxx
 

marwood

New member
Feb 23, 2018
3
0
I read some of these threads and think that is me! Yes it is the trivial things that upset: washing the spoon to give the dog pilchards under the cold tap and refusing to put it in the dishwasher, changing his clothes daily but everything goes back in the wardrobe and I am not allowed to wash any, shuffling and following me around, shouting "where are you" when I am just in another room in our bungalow,shoplifting and denying it - oh the list goes on. The worse is the constant phones calls to DVLA, hospital, etc about why he can't drive and I am not helping him. Day in day out. Every hour of the day.
I re entry did a memory matters course for Carers and they told us "you are in control". Rubbish dementia controls our lives.
doesnt it just no other life .
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
0
New South Wales Australia
I have not read everyone's posts, but can empathise with all of the ones I read! My OH was fomally diagnoised in May 2017 (Dementia - Alzheimer's, although I think it is with Lewy's Bodies) but I had seen it coming since 2011. I had been the carer for his mom as she lived with us for the last couple of years and prior to that I did most of what was needed for her as my OH could not cope with it. Hence when I saw some of the first tell tale signs, I realised what was likely the cause - took the kids a bit longer to agree with me and then the OH took ages before we finally convinced him to see the Dr. As a very inteligent individual tho' he came back from the first simple test the surgery do (he went without telling me or asking me to go along) saying he got a 100% so was totally fine! It was only after he drove into the front of our house that he fanially agreed to go again and this time I went along and then got it in the neck for 'telling it like it was'! I think my OH has a family (on his mom's side) that has dementia in every generation and many of the aunts and uncles have had it - his last uncle dying from it in January.

My OH is 8 years older than me and while we did not have a great marriage (from my point of view), we have 4 great kids and 3 grandchildren - it is 40 years this year. I guess I don't think about walking away because it is not an option in my thinking - but I do find myself wondering how long it will be and thinking about what I will be able to do when this phase of my life is over. I am not looking forward to the next few years, but I am really looking forward to the time after my OH is gone. I feel guilty that now knowing what the future holds I am hoping it will pass quickly (for both our sakes) and I can get on with life.

At the moment, the OH seems quite happy (although still talks about trying to get his driver's licence back) he spends an inordinate amount of time looking for stuff, glasses, clothes, briefcase etc. He is however, driving me nuts! He has it in his head we have another house so keeps asking about it, how did I buy it without telling him, then commenting on the other person that is living in it and they might take the furniture, who is paying the rates etc. This has been a recurring theme of his since last year, it is just getting worse and at points I just say I am not discussing it anymore - give him the same answer everytime - no other house, no other person, etal but somehow that does not compute!!!!! I have occassionally said where is this other house, and he says he doesn't know but sure he has seen it.

There are a couple of things that seem to have become clear to me now having had experience of carring for two people with dementia:

1. It is easier to care for an in-law than a partner or parent - the emotional attachment and subsequently the emotional baggage influences how the relationship between carer and those cared for play out

2. That the traits of the individual become the driving force for how the disease plays out in individual's. That is, if the individual was quiet and self contained not subject to outbursts and generally a calm individual it is likely they will just become quieter and withdraw within themselves. While if they are a worrier, or prone to anger or outbursts, this is likely to be more pronounced through the various stages of dementia.

Neither of the above points are based on anything more than my own observations and experience but has helped me to make sense of the course of the dementia in the two people that I have/am taking care of.

I have a 'day off' tomorrow as I have a whole day out without my OH, can't remember the last time I had that.........so looking forward to it!! I am going to look at day centres after Easter as I really need to keep him occupied at least one or two days a week, or I may have to reconsider my decision to 'stick it out'! I don't think he will agree to it so I have a cunning plan - will ck the local ones out and pick the one I think he will go to and then get one of his male friends to take him and introduce him to it = he will never agree to go if I try to take him. Here is hoping!!

Hi Herewego - my husband often thinks we have other property and believes in this house we have 3 courtyards! I feel it’s just an image thing - he can go into the courtyard from 3 directions - and somehow these 3 perspectives don’t join up as they do in us - we see the front and back of a house and our brain paints them as one.
I suspect the “other” house is something similar - perhaps a different view of this house - or another house - at some moment when it locked in.

Perhaps you could walk around your house in a real estate agent type way - with your husband - see if he owns up to the other house being this house!? Try to take yourself out of it , don’t try to reason- just see if you can understand how it happens.

I think of the brain as having heaps of little spaces in it - so the bleeps of electrical impulse or information just fell short - it’s hard to cope with when you are logical but it must be really weird for them !
And even though I “understand “ - I do still loose it - or get snappy. We are all in a similar boat.
Very best wishes to you and hope the love and support you need is there for you .
 

ianrut

Registered User
Jun 9, 2017
11
0
tunbridge wells
Am I the only one who wants to walk away from this person I do not know any more?

Am I the only one who does not know why she is staying?
I know just how you feel Me too .It is so lonely when your loved one eventually has to go into a home.We need to support each other and perhaps meet not just on line but also for a chat and coffee.
we had a local dementia group but it has just been closed due to budget cuts.
we are on our own we have been abandoned by NHS / ASC
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
4,332
0
Victoria, Australia
My husband and I married fifteen years ago and then we had so much in common. We were both gypsies and travel was how we planned on spending our later years. He had lived abroad for many years but I was the really adventurous one and had done lots of hard travelling over many years.

At the age of 57 I got an ancestry visa for the UK and within five days of arriving I was employed. I spent the next four years working and trotting around Europe as well as flying backwards and forwards to Australia to see my family.

I met my husband there and later we moved to the Caribbean for a couple of years before travelling through South America back to Australia.

I get high on the smell of jet fuel and love long haul flights because it means I am off to somewhere exciting.

My husband understands perfectly that I feel trapped and frustrated because all of those plans went out the window along with the Alzheimer's, heart disease and numerous other illnesses. He just doesn't get why I can't go off for a nice little jaunt some place nice, that even though he is still fairly independent, his physical condition is quite fragile. According to him he is perfectly fine.

I am acutely aware that having resuscitated him on the kitchen floor after his cardiac arrest that I find it hard to relinquish my responsibility towards him. For me the conflict comes from the destruction of our relationship as he was developing Alzheimer's. Throw in the economic realities and there is not much else left to think about.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,746
0
84
East of England
This thread has certainly rung bells with many people and the posts have been sad, shocking and uplifting. There are so many phrases that resonate with me as a new feature of the disease occurs. He has started spilling things like tea because of tremor which was completely absent not so long ago; he has started forgetting when he takes his pills; he has forgotten the way to a familiar place even in his familiar environment. When we get there he says oh of course! After a repetitive conversation and telling me incorrectly how to get there, in a short journey for an appointment, he was virtually normal with the people we were meeting whom he knows, made sensible remarks and yet the minute we left he didn’t know whether to turn left or right back to the car. Familiar? He has had to give up his driving license and in some ways it is a relief for him, but he has turned into a ‘great’ backseat driver which I find immensely irritating, and when we get where we are going he says well done you are clever. Never in my whole life have I had to keep quiet as much as now, not even with children who are easier. This is my favourite quote by @Herewego : ‘That the traits of the individual become the driving force for how the disease plays out in individuals’, so so true.
 

Fjb

New member
Feb 21, 2018
3
0
I am very new to caring for my loved one who is in the early stages of dementia. I have never been involved with or around somebody who has this condition. I am so glad I joined this forum because all of the sadness, emotions and anger that I sometimes feel are experienced by those who have posted their thoughts and comments above. I think that my biggest concern is the guilt I feel when I become angry or unable to hide my frustrations. I have cried and convinced myself that I shouldn't be here. I'm not the person to deal with this. There must be somebody who's better. This feeling starts at a 10 and then drops to a 1 almost immediately. Is this desperation or just being human? I love my partner and she has had such a traumatic and undervalued life and now has debilitating physical conditions that I wish I could waive a magic wand and get rid of it all. Ah well, feet back on the ground and carry on.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,634
0
South of the Border
I am very new to caring for my loved one who is in the early stages of dementia. I have never been involved with or around somebody who has this condition. I am so glad I joined this forum because all of the sadness, emotions and anger that I sometimes feel are experienced by those who have posted their thoughts and comments above. I think that my biggest concern is the guilt I feel when I become angry or unable to hide my frustrations. I have cried and convinced myself that I shouldn't be here. I'm not the person to deal with this. There must be somebody who's better. This feeling starts at a 10 and then drops to a 1 almost immediately. Is this desperation or just being human? I love my partner and she has had such a traumatic and undervalued life and now has debilitating physical conditions that I wish I could waive a magic wand and get rid of it all. Ah well, feet back on the ground and carry on.
You are exactly right - I felt I was not the one to deal with it because I have been a carer since 1980 for various foster children, and step children - I am 69, this was going to be my time, with a much loved and caring partner - but he has gone, and I don't know where, and I can't find him. This stranger sits in his chair.
We should only feel angry at TWO THINGS ( just my opinion) and No 1 is this truly awful disease and the other is the Government who let us down so badly, and provide so little care when we have paid into the system all our lives.
I had to 'open my soul' on Tuesday to a social advisor ( no social workers any more) It was humiliating and scary, and I still feel shaken up by it. I had to do it in order to get someone to come out and see us, and help us - we should not have to plead.

Should we have one day a week when we all give ourselves a 'pat on the back' and wish each other well, and say we are not alone? Or should we do it every day.

THERE ARE A NUMBER OF US ON LINE AT THE MOMENT 17.08 SO WELL DONE TO US ALL....... I am going to pick one name from the list and say 'WELL DONE, AND HELLO' to Macduff.

Why don't you pick someone?
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,616
0
USA
@maryjoan (I do love your avatar), this is probably not helpful, but on a purely practical level, could youncover the dishwasher light so he can't see it? Maybe with electrical, duct, or gaffer tape?

I also wonder if you could make up a couple of spare sets of keys, for when his go missing, perhaps?

These are not original ideas. I can't recall if I've read them on TP, read them in a book, heard them at a support group, or what, but just in case, I'm passing it along.

I care for my mother and am not her hands on carer and I would give this up in a minute, if I could, but I can't. I feel for all carers, no matter the circumstances. Nothing about this illness is easy.
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
0
New South Wales Australia
I have to add a point on gaffer tape !! My husband totally mixes up the program he is watching on tv with the news items that appear in words along the base of the sceen !! So annoying.
So I got some black tape and tsped the base of the tv !! Much better - no extra news !!
however I have found I have also blocked out the football results and rugby - as the scores are written along the base !!
However he hasn’t commented !? Maybe doesn’t miss knowing who is winning :)
 
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karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
0
N Ireland
Hi @carolynp, @Herewego and @Mudgee Joy, I see you are mentioning the 'other house' symptom. This is very common and the PWD will often not be able to identify the other house because it isn't a building they seek. Rather they are vocalising a need for reassurance or security in their now confusing lives and they start talking about somewhere like a childhood home where they had these needs met by a parent etc. It is often important to decipher what a PWD is saying/doing to get to the feelings behind the words/actions so that these feelings can be addressed by giving reassurance, distraction etc.
When giving this reassurance or distraction it's important to try to be like a politician and spin the truth rather than telling an outright lie otherwise it's like just kicking a can down the road, or worse breaking a trust that may be hard to regain. Knowing how bad a persons memory is can help with judging that.
The bottom line is that we have to try to get into their world, rather than looking at everything from the perspective of ours. No-one told us we were going to have to become such experts, but Hey Ho.:)
 

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