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'If I get like that, put me in a home'

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
6,336
0
Chester
I've lost track as to when/if your brother last saw her. If he's up to it it sounds like a good thing to visit her now before she changes further.

He's had such a time of it himself though that hopefully he understands he shouldn't have any regrets (except the whole bundle of regrets his illness has brought).

I wouldn't be able to do anything like sorting my mum's nails out - we were never physically close, she wasn't a hugger - although I managed to get her to be a hugger to my children.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,532
0
Southampton
I went to see mum again today. Now the home has opened up a lot I'm hoping I can visit more often. The home is on route to/from the leisure centre where I go a couple of times a week. When I moved mum it was always my intention to make short visits on the way back from a class or the gym. The strict visiting regime put paid to that at first, but now as long as you book you can visit more or less when you like.
My mum was in bed, but seemed happy enough and comfortable. I chatted, cuddled her a lot and she said I was lovely, so a good visit. She is so frail now, and also wearing incontinence pads so I guess that incontinence has finally struck. She was nicely dressed and looked OK, but her nails were filthy. I went and talked to the carers about that and they said they had difficulty persuading her to let them see to them. I can believe it, it was the same in her old home. I also asked about her getting up and walking, and they said that tends to happen when she is sundowning in the afternoon. I'm going to book in again for next week and maybe see if I can have a go at sorting out her nails. I've said itbefore but I'm a stranger to manicures etc. I keep my nails extremely short and that's about it, so not sure how much I can help.
I've flagged up how frail she is to my brother, and as he is feeling quite well at the moment he might pop up to see her. That would be good, as I think he needs to see how she is now.
could you get a small dish of warm water so your mum can put her fingers/nails in to soak them maybe a bit of oil. might be easier to clean them and they would be softer for cutting. its surprising how tough their nails get.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,265
0
Kent
Does a chiropodist attend the home @Sarasa ? If so would it be possible for them to attend to your mothers finger nails?

The chiropodist who used to attend to my husband when he was in residential care now comes to me at home. She will be coming on Wednesday and I will try to remember to ask her if she attend to finger nails too
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,265
0
Kent
I asked my chiropodist about fingernail cutting @Sarasa

She said they are not supposed to but she does. She is exasperated by the guidelines.

When it is obvious fingernails need attention, she asks the carers to oak the fingernails prior to her visit and when they are softened they are easier to cut. Nails thicken with age and could sound as if they could be quite painful when they are being clipped. Softening makes them more flexible.

Most often, when the nail is trimmed the dirt comes away with the clippings.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
That's good @Grannie G . I'll see if I can do that next time I'm there. Mum always had very long nails, and kept good care of them. It was all part and parcel of the way she tried to look as glamourous as possible. I've rather gone the other way.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,819
0
South coast
My mum used to love having a manicure done by me when she was in her care home. I called it a "pampering session" and brought everything with me in a little bag. Id put some warm water and a couple of drops of bubble bath (so it smelt nice) in a little cheerful bowl, put a small towel over her lap and the bowl on top and Id get her to put one hand in at a time. I would massage (aka clean) her hand with mine, pat it dry and then use baby wipes to clean the nails (Ive got quite long nails myself, so I could get under mums nails fairly easily) and then clip her nails - never scissors in case she moved. When I had done both hands Id finish off with her choice of nail polish (I used to bring two colours). All the carers would come and admire her nails and say how glamorous she looked, so she was quite happy for me to do this. It would have been more of a problem if she had objected.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
Last week there was an email from mum's care home on Monday to say they'd had to cancel visits due to a respiratory infection doing the rounds, so I couldn't book a visit. I dropped in a card for Mothering Sunday on Friday and the receptionist asked if I wanted to see mum as the home had just re-opened. I was on my way somewhere else so couldn't. Yesterday I booked to see mum today, but I've just been phoned to say they've had to close again as last week's infection has popped up again. I'll use this morning to go looking for some manicure stuff and hopefully get to see mum next week to try and sort out her nails.
Mum is fine btw.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
I finally got to see mum today, after three weeks of the home being closed most of the time due to infections. I didn't stay long as mum was in a bad mood. They'd just done her personal care and she obviously doesn't take well to having pads changed etc. She did brighten up a bit when I said she was my lovely mum, but it is so sad to see her like that. She obviously doesn't want to get out of bed, which is also a fairly new thing.
I didn't try to get her nails sorted. Maybe if I manage a visit next week she'll be in a better mood.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
Just been to see mum again. Again she didn't want to get out of bed, but at least she was in a better mood, and referred to her lovely daughter, though I'm not sure that actually related to me. The carers say she does get out of bed, but I think this is now becoming a rare occurrence. She isn't eating much, though she did knock back a large glass of milk while I was there. Also her nails have been done, hurrah! I did suggest nail varnish but she wasn't keen.
I just wonder how much longer she can go on living this sort of half-life.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
I received an email from mum's care home at the end of last week announcing that the manager had left and introducing the new manager. No reasons why, but I assume she didn't leave volunterality as there was loads of stuff about the place last week and on Facebook as to what she'd been up to, and no sign she was about to leave.
Today I popped in to see mum. She was fast asleep so I didn't wake her. I did get to meet the new manager which was good. I asked about a care review meeting. She says she is finding her feet and then will contact the relatives to arrange meetings. I'll give her a couple of weeks and then check back.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
I'm a big Who fan @Jaded'n'faded :)

It was three years last week since mum moved into care. She has declined a lot in those years, not helped by the Covid restrictions though I don't think if Covid hadn't happened she'd be any different.
I went to see her today. She was asleep or at least had her eyes closed but heard me and opened them. She seemed pleased to see me, but after ten minutes waived me away. I took in a teddy bear as I thought it might remind her of the one she had as a child and she often talked about. I'll see if its still there next week.
I asked the carer about mum and walking, as I haven't seen her out of bed this last three months. Apparently she doesn't get up any more, though they can get her up for showers etc. I'm going to make an appointment to see the new manager after I'm back from various holidays in the middle of June. I don't know if getting her up would be worth it, the lounge was full of elderly ladies asleep in chairs.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
Managed to make an appointment to see the new care home manager. As I mentioned above was parachuted in when the previous one left at short notice. She's decided to stay which is good and I found her friendly and sympathetic. A couple of queries I had were clarified including my worries about her not getting out of bed. She has a pressure sore but that seems to be being dealt with so I'm not too concerned. I popped in to see mum and she seemed relaxed and cheerful which was good, even if she really doesn't make a lot of sense anymore.
My brother is hoping he might get up for the weekend which would be good.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
Well a month has gone by since my last update. I haven't seen mum since my last post as I went away for a week, where I caught Covid so couldn't visit for a while. I decided to leave it a bit longer after testing negative before going to see mum. As usual I didn't stay long, just popped my head round the door, read her a poem, which she liked, told her I loved her and left. I really need to pop in more often. I go to the leisure centre nearby a couple of times a week and now visiting restrictions have been lifted I think just turning up when I can is the way to go. Mum isn't really getting out of bed anymore, but she seems much happier than she's been for the last few years which is a bonus.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,265
0
Kent
seems much happier than she's been for the last few years which is a bonus


I found this with my husband @Sarasa Once he had lost insight and therefore fear and paranoia he was so much more contented. We had the best four years in ages after that.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,383
0
High Peak
Well a month has gone by since my last update. I haven't seen mum since my last post as I went away for a week, where I caught Covid so couldn't visit for a while. I decided to leave it a bit longer after testing negative before going to see mum. As usual I didn't stay long, just popped my head round the door, read her a poem, which she liked, told her I loved her and left. I really need to pop in more often. I go to the leisure centre nearby a couple of times a week and now visiting restrictions have been lifted I think just turning up when I can is the way to go. Mum isn't really getting out of bed anymore, but she seems much happier than she's been for the last few years which is a bonus.
It just seems to go on and on doesn't it? I remember my visits to mum during her last year - each one felt like groundhog day. And I would think, 'What is the point of this?'
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,992
0
Nottinghamshire
I've been a few times since my last post, but as each visit is more or less identical, it didn't seem worth mentioning them here.
I wasn't particularly happy with things on Friday as mum had got in a muddle with her sheets and there appeared to be only one carer on duty though she did come and help sort mum out when asked. Then on the way out I got given one of those This is Me forms which felt rather late in the day seeing as mum has been there since September.
I returned today with the form filled in as much as I thought would be useful given the advanced state of mum's dementia. I didn't speak to mum as she was asleep, but the carer I met was more clued up and I had a reasonable chat about how mum is.
It's so hard to know what to do for the best for someone, isn't it?