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'If I get like that, put me in a home'

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
Thanks @annielou. I'm booked for a pod visit instead next Tuesday. Good thing with one of those is I won't need PPE so perhaps mum will know who I am. I can also bring my husband along (if he's around, that's another story), which could be useful as he can act as my ears.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,716
0
Sorry to read that your visit was cancelled at the last minute @Sarasa but no doubt for the best by the sound of it. I hope the pod visit works well with your "listening husband" next week.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
Just back from visiting mum. The home have thought out their 'pod' well. The end of the café has been blocked off and a window and speakers installed. You enter via the garden so no need to enter the home My husband couldn't come as he's visiting his mother, and I could have really done with him. I couldn't really hear mum as I need to be right next to her to understand what she says. Fortunately the nice activities person, G who does one to one with mum was there to interpret. I'd taken in some photos in a scrap book and given them to G to quarantine. Most of the visit was actually talking to her explaining mum's family. Mum seems to have forgotten my brother, for instance, though she we did have a nice couple of minutes discussing what a good cook her mum was. Mum still wants to get out and visit her parents, but seems to have forgotten my dad as well as my brother.
I'll go again in a couple of week when my husband is around to act as my 'hearing husband.'
As least she looks well, and has her teeth (yeah!). She was wearing the dress that I think looks best on her, and is very Christmassy.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
6,025
0
Chester
Sounds like you had a good visit given your husband's ears couldn't be there.

Whilst we know it's coming it's always upsetting when they forget people. I think my mum forgot my dad sometime ago.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,487
0
South East
Glad the visit was ok and Mum had her teeth in , good really that “G” was there or it could of been difficult , hope next one with your husband there goes better 🤞
My mum has long forgotten my dad and today asked if her dad was alive or dead.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,092
0
Bedford
So glad to hear that you were finally allowed to see your Mum. All in all it sounds like it was a good visit. Have you been able to go again? I understood if it was a full screen visits could still continue
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
I've not been to visit again. I intended to go this last week, but I find the whole thing so depressing I've not arranged it. Contacting the home is on my list for tomorrow. I'm debating about my husband coming with me. He would be my ears, but it might just add another level of confusion to things.
The good news is mum has had her first covid vaccination, so things are moving in the right direction for the home to start opening up again sometime in the Spring I guess.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
I finally went to see mum today. The best of the three visits since lockdown started last March. For a start she seemed pleased to see me, no 'she's horrible, tell her to go away' moments. She also looked well and nicely dressed, something that is still important to her as she was pointing out her cardigan, skirt and necklace. I took my husband as my ears, but he couldn't hear her either. We got a carer to phone us, but that didn't work either as mum just couldn't work out what the phone was, and I still couldn't hear anyway. In the end my husband and I did lots of silly dances which made mum laugh, and we enjoyed. We've decided to choreograph something properly for next time.
It was lovely to see her smile and laugh. She is still amazingly pretty when she does that, and it made me remember why I love her, something dementia often makes me forget.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,317
0
leicester
It was lovely to see her smile and laugh. She is still amazingly pretty when she does that, and it made me remember why I love her, something dementia often makes me forget.

Sounds like a very good visit, and sounds like a very good CH
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,918
0
Yorkshire
Oh that does sound a good visit, sorry you cudnt hear her, thats a shame but it sounds like you made a good visit and memory anyway. I bet your mum went off in a happy mood because of your visit and I think that’s the most important thing 🤗
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
One of the staff emailed me with a couple of pictures of mum later. She was obviously having a good day as she was smiling while knocking back the prosecco. It would be lovely if her dementia has moved on a little and she is no longer as distressed as she was when she first moved into care.
Husband and I have been discussing what we do when we move. Do we move mum or do we keep her where she is. At the moment with all the restrictions I think it is sensible to keep mum where she is. I should be able to get back once a month at least. When things open up I might feel differently. It also depends on how my brother is. I think he is almost well enough that he could manage a monthly visit too, so between us she'd see us pretty regularly. I don't want to force him into feeling he has to visit though. He hasn't seen her for nearly two years and a lot has happened both to him and her since then.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,092
0
Bedford
Despite the communication issue that does sound like a lovely visit. I think that is how I define a good visit - a lovely smile that goes to the eyes too.
It must be hard to know what to do with regards to moving. I think I too would wait and see for the longer term especially if your Mum is happy where she is. Once you have moved and settled then you can start looking around and make a decision then. Hopefully some of the restrictions will have been lifted then to make it a bit easier.
It should like your brother continues to slowly improve which is good
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
Today is mum's 93rd birthday. Husband and I visited and did a dance to All that Jazz dressed in sort of 20s gear much to the amusement of the care home staff. Mum stood up and waved her arms around too. It was a short visit as the pod is awful for hearing people, though according to my husband mum did say 'I'll meet you round the front'. Just as well I didn't hear that. This afternoon they have a singer to entertain her. He'll be in the pod bit and mum and some birthday guests will be the other side of the screen. Role on proper face to face visits.
Our house move is chugging along. The sale is almost complete, though another hurdle has just arisen there. Just as well as probate hasn't come through yet on the place we are buying. Pleased the stamp duty holiday has been extended as that should mean there isn't a tearing rush to move by the end of March, though I would like to get going sooner rather than later. My brother is doing OK, though progress is very slow.
This is mum and her cake last year. I'm hoping the home has some nice photos on Facebook later today as we didn't manage any good ones this morning.
IMG_0247 (1).JPG
 
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Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
65,194
0
70
Dundee
Happy 93rd birthday to your mum @Sarasa - I would love to have seen your dance!:)

It sounds as if the staff are doing their best to make your mum’s day a special one.

I’m glad your brother is progressing, even thought it’s slowly. Good luck with the house Move.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
Today is mum's 93rd birthday. Husband and I visited and did a dance to All that Jazz dressed in sort of 20s gear much to the amusement of the care home staff. Mum stood up and waved her arms around too. It was a short visit as the pod is awful for hearing people, though according to my husband mum did say 'I'll meet you round the front'. Just as well I didn't hear that. This afternoon they have a singer to entertain her. He'll be in the pod bit and mum and some birthday guests will be the other side of the screen. Role on proper face to face visits.
Our house move is chugging along. The sale is almost complete, though another hurdle has just arisen there. Just as well as probate hasn't come through yet on the place we are buying. Pleased the stamp duty holiday has been extended as that should mean there isn't a tearing rush to move by the end of March, though I would like to get going sooner rather than later. My brother is doing OK, though progress is very slow.
This is mum and her cake last year. I'm hoping the home has some nice ones on Facebook later today as we didn't manage any good ones this morning.
View attachment 63941
a lovely picture of your mum. glad your mum seems to have a nice birthday
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,918
0
Yorkshire
The dance sounds fab, well done you and hubby it sounds like your mum enjoyed it and has a good day planned at the CH. lovely photo of your mum from last year. Hope things go well with house move from now on and your brother keeps improving. 🤞
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,487
0
South East
Ah Happy Birthday @Sarasa’s Mum 🍾🎂 great to hear the dancing amused and hear brother doing ok , slow and steady. Hope the move continues to go ok . 🤞