1. varbell

    varbell Registered User

    Oct 4, 2006
    11
    cumbria
    this is the most devastating illness for the family to cope with how do others cope?
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi varbel, warm welcome to TP.

    How to cope? Depends on the timing of this question.

    To any one newly diagnosed I would certainly say "make the best of evry opportunity to carry on as usual - time will dictate changes. Lionel said, on being diagnosed when he was 59 "today is as good as it is ever going to get"

    He was so right - and what fun we had in that first year or so, still attempting to do all the things we used to do - and some more.

    Try to have a sense of humour - not always easy, but it does help sometimes to see the funny side.

    Please post again, and tell us something about yourself and your loved one.
     
  3. mandyp

    mandyp Registered User

    Oct 20, 2004
    150
    Glasgow
    This is a difficult one.

    I can't comment for everyone as I'm not a full time carer. Dad looks after Mum (who is 56).

    I'm married with a daughter and my own life and that's how I cope. While one part of life is not great (Mum), the other part is. In a way, it's made me appreciate what I have even more. A lovely daughter (most of the time) and a lovely husband (also most of the time:)

    I appreciate all the good times spent with Mum now, however small. Seeing her laugh probably means more to me now had she not had AD (laughter is never taken for granted anymore).

    Although Mum isn't the way she used to be, she's still my Mum, I love her to pieces and always will. It breaks my heart to know she won't see my daughter grown up, however sometimes they're in a little club together like 2 naughty little girls which is also lovely to see. I guess you just take the good with the bad and try to cope the best you can.

    You don't say who it is that has AD, but anytime you need to get anything off your chest or ask a question, there's a very supportive bunch around here. Post again,

    Take care,

    Mandy
     
  4. varbell

    varbell Registered User

    Oct 4, 2006
    11
    cumbria

    Thanks Mandy,
    It is my mam who I cared for for five years until she went into a resedential home I have found it very hard not being able to talk to her properly and ask her advice about things. She was always very positive and could always make me feel things would be alright. I miss her so much and I know what you mean about the laughter. it is great to see her giggle about something and it makes me happy to see her laugh. But the she goes back to the dark side and it hurts me so much.
    Thanks again varbell.
     
  5. hairwench

    hairwench Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    16
    wisbech
    first timer

    Hey, have been reading all your posts for a couple of weeks.My husband has been diagnosed for about four years , he is only 59 now and i am 37, the age difference has never been an issue and he still doesn't look his age !
    I think i have been in denial up to a point, but then i also think you have to try and carry on as "normal" whatever that is.
    We have great support from family and friends, (though you soon find out who they really are) but I am starting to feel very isolated by the whole situation.I don't know if this is because no one else really understands and the majority of sufferers are older or whether I am just having a rubbish couple of weeks !
    Is it true that it accelerates quicker, the younger you are when you get it ?
    We manage pretty well as a rule, but last night had a bit of a hairy one when peter woke up imagining someone or something was in the bedroom and insisted on trying to "sort them out" it took some calming down, but we got there eventually.
    Our goddaughter is struggling a bit to cope with it all.She lives with us as a result of a stressful situation at home, but generally she is a sensible girl and pretty mature for her age( 17 yuk !)
    So in conclusion it is good to read about some of you in a similar state as we are,and usually i am a really positive person but at the moment i feel as if i am digging real hard but the hole is filling up quicker than i can dig !!!
    We love each other madly and still manage to have a laugh most of the time but this ****** (sorry) illness has a horrible way of chipping away at your cheerful facade and letting the sadness underneath show through from time to time. My outer shell is beginning to crack and i need a way to paste it back together again, any ideas gratefully recieved, sorry , think i am just having a bad night, sure tomorrow will be better, cheers, kerryhairwench
     
  6. varbell

    varbell Registered User

    Oct 4, 2006
    11
    cumbria
    Hi Hairwrench,
    I know it is hard because I have been there, it is good that you can laugh about things but don't give up. Things won't get any better unfortunatley and you do feel as if the hole is getting bigger.
    Just remember that you need to look after yourself because if you don't it will become harder for you. Don't be affraid to ask for help and if possible find time for yourself. Even if you get out for an hour go for a walk or treat yourself these little things help and seem to recharge you up for a while. varbell
     
  7. hairwench

    hairwench Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    16
    wisbech
    thanks varbell, things arent so bad today, theres always something else that comes along to brighten the day ! weekend was good, speak soon x
    hairwench
     
  8. varbell

    varbell Registered User

    Oct 4, 2006
    11
    cumbria
    Hi hairwrench, how have things been with you this week so far varbell
     
  9. hairwench

    hairwench Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    16
    wisbech
    All is fine, thanks for your concern, we are carrying on as normal at the moment(whatever that means) :)
     
  10. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    I think coping gets harder as time goes on because the disease becoms more pronounced and the carer gets more and more exhausted. Sorry to sound so gloomy! So do enjoy the (relatively) easy times in the beginning (which are hard because the news is new and hard to adjust to) and as time goes on, make time for yourself - even if you feel guilt. Why did I sauy "if" you feel guilty?? I mean "when you feel guilty"!!!!!!! :cool: Nell
     

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