I'd be grateful for your input

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Dee, May 19, 2006.

  1. Dee

    Dee Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    41
    Shropshire
    Hello Everyone

    I am not a regular "poster" but read the message board every day and am constantly humbled by the messages that are posted and the amount of love and support that is demonstrated. My dilemma is this:

    My darling mum was diagnosed with ?AD ?VD ?both about 2 years ago. For a while she and her close friend (who lived nearby) struggled on, but it was increasingly obvious he was not coping with the memory loss etc etc and to cut a long, distressing story short we all agreed that she would move into residential care near to me. This happened nearly a year ago.

    Since then she has improved (physically) tremendously. She had mobility problems due to an unrelated condition which have improved due to regular physio at the home which is very nice by the way. Although we are all aware that this condition only goes in one direction (mum, me and my husband are all nurses) her general condition has improved to the point where I am wondering should I now care for her at home with day care at the Residential Home maybe three times a week and respite care as required. She comes home with me at least once a week and is fine, in fact the only times I see her depressed and tearful is at the care home when she gets frustrated that other ladies are calling out and also with her non existant memory.

    My question is this: does anyone have any experience of night sitters, carers during the day etc? We are prepared to care for her, physically she requires very little input, but are aware that it is a big tie and so want to have a care package in place. She is very lucky that she has no money worries so could pay for someone to be with her. She is adamant that if this move happened she would want a self contained area (good idea) so we could continue to have our privacy. This would involve a house move but that is not a problem for us really.

    Should I consider this, or should I be content that at present she is safe, well cared for and content most of the time? Sorry to ask, just need another perspective.

    Best wishes to all

    Dee
     
  2. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi Dee,
    That is a hard call. Since you are a nurse, you know what is going on and that the disease will just get worse. I guess my knee jerk reaction is, leave her in if she is well cared for, content and adjusted to her circumstance. I have read that every change is hard on them. But, if I was in your place, I might consider it too.
    I'm not alot of help am I. I'm sure you will do what is best for you Mom and your family. Good luck with it and let us know what you decide and how it goes.
    Debbie
     
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Don’t know if this be of any help, but in the past when my mum has been in respite she always seem to improve while in the care home, then she come home 3 mouths down the road seem to go down a littlie, mum been in emergency respite for about 2 mouths now & is at home with now & today went to AD day centre they was amazed at her improvement, so I have a care package in place

    I have a carer in the morning , I was wondering as you said
    could she not pay for someone to live in with her in her self contained area ? So she have a permanent one to one person with her all the time

    As I was under the impression that a care package does not include night carer worker
     
  4. shauny

    shauny Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    57
    north-east england
    care services

    Hi Dee as a individual i would check out what services i could get from the local authority and local voluntary organisations before deciding wether it would be possible to care for your mum at home.

    Hi Margarita you asked about night time care im afraid it depends on a number of circumstances as to whether you will get it or will be denied it. That im afraid is the only realistic answer i can give to you. Shauny.
     
  5. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #5 Lynne, May 20, 2006
    Last edited: May 20, 2006
    Hello Dee

    Given that you have so many 'healthcare' professionals in the family, I hesitate to offer any sort of advice.
    However, you did ask, and my initial gut reaction was "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". Please excuse me if I reply bluntly.

    If your Mother is settled in a good residential care home, conveniently near to you & friends for frequent visiting, happy there, is benefitting from physiotherapy, and you are satisfied with all aspects of her medical & personal care, WHO are you thinking of moving her for?
    How much would SHE benefit, and in what ways, by making a major change to her present circumstances.

    She may be thriving in her present surroundings precisely because they are stress-free for her. She is not expected to remember things, she does not observe her loved ones & 'carers' getting stressed and exhausted by looking after her, so (rightly) does not blame herself for anything.

    If you bring her home, the upheaval itself will be a major stress for her. So will trying to get used to a lot of new people as part of the proposed care package (even if she can afford to pay for it). If her condition deteriorates to the point where she needs residential care again, you may not be able to put everything back to the happy state they are now. There may not be a vacancy at the same establishment, she may not settle successfully again a second time round.

    I'm sorry if this seems negative, it's not meant to be. Best wishes with whatever you decide.
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    shauny

    OIC, it was just that when I first got to know about respite it was all new to us both & I think I was worried scared about all those story you hear in the paper, so when mum was not happy to go, I ask If I could get a full time carer to cover the night & my teenagers would cover the day just have a carer in the morning to wash mum ,they said no & respite was for all the family .

    It did at the time seem strange to me that social services would pay £850 for mum to go in a respite care home for a week ,but not pay someone to come to are home to cover 24 hours.

    Anyway mum went in to the respite we both where proven wrong & the care home mum been to have been great & she enjoys them
     
  7. Dee

    Dee Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    41
    Shropshire
    Hi Everyone

    thank you for your replies - they are all very much appreciated and it is good to have other perspectives. Certainly, part of me thinks that if she is this good it must have a lot to do with the care home and the lack of stress she is experiencing - in fact that is something we had already thought of.

    It is so hard, I just want her to be as content as possible. When you are looking after someone else's loved ones, its a lot easier, believe me!
     
  8. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    ... and it's always easier to comment on someone else's situation than to sort out the problems of your own!
    Best wishes Dee, I hope you didn't think I was too harsh.
     
  9. Dee

    Dee Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    41
    Shropshire
    Hi Lynne

    Not at all - it helps to make things clearer!

    Kind regards

    Dee
     

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