I would like some advice

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Manda, Nov 14, 2005.

  1. Manda

    Manda Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    2
    Hi there this is my first time doing this but my Dad who is 82 was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2002, I have noticed quite a change in my Dad in the last 3 years, I live in Canada and my parents live in Nottingham but I do visit quite often.

    What can I do to help them seeing as I am so far away. My Mum is the caregiver to my Dad and finds some days more harder than usual.

    I hope that you can help me help them

    Many thanks

    Manda
     
  2. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Manda, you have already done a lot by finding the Alzheimers Society and TP. You could now find out through the help desk, ( I believe the number could be 08453000336, if its not, I am sure another mod will put the right one up for you) the where abouts of their nearest local group. This would give your Mum help and support locally from those in the same boat as your parents. Has your Dad had a confirmed diagnoses? Their GP would be the one to approach with your worries if not. They would also be able to help advise on support options if it is confirmed too. Please let us know how far along you are with this. Also, if it has not been confirmed, bear in mind that several other solvable problems could cause memory loss. I am not trying to give you false hope, just that B12 deficiency and things like that can do funny things sometimes. Please post again soon, love She. XX
     
  3. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Manda
    Sheila is right ,the GP is the first point of contact and can help with such as referal to Social Services.
    The helpline number given is correct but I have given some othr contacts
    Telephone 020 7306 0606
    (International dialling +44 (0) 20 7306 0606)
    Fax 020 7306 0808
    Email enquiries@alzheimers.org.uk
    The number to dial is 0845 300 0336 for the helpline
    Hope this is helpful
    Norman
     
  4. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    On an emotional support side Manda, make yourself available to your Mum, perhaps by ringing her weekly or fortnightly depending on the cost. If she can't use the internet tell her about this site and that if she has any questions you can post them here for her. Also be aware that your mum may feel like she can't cope sometimes, that your mum may need to consider putting your father in a home so that he can get the care he needs. I'd say don't push her to make such decisions but be a sounding board for her, let her know that you support any decisions she makes and that you will be there for her if she wants to cry, if she wants to be angry about your Dad's behaviours (this is normal) and if she just wants to chat to another adult for a bit. Sometimes if I disagree with how my mum is dealing with something to do with Dad, I just tell her how I see it, but point out that I am aware that she knows the situation better than me, what she can cope with, what she knows Dad can handle and I will support whatever she decides regardless of my viewpoint. Remind her that you are an adult now and that she shouldn't be putting it all on herself and trying to protect her daughter, you are there for her whenever she needs it, even if you can't be in the same country.

    Lastly, you too need to look after yourself Manda, know how much help you can be, as a daughter I have found losing my father very distressing and sometimes it has been harder when there is great distance between us, because you suffer the guilt of wondering if you should do more but at the same time know it would make little difference if you were closer, and each time you do see him you are extremely shocked by the change. For this I would recommend posting on this site when ever it gets too much and you need to rant and rave. Don't think just because you are so far away doesn't give you the right to be in pain and hurting.
     
  5. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Hi Manda

    Sorry to hear of your situation. It's hard to deal with Alzheimer's when it comes into a family but it must be harder for you being far away.

    I agree with all that the others have said, your support will be very important to your mum. Keep in touch as much as possible (I'm sure you do anyway) try to share the burden between you verbally, talking is such a release for a caregiver, it's essential to keeping you sane.

    Don't forget to post here as much as you like, you'll always get support, it would be a great release for your mum too if she could use TP if possible.

    Best wishes
     

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