I would appreciate any comments about what I am thinking of doing.


Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
Hello Cliff

That first step is so difficult....i found this with mum.

However I found a home that i was very happy with and they could offer respite stays on a regular basis.....this way she could get used to the place if the need arose for permanent care.

I wish you all the best in this.....you really do need a break;)

Love xx


Registered User
Jan 29, 2008
Ashford, Kent
Dear Cliff

I am resolute I will battle as long as I can BUT, I do recognise there will come a point that I will not be able to take take of Dad at home.

I think a spot of respite care will be (a) good to test the waters and (b) a rest for you.

I really wish you all the best.

Beverley x


Registered User
May 12, 2007
Hi Cliff,
In my experience with my dad when he first started going into respite for one week every 4/6 wks he absolutely loved it. He loved the attention he was getting and it was almost like a holiday for him and mum. Unfortunately, in our case, dad contracted pneumonia and went back in for his respite and has stayed in permanently, so he continually has asked when he is coming home, although we have explained that things have become too much for mum. She has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer as well and has hundreds of appts, etc, but thank god he was in the home that he knew and it is lovely and they are so caring and I know that he will settle. He gets lots of visitors and we know that he is safe hands and I will take him out when the weather gets warmer!! Respite can be an excellent thing for carers and patients, and we are lucky we have found an excellent home, with brilliant carers.
The time does come and we all, instinctively, know when, and it can turn out the best possible option for some.
Take care Cliff and I hope this helps a bit.
Snooky xx


Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Dear Cliff,
I am one hundred and ten per cent in favour of the respite option for you and Dee, with the long term option of full time care when it becomes necessary.

In an earlier post you were very concerned about what would happen to Dee if you were ill or in any way unable to care for her for a while. The respite option means that Dee will be known at this home, and hopefully Dee will have a positive experience of it. Then, if emergency respite is needed (I hope I'm not ill - wishing you in saying this!), you have an option already available to you.

I think this plan is very wise for you and even wiser for Dee. Now, of course, you have to feel OK about it too! Just give that "guilt monster" a flying kick if he dares to show his face!! :)
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Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
Hi Cliff

I am in a similar position to yourself, or soon will be, in my case with my 88 y.o. Mum.
It's that 1st big step or hurdle which is so daunting, isn't it. I am trying to see if I can get Mum to accept a weekend break at the same place as she presently attends her 5 hrs/week Daycare. At least that way some of the faces there may be familiar to her (although she never seems to remember them from week to week - perhaps I'm kidding myself :eek:)

Better to have some respite (which might be a spectacular success) than for you to burn out, which would benefit no-one.

Best wishes


Registered User
Jun 29, 2007
North Wales
Again, thank you all.

It's that 1st big step or hurdle which is so daunting, isn't it.
Yes, it is daunting but:

give that "guilt monster" a flying kick if he dares to show his face
Good advice :)

Very kind thoughts to you all,

PS to Lynne: I went away from the idea of having respite with Dee at the same place she went to as a Day centre because it is a clinic - and a very good clinic - but not a Home,
Best wishes,