I worry when Mum is unwell

[pusscat]

Hi, I am new here. My Mum has vascular dementia and is in an EMI residential home which is very good. She's been in the home for two years now.

I know at this time of year there are a lot of bugs and things going around but just lately Mum seems to be sick a lot. Generally she is in good health and always looks well but for the past week she's been sick a few times and it really makes me worry. Its as if I can't function properly until she is OK again.

This morning I called in to see her and she was fine, then I called in again tonight on my way out to find her being sick so I couldn't go out then and leave her like that, I knew I couldn't settle when I was out so I stayed with her until she went to bed. She seemed fine by the time I left her and I have just rang the home now and they say she is fine.

It could be a bug again but she only had one last weekend. Also, at the home the carers say it could be that she's had a little drink over Xmas and all the rich food and with her tablets aswell thats made her sick. They've made a note now not to give her any alcohol at all as she is on some antibiotics that you're not supposed to drink with.

Its just a constant worry, do any of you find yourselves unable to cope when your loved ones are ill?

 

[Brucie]

Hi Pusscat

you ask "do any of you find yourselves unable to cope when your loved ones are ill?"

Yes. I frequently find myself unable to cope with anything to do with this as it goes on and on, with new challenges all the time.

You have to distance yourself slightly from the emotion of it, if that is possible, so that you can more objectively ensure that Mum is really ok.

Christmas is certainly a bad time - bugs, weird mixtures of food, changes in reoutine. I often think that Christmas is celebrated at care homes 1) to give the staff a change of pattern 2) for the relatives of the residents to feel they are doing something useful.

As far as I can see, the residents themselves would just as soon carry on as 'normal' - whatever that means to them, individually. It all depends on how far they are into their dementia of course.

 

[pusscat]

Hi, thanks for your reply. Mum is fine now. I got to the home this morning and she was back to her usual self, I feel so relieved. She came out on the family meal for Xmas and ate most of it so she's back on form. I can't help myself worrying when she does get sick though. She got pneumonia a year ago and had to go into hospital for a week so every time she gets a cold or is sick I worry.

 

[Chris]

Christmastime

Hello

I used to find Christmas & Birthdays & Mothers Day really hard - we'd always done something to make these special for Mum- at one time we'd go somewhere for the day , have family party etc etc

Gradually every single way of celebrating became impossible - in the end Mum couldnt even eat her favourite food. I thnk the care home put on a Christmas Party - (well - sherry , cake, an 'entertainer') as a way of involving relatives in at least one afternoon that was special - without it there was nothing ecept th edecoratons and present giving & even that Mum didnt seem interseted in at all. This was in a Nursing Home (general - so very poorly residents. I agree with Bruce - at some care homes & Day Centres too - activitites (not just at Christmas) are mor eabout activities for the staff or as fund raisers than things that improve quality of life for people who have dementia. Have seen this with art & craft activity - where the end result has to be good (so it can be sold or put on show) - the process often ends up either stressful for the person its intended for or non existent as someone else does it for them !!!