I wish..

[Sasha46]

I wish I had visited you more, spent more time at your side, helped my little sister and brother with your care when they needed a break. Nothing can ease this feeling of guilt. Now I can't move on with my daily life. Almost 4 wks later! My Mum.. you sacrificed everything for me and my siblings yet I let you down. You are the most amazing, beautiful, strongest woman I have ever known bringing 10 children up on her own. Showing us love and forgiveness is the greatest power of all. My heart is broken. Im lost without you Mum. Xxx

 

[LadyA]

I'm sorry for your loss, @Sasha46 . And although I don't know the full story of your mum's journey through dementia, and your family dynamics, I have learned this: In terms of grieving, four weeks is nothing at all. Your loss is still very sharp, and your grief very raw. When loss hits us, we all seem to go into a bit of "if only"s. If only we had done more, visited more, etc. etc. I suppose it is, in a way, a form of survivor's guilt? But, you know, all that we can do, no matter how much.....if we stayed with the person 24/7, and sacrificed our own families and lives in the process, essentially, it makes no difference to dementia. It will roll relentlessly on to its conclusion. It sounds from your other posts like you did what you could, in your circumstances. Now, maybe you can concentrate on helping your siblings (which at the moment, could be as simple as calling them very regularly, maybe inviting your sister out for coffee or whatever), so you can all grieve together.

 

[canary]

As Lady A says, three weeks is nothing. After my mum died I was numb for months.
Be gentle with yourself - regret is part of grieving and we all wish that we had been able to do more, but you have done what you could.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Sasha46]

I'm sorry for your loss, @Sasha46 . And although I don't know the full story of your mum's journey through dementia, and your family dynamics, I have learned this: In terms of grieving, four weeks is nothing at all. Your loss is still very sharp, and your grief very raw. When loss hits us, we all seem to go into a bit of "if only"s. If only we had done more, visited more, etc. etc. I suppose it is, in a way, a form of survivor's guilt? But, you know, all that we can do, no matter how much.....if we stayed with the person 24/7, and sacrificed our own families and lives in the process, essentially, it makes no difference to dementia. It will roll relentlessly on to its conclusion. It sounds from your other posts like you did what you could, in your circumstances. Now, maybe you can concentrate on helping your siblings (which at the moment, could be as simple as calling them very regularly, maybe inviting your sister out for coffee or whatever), so you can all grieve together.

Thank you. Thats exactly what I am doing. I hear my mums voice, I can't handle the pain my baby sister is going through. Iv stayed with my family and it has helped. I hear my mum telling me to care for my baby sister and my brother. Im doing it now. I swear that from now on that that I will be the big sister she needs. Thank you. Thats helped me so much

 

[Sasha46]

As Lady A says, three weeks is nothing. After my mum died I was numb for months.
Be gentle with yourself - regret is part of grieving and we all wish that we had been able to do more, but you have done what you could.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much. Xx