1. donna497

    donna497 Registered User

    Apr 21, 2008
    2
    southampton
    #1 donna497, Apr 21, 2008
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2008
    hi im a new member i came on here for som help for me and my mum mainly my mum ,she is finding it so hard and is suffering terrible depression and is my dad s full time carer me and my partner help but we have three small children we ask for rest bite and he kicks up wen there and they send him home i came on her as seeing my mum so low hit me hard ....my dad has two types of dementia vascular and alzimers also he has cronic emphacemia and copd (chronic obstuctive pulminary disorder) and now struggles to even walk to the bath room and do u think they will help her get a bath lift nope .. the only help now she is being offered is for her to move out of her home and have a 24/7 carrer in her home wen does she go ? i feel so helpless and frustrated pleaese could some one just talk to me or give me some guidence
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    Hi Donna and welcome to Talking Point.

    When you say he "kicks up" in respite and then they send him home, do you mean he goes to a residential home? Or day care? Or what? If the first then what is happening is that you (or rather your mother) has not been given the right kind of respite. There is a responsibility for the local authority to ensure that and respite placement takes place at a facility that can handle your father's complex needs.

    I'm sorry: I'm not quite sure what you mean by " the only help now she is being offered is for her to move out of her home and have a 24/7 carrer in her home wen does she go ? " Could you perhaps clarify?

    Best wishes
     
  3. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Hi Donna, and a very warm welcome to TP.

    I'm so sad to read your post, I can't advise you in this instance but many here will be able to give you support from their own experiences, I'm sure other members will post to you very soon.

    Many hugs to you and your family,

    AJay xxx
     
  4. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Donna

    I'm so glad that you have found Talking Point and I hope that it proves to be helpful to both you and your mum.

    First of all I feel that you and your mum need to feel that people are supporting you and what is being offered (or not re the bath hoist) is not at all supportive. How can it help for your mum to move out of her home?

    Now, how do you find support? Have you contacted the Alzeheimers Society? Perhaps Age Concern? Other people will have more suggestions and I suggest you make a list of them all and do all you can to rally SUPPORT.

    In the meantime, love and best wishes to you.

    Helen
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Donna

    Welcome to TP.

    It does sound as if you need some help. I see you live in Southampton, and there must be a branch of Alzheimer's Society there. Have you contacted them?

    I'm sure someone there will be able to point you in the direstion af some help.

    I presume you're arleady in touch with Social Services, as your dad has had respite. What do they say about the situation? They must realise that your mum needs some help.

    I'm not trying to palm you off, we'll do all we can to support you here, but you also need someone local to provide some practical help.

    All the best,
     
  6. donna497

    donna497 Registered User

    Apr 21, 2008
    2
    southampton


    rest bite is in a care home and is usually meant to last a week but he gets verbally aggressive demanding to go home and upseets the other residents they then call my mum to pick him up after a day or so ,my dad is attending a day center but because he acts the same there his placement is in question there to his cpn has suggested that the only other alternitive is for my mum to move out of the home and carrers move in as he wants to be at his home
     
  7. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Donna, thank you for clarifing. Your mum needs help. asap.

    I can understand dad resisting going into respite, unfortunately that goes with the illness sometimes.

    I have never heard of someone being forced to move out of their home to allow carers to stay. (I understand that this could be because of space etc........but cannot be right.)

    Do your parents have a SW, is this who is doing the suggesting?
    I would advise your mum, or you could do it on her behalf, to write a letter to the family GP, local SS, explaining the situation, and in the meanwhile telephone the local branch of the AS, they may be able to help.

    Something is not right here, and both your parents need more help than they are getting. It is such a shame when local services let us down like this.

    Hope another member comes along with some more suggestions soon
     
  8. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    Like Connie I have never heard of such a suggestion before. Apart from anything else, I think it is extremely unlikely that social services would be prepared to pay for one on one 24 hour care. Are you sure she might not have got hold of the wrong end of the stick?

    It's is true to a certain extent that unless someone is sectioned they cannot be forced into residential care. However, it is equally true that 1) no one can be forced to provide care and 2) they cannot be forced out of their own home. As to the respite - I'm sorry but a lot of people with dementia have challenging behaviours - if the home selected can't deal with it then the CPN needs to find a home that can. I suspect that your mother is being given the runaround: sadly the system can be stacked against those who don't know how to play it. I would strongly suggest contacting your local Alzheimer's Society branch - I think you as a family are going to need someone in your corner who knows how to make the system work for you.
     

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