I want to help a family member, but don't know how.

[Searching4help]

Hello, I have an aunt who was diagnosed with dementia over a year ago by her general doctor. She has never been to a specialist or neurologist for further information. Her son (whom she lives with and is her caregiver) refuses to believe any of this. He only takes her to the doctor if she has a cold or something else to that nature. She has not been to a dentist or eye doctor in years. He works all the time and is never home to see just how bad she has become. I have asked and requested of him to please let me take her to the doctor and to help with her care and he informs me that he can do it himself. This is not from pride, but I am afraid from a place of denial and greed, although she has no money, no house (she rents). She is 82 and her son is 50 and acts the age of a 20 year old. I do not know what to do. She is getting worse and should not be left alone. She is confused and upset and constantly believes that he has carried her to a strange place even when she is in her home. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Suzanna1969]

What a dreadful situation for you and your aunt. I'm assuming from your post he is an only child. Do you have other family members you could get onside and do what the Americans call an 'intervention'? If not I don't see you have any alternative but to tell him you will contact social services if he continues to ignore her condition and neglect her care (because that's what this is - neglect).

Is he concerned he will be homeless or have to pay the rent himself if she goes into a home? Or is he worried he will have to pay for her care? Maybe getting some facts together for him about what is available might reassure him.

Poor lady, I can't imagine how horrible it must be for her. Thank goodness she you to show concern even if her own son is sticking his head in the sand.