The above request, when said by a Dementia sufferer to his/her relatives, causes untold anguish and guilt, especially if the patient has just been moved to a Care Home. Yet time & again, I have read here that it turns out to be the patient's childhood home that is being referred to, not the most recent domestic home. Indeed, they say "I want to go home" when they ARE in fact in the family home where they may have lived with their spouse & children for 20 or 30 years! BUT, a lot of families put themselves through Hell, thinking that they are responsible for the distress, when they are not.
The way in which Dementia affects memory means that childhood memories are still sometimes crystal clear, whereas recent weeks & months disappear off the radar quickly. (I'm sure nearly everyone here knows that and are rolling their eyes in exasperation - bear with me, please) Whilst the patient is probably not rationalising this, their meaning is likely to be "I want to be back in a place/time where I felt safe and everything made sense to me". It has very little to do with the physical location they happen to be in now, although I suppose a change of surroundings may trigger the reaction.
Now I have to "declare my colours", in that I haven't experienced personally what I'm writing about here, but offer the logic that it's easier for me to be objective at the moment and, hopefully, having read other people's experiences will help me in the future. My point in posting this thread is that hopefully it may prevent some of the pain and guilt which families getting to this stage go through.
Any comments or confirmation from carers who have been through it?
Or - if I'm talking out of my hat - should I delete this.
I know how annoying theoretical waffle can be and wouldn't wish to be guilty of it myself.
The way in which Dementia affects memory means that childhood memories are still sometimes crystal clear, whereas recent weeks & months disappear off the radar quickly. (I'm sure nearly everyone here knows that and are rolling their eyes in exasperation - bear with me, please) Whilst the patient is probably not rationalising this, their meaning is likely to be "I want to be back in a place/time where I felt safe and everything made sense to me". It has very little to do with the physical location they happen to be in now, although I suppose a change of surroundings may trigger the reaction.
Now I have to "declare my colours", in that I haven't experienced personally what I'm writing about here, but offer the logic that it's easier for me to be objective at the moment and, hopefully, having read other people's experiences will help me in the future. My point in posting this thread is that hopefully it may prevent some of the pain and guilt which families getting to this stage go through.
Any comments or confirmation from carers who have been through it?
Or - if I'm talking out of my hat - should I delete this.
I know how annoying theoretical waffle can be and wouldn't wish to be guilty of it myself.
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I keep getting logged out of TP and have to constantly request for a new password . Nada has kindly suggested that I take a look at my browser settings. Meanwhile, I am just trying to catch up and while doing so, found this thread. Sheila's and Norman's reply have set my mind to rest for I was planning to actually renovate my mother's childhood house in a now fast growing village in India to accommodate her wish to go home, after our return to India in July. The house, though dilapidated, still exists but the village has grown to a town with a famous university and hotels and restaurants. After reading Norman's reply particularly, I feel it would be the same with mum !
