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I walked out tonight.

MumOfDogs

New member
Dec 18, 2019
5
Sorry guys, seems like I only come here to vent. Today has been challenging. I found myself getting irritated by answering the same question every 10 seconds. Dad is fixating on the bank and his money. He wants to go every day to check his balance as he's convinced someone is stealing his money. I have tried to keep my cool and I told him we only went yesterday and didn't need to go again. He got angry and started shouting. He did this at lunchtime and then again when I visited this evening.

So I walked out. Not the answer, I know. And I know it's not his fault so now I feel guilty.

So I guess I'm here to ask how you all keep cope when the demanding behaviour becomes too much. Are there any tips on how to break the cycle of obsessive thoughts?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,418
South coast
Actually, walking out is not a bad strategy, so long as its safe to leave him, as it does often break the cycle (at least temporarily). Ive done it myself on several occasions. If its not safe to leave him try finding something that you have to do in the garden, or even just going to the loo.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,249
Yorkshire
Hi @MumOfDogs
you did the right thing
as long as you know your dad is safe, best to take yourself out of the situation

I used to have to 'just pop to the loo' (acceptable reason and private room) or to check on something in the kitchen, any excuse to break away... then give myself time to calm down... I went back to dad with a fixed smile, calm voice and a coffee with chocolate biscuits as a treat/distraction... if he started again I did not engage, just left again saying 'sorry dad, need the loo, back in a minute'....

Try agreeing to whatever he asks but add an excuse to delay eg 'OK dad, this afternoon after our lunch... I really fancy cheese on toast, wonder if we have that lovely cheddar in the fridge' then leave him... I also used to apologise a lot 'sorry dad, that took longer than I thought, silly me, but we can go out tomorrow can't we' (ending on a closed question that expects him to agree so he felt in control)

Sadly discussing, explaining, arguing won't work, in fact keeps him on topic.... and nothing works every time
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
206
Hi @MumOfDogs Yup, the loo is my go to place. Broke the legs of my glasses there by throwing them on the floor in frustration, because I’m learning not to show it to him. My OH is obsessive about shaving. We have gone through 3, and there is nothing wrong with them. Walk out, and walk back in and talk about something else as if you haven’t been absent.
 

DILhelp

Registered User
Jan 31, 2016
118
London
Sorry guys, seems like I only come here to vent. Today has been challenging. I found myself getting irritated by answering the same question every 10 seconds. Dad is fixating on the bank and his money. He wants to go every day to check his balance as he's convinced someone is stealing his money. I have tried to keep my cool and I told him we only went yesterday and didn't need to go again. He got angry and started shouting. He did this at lunchtime and then again when I visited this evening.

So I walked out. Not the answer, I know. And I know it's not his fault so now I feel guilty.

So I guess I'm here to ask how you all keep cope when the demanding behaviour becomes too much. Are there any tips on how to break the cycle of obsessive thoughts?
When I can't cope I need to leave the room and then come back in. It's so hard.
 

Ramblingrose

Registered User
Feb 2, 2020
20
I think so many people who post on this site are going through the same issues. When I read them I think Well that's exactly what my mum does or says. I too end up walking out of the room when I can't cope.