My mother with AD was doing a lot of night-waking and depending quite a bit on her male friend who lives in her building. She was wandering out into the lobby during the nights. I was getting concerned about possible wandering.
My siblings and I made the decision to arrange full time, line-in caregivers for her. She was very resistant to the idea, but we were firm with her and the care began about 2 months ago. There are 2 people who split the week and stay with her all the time.
The problem is, she won't let them do anything. No cleaning and no cooking. She gets angry if they try to accompany her out to the lobby for coffee time in the mornings, or to play cards in the afternoon or evenings. She won't allow them to make a grocery list (she can do it herself!) she avoids going shopping for food and they need her to pay for the groceries, so they can't go alone. She has become so attached to her male friend that she gets angry if he has conversations with other people in her presence. She imagines that he is sneaking around spending time with other ladies, so when he leaves her she goes out to the lobby to try to find him, over and over again. He is very social in the building and enjoys playing cards or just spending time in the common area with other residents. Sometimes she goes upstairs to his apartment and knocks on his door looking for him, even in the late evenings. If the caregivers try to stop her she gets angry.
She is paying over $6000 a month for this care, but the more I think about it the more I wonder what she is actually paying for. They can't follow her to see where she is going, so what if she wanders outside? Will they even know?
Just don't know what to do anymore. Things are getting much more difficult to manage.
My siblings and I made the decision to arrange full time, line-in caregivers for her. She was very resistant to the idea, but we were firm with her and the care began about 2 months ago. There are 2 people who split the week and stay with her all the time.
The problem is, she won't let them do anything. No cleaning and no cooking. She gets angry if they try to accompany her out to the lobby for coffee time in the mornings, or to play cards in the afternoon or evenings. She won't allow them to make a grocery list (she can do it herself!) she avoids going shopping for food and they need her to pay for the groceries, so they can't go alone. She has become so attached to her male friend that she gets angry if he has conversations with other people in her presence. She imagines that he is sneaking around spending time with other ladies, so when he leaves her she goes out to the lobby to try to find him, over and over again. He is very social in the building and enjoys playing cards or just spending time in the common area with other residents. Sometimes she goes upstairs to his apartment and knocks on his door looking for him, even in the late evenings. If the caregivers try to stop her she gets angry.
She is paying over $6000 a month for this care, but the more I think about it the more I wonder what she is actually paying for. They can't follow her to see where she is going, so what if she wanders outside? Will they even know?
Just don't know what to do anymore. Things are getting much more difficult to manage.