We went in to the CH today and popped in a few personal things for the MIL ie photos and took the little dog, she was ok but we did not stay long as the conversation is limited as you all know and we got a bit of grief
For some reason I have an innate need to clear her things from the annex and store them in the loft above it - got boxes have packed it all except from 20 tins of old biscuit tins, at least 40 bits of paper with her telephone number on and 50 old Xmas present bags. But I feel like its the only way I can move on - then I feel disrespectful to the OH as no one is moving into it, there is no need - but for me there is. I feel so confused its like I am being disrespectful but we are keeping it all and for what end?
The OH said he wants to keep all her things until she "goes " - but he has not come into the annex to see how its going - out of sight out of mind. I get that, he will move on in his own time. But he also hates going to the care home, dont get me wrong it is an amazing home and lovely room but to him its the final move to the inevitable.
I dont know if I should be happy or sad, I'm just all mixed up its like my balloon has suddenly lost its puff and earth is coming faster than I can cope with. Its only been just over a week but we went for coffee today and it was like we cannot stay to look around (garden centre) as the OH cannot cope with talking about his mum all he just needs is to get home. So I have changed tactic and talked about footie, cricket and anything else even the tyres on my car as a distraction! Is this normal, is he grieving, am I grieving. There are times I have written on TP that all feelings are validated no matter what the circumstances, but right now I am not sure what they are.
As usual TP advice willing needed. Thanks X
PS nothing from the BIL or cousin, which normally I would be pleased about but it feels like now there is no need to contact us everything we did for the MIL meant nothing to them.
For some reason I have an innate need to clear her things from the annex and store them in the loft above it - got boxes have packed it all except from 20 tins of old biscuit tins, at least 40 bits of paper with her telephone number on and 50 old Xmas present bags. But I feel like its the only way I can move on - then I feel disrespectful to the OH as no one is moving into it, there is no need - but for me there is. I feel so confused its like I am being disrespectful but we are keeping it all and for what end?
The OH said he wants to keep all her things until she "goes " - but he has not come into the annex to see how its going - out of sight out of mind. I get that, he will move on in his own time. But he also hates going to the care home, dont get me wrong it is an amazing home and lovely room but to him its the final move to the inevitable.
I dont know if I should be happy or sad, I'm just all mixed up its like my balloon has suddenly lost its puff and earth is coming faster than I can cope with. Its only been just over a week but we went for coffee today and it was like we cannot stay to look around (garden centre) as the OH cannot cope with talking about his mum all he just needs is to get home. So I have changed tactic and talked about footie, cricket and anything else even the tyres on my car as a distraction! Is this normal, is he grieving, am I grieving. There are times I have written on TP that all feelings are validated no matter what the circumstances, but right now I am not sure what they are.
As usual TP advice willing needed. Thanks X
PS nothing from the BIL or cousin, which normally I would be pleased about but it feels like now there is no need to contact us everything we did for the MIL meant nothing to them.