I think my social worker

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Margarita, Apr 24, 2007.

  1. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #1 Margarita, Apr 24, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2007
    I think my social worker thick as two blanks 2 years I have know her ,for 2 years she has NOT told me that they is a daycentre , that take people with AZ 7 days a week and is run by social services. While the AZ is a lovely daycentre for my mother and I am not complaining but are under funded as they are a charity so can’t staff the centre fully to take more people so are going to cut people days, in another area I find out that they only get one day a week, its been like that for 20 years .

    And social service, put all the purser on AZ daycentre, while they have they own one, and don’t tell me , only when the lady at mum AZ tall me this , when she must of felt bad when they did not have cover for staff members that had taken holidays , so had to take a day of my mother days going to daycentre for that week only , And then they are going to amalgamating 2 AZ day center , so days are being cut , from people like my mother that get 3 days so this lead me to ask her how the whole system work .

    So I rang this other daycentre and they said they are run by social services and I had to get a referral from my social worker , she ask me (SW) why I wanted more days for my mother , making me feel guilty in asking , that’s why I think she think , how would she like to live with her mother 24/7 even if they was nothing wrong with her , let alone when they is something wrong with her .

    My mother enjoys going to daycentre it motivate her so much , while she still can , I told social I did not want respite .

    Never told her this but felt like saying this :- This is my mother not my husband, why do we have to be glue together, I need my space still want to care for my mother at home , I don’t want someone to sit with my mother to give me time out , while they is thing like daycentre she can still participate in while she can .

    Sorry this is a rant , am going to print it out


    so am telling you all , I feel kinda better now :rolleyes:
     
  2. Gromit

    Gromit Registered User

    Apr 3, 2006
    187
    Edinburgh
    Margarita

    We aren't at this stage yet so I don't really have anything to add that may be of help to you. However, I did want you to know that I totally think you are right to want to keep your Mum as active in these day centres etc as possible and that your SW should above all things never make you feel guilty - as I understand it they are supposed to support you!

    I also wanted to post this to let you know that you are being thought of right now and I am sending you big HUGS.

    I have read many of your posts and you amaze me with the amount of care you provide for your Mum and your fighting spirit and definitely your sense of humour in what I can only imagine are very difficult circumstances.

    Take good care of yourself and never feel guilty. By looking after yourself you are also looking after your Mum.

    All the very best to you!

    Alison
    x
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Hi Margarita,

    I wish my husband enjoyed social interaction like your mother. If he did, I`d fight for places for him at day centres.

    Staying at home is so isolating. Even if you took your mother out every day, and I went out with my husband every day, they wouldn`t be mixing with other people, just with the same old `us`.

    Day centres, at least give them a change of scene, different people, activities and a little bit of quality time away from their carers.
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Maggie

    I can totally understand that you need time out from caring for your mum, and I agree that day care is preferable to respite in that your mum still has the security of her own home.

    But have you visited the other centre? If not, I would pop in on a visit before asking to change. When I was offered day care for John I visited the one on immediate offer, and said no. The people there are pretty well left to their own devices, to play cards, or just to chat, and while this is fine for people who just need company, it's no good for someone with AD.

    I had to wait three months for a place at the AD centre, but it was worth it. They know how to deal with people with AD, and give them the support they need to join in activities. They're doing a wonderful job with John. I'm thinking of asking for another day.

    So check up before you make a decision. Because they say they take AD sufferers does not necessarily mean that they have the facilities to stimulate them.

    Love,
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Margarita, you said you were going to print your post. I hope you will show it to your SW. At least it will let her know just how frustrated you feel. Stay strong,
     
  6. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    You should not feel guilty Margarita - well done for the rant. I agree you and your Mum should not be glued together (neither should husbands and wives). YOU DO NEED SPACE - why on earth cannot SW understand that. I agree with Skye - suss out this place to make sure it is right for your Mum. It sounds as if she benefits from anything sociable and it is good for her to go to a day centre.

    I agree - print out your post and show it to the SW - she may then understand how you feel.

    Keep your chin up - take care Beckyjan
     
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Registered User

    Feb 12, 2007
    55
    I find my social worker as about as much use to me as a chocolate teapot! She just doesn't seem to understand what it's like to look after someone with dementia.
     
  8. chip

    chip Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    400
    Scotland
    Looks like we all have Social Worker problems. They don't care and hit you with a bill as well for being ill and getting them involved. I think their job is only to see how much they can get of you.
     
  9. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    If you are going to show your social worker this post I would edit out this bit

    I think you can find a way of letting her know that you are disappointed that you weren't given the information about the other day centre without this. I can understand how you feel and I am sure I would feel much the same in your situation. However, if this is someone you are going to have to continue to deal with then it would be best not to antagonise her.
     
  10. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #11 Margarita, Apr 25, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007
    hazel I did not think of that vesting to see how they simulate people with dementia- AZ , so am thinking now shall do un unexpected visited tomorrow , as its only a bus ride anyway from me , while mum at daycentre .

    your right Connie about feeling frustrated , that how I felt when I came of the phone from the SW yesterday and just had to have a rant about it on hear , or it would of boiled up inside of me , because I know I have to edit what I posted like noelphobic said I can’t tell her that , I can’t tell half the people that I phone , what I really think . my daughter said that I could change my social worker , that I have a right . oh I know can and I know I am not going to get a better one , and they don’t seem to be any good social worker for the elderly , they just doing a job that has rule regulation , they not really on our side , but how to say the government money and they don’t support one like they should .

    I know she get me what I want, but I have to tell her other thing that I don’t feel is any of her business, that is adding more stress on to me, something about my brother and not putting him in the high support housing he needed in the first place, after a year in low support they now relies he need high support, when he got to the point of going down hill, so now they relies he needs to be in a place that needs 24 hours staffing. Someone layed in a report they done on him that he was going for a run in the mooring and going to day center washing himself , and if it was not this other worker taking over , he would have been lost in the system or dead , what make it worse is that someone killed themselves last year in the place he was staying , now this year they closeing it down in June . they say its because of the cut back that they are closing his home down . I don't belive that now .

    So it took a death of someone to make them realize that my brother need 24 hours care

    I feel if it was not for this man killing himself, they could keep lying in they report about my brother.

    I am not going to complain Because the man that told me about what they said in my brother report , said that he should not be telling me what he said . They is only my brother and another man in this house , so can be on top of my brother in helping hime . I have been to a meeting with them all and have told what care my brother needs are and they know it and without losing my temper. Told them that if any think happen to my brother!!!! I did not have to say anything they new what I meant.

    So his moving in June to a lovely place with 24 hour staffing , while his care worker is ringing me up asking me to help him with getting my brother to cooperate with him , he won’t and only does it for me .

    So back to my point of SW , when she says WHY , I think if I did not have all those issue with my brother she would not help me with my mother , I feel I can’t come on TP so much for a while , because I am hurting to much , because I am so frustrated with the whole way no one listen to me until I am at my wits end with fighting to get help .

    Yes I am going to talk therapy, but talk therapy is not they when I am talking to social worker , who like chip says just wants money out of you.

    So hopefully your all understand where I am coming , and letting me rant , because if I rant to the social worker , I will wind her up , she get her back up and it get me know where , so like she say’s “Oh Margaret I know you , we can just talk it out and find a way around it" yes as long as its her way , but No more just as I am getting older its all just ****es me of , that I can't tell her , so want to but won't can't :rolleyes: so I came on hear and nag at you all , :) I do try to smile , then I get oh why me :( , then why not me . Help me to be more postive , if I let that negtive anger out
     
  12. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Margarita, just to say so sorry that things still vexing you. Reckon you need a little waxwork doll of that SW and lots of needles!!!!!:mad: Sending you love and hugs, Deborah
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Dear Maggie, you rant all you want on TP. That`s what it`s for and that`s why we`re here.

    You have too much on your plate, worrying about both your mother and your brother. One person to worry about is more than enough for anyone.

    I understand how frustrating it must be for you to have to control yourself with Social Services, when really you`d just like to get it all out of your system and tell them exactly how you feel. Well I know TP is second best, but at least you can get it out of your system here, and present yourself to SS as `cool, calm and collected`.
     
  14. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Maggie, love, please don't stop coming on TP.

    You are having such a tough time. How you cope with caring for your mum and your brother I'll never know. If you can't rant to us, who can you rant to?

    Besides, we need your posts. No-one else can can make us cry one minute, and collapse into helpless giggles the next. You are wonderful!

    If you want to be positive, keep telling yourself that, and mean it! (You see, stress management course worked!!!!).

    Tell yourself what a wonderful job you are doing for your mum and brother, besides supporting us on TP. Give yourself a gold star!:)

    Post as often as you like, we'll always support you.

    Love,
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #15 Margarita, Apr 25, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007
    Oh I am back miss you all to much

    I forgot about that book they gave me ,

    Will I saw it yesterday and thought shall I get it out , then I saw the book learning to speak Alzheimer’s , open a page that said

    If you find yourself having some of the flowing symptoms ##Mood Swings
    Unusual irritability
    Inability to fall asleep (not I just can’t wake up)
    Difficulty concentrating (I do think to much, that can’t concentrate)
    Digestive problems
    Unfamiliar aches and pains Increased desire for or use of dugs or alcohol (yes that me alcohol.
    Sense of failure or hopelessness (those feeling come and go)
    Frequent bouts of crying, Fearfulness, sadness, (have a lot of Fearfulness).
    Lack of interest in normal activates or family, No really just never get the for me .

    As we often hear, getting enough exercise(I do walk the dog ) nutrition , I eat to much chocolates ) sleep (I love my sleep ) and time of can help guard against undue stress ( am always stress) The trick of course , is not to wait until you feel frazzled to begin the regime but to exercise , eat healthily , and sleep properly all the time so that when the difficult time arise you can handle them al well as possible.

    So before I get to full blow frazzled , this feel sound better Deborah thanks
    and laughing then giving up my wine and chocolate. :)

    I think stress stress management book is comeing out to read,and eat drink in Moderation . I feel careing for someone can bring out so many bad habits that I thought I had Concord, to early in the year to conker fight :( I went on a long walk with dog , left my daughter with my mother , thinking hoping she does not give her a hard time, she never and then I miss you all .

    Hazel you do say the most lovely things thank-you, I miss you also when I do not see you on TP xx

    .


    :cool: yes your so right , also My SW never understood why I wanted to get a new Computer with my carers grant , so had to get a new washing machine ( that did break down) , she said I had to spend the money on something that help me with my caring role , will TP help me with my careing roll and if my lap top brakes I need a back up ………anyway she never got my point :rolleyes: , she never got my point what I should of said :-they should give every Carer a grant to get a computer , it also help them to take away the Isolation .

    (((hugs))) to all
     
  16. pizzapie

    pizzapie Registered User

    Apr 25, 2007
    6
    Margarita you are lovely .. and I know as I have looked at many of your posts. You have a warm heart and a healthy love of the underdog, you are worth so much more than some of the people contributing here, though I guess you don't think so. Just wanted to say that. Oh .. and sack the social worker without fear .. too much fear on this forum ... remember they cannot incarcerate you or kill you .. this is a free country and you can say "no"!
     
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #17 Margarita, Apr 25, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007
    Easier said then done when saying No your sack , when your so bog down with issue coming out of your ears , then wondering what the other social worker going to be like, could say my perception of a situation that has not happen , as in getting a new social worker is all over the place , as I have had a lot of change in my life so don’t want anymore , so just have to work at it .

    Am going to see what this daycentre is like for my mother before I go head on with the social worker and sack her & that why its good to share story on TP to get another perception on my situation. We all walk alone at the end of the day with someone that has AZ

    They will always be fear in something we do not understand as we have not been programmed educated with AZ from a young age , change does bring fear , it learning how to change that fear in a positive way .

    when your liveing in it , with AZ 27/4 it can bring in the fear feeling .


    How do you change that ? I like what Grannie G said
    thanks for sharing , welcome to TP
     
  18. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Just been catching up on your posts here Margarita - hope you are feeling a bit better now. Just thinking about you.
    Beckyjan
     
  19. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear, dear Margarita,

    {{{{{{{{{{HUGS********************** from Nell
     
  20. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Well, I think you probably realise I meant

    {{{{{{{{{{HUGS**************************** Nel!!!!
     

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