1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

I think my neighbour has dementia, and is making accusations.

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Ryan2233, Jul 16, 2019.

  1. Ryan2233

    Ryan2233 New member

    Jul 16, 2019
    So a bit of background, my mother works nightshift, and I babysit my little brother for her overnight. I'm 18.

    Our neighbour who is in her mid to late 80's was actually really nice, we've lived here for 4 years, and she's brung us Christmas gifts, etc. She's always been lovely.

    But today, she came banging on the door like the police. And when we opened the door, she pushed me aside and demanded my mother who was home for like 1 hour from her night shift.

    She started telling her "you've no idea what he does to me" (pointing at me). "banging all night, running up and down stairs all night", "Purposely banging on the wall", and acting like I'm actually doing all this to purposely annoy her. (Just to say, I don't make lots of noise. I might occasionally listen to the radio through the Amazon Echo but 90% of the time I use earphones on my PC at night). I was completely speechless, and she started getting really close to me and pointing in my face, and actually was scaring me if I'm honest as she seemed very unhinged.

    My mum is actually a care home nurse for people with dementia, ironically, so she was good and kept a clear head but I was absolutely flabbergasted at this woman saying this. She also said that I was shouting at my cat, and shouting at my little brother, which is really upsetting to me because my cat is my pride and joy, I'd never shout or hurt him or anything. And my brother, who was as surprised as me if I'm honest. It's really upsetting hear her say this. Then she actually said if It happens again she'll call the police.

    I don't know what to do, even if she does call the police what do I say? Does this sound like she has dementia?

    It got to a point that she wouldn't actually leave the house, so we did start walking towards the door and she eventually left but I'm scared she'll wake up in the middle of the night, having thought she's heard something, and calls the police. She must be hearing things or dreaming about things.

  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    I would go to the police first and alert them to the problem. They deal with this regularly so if she calls them out they will know what they are dealing with. You have become the enemy. That might change to someone else but be prepared for a long haul. Keep calm.
  3. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    I agree with @marionq - speak to the police to make them aware of the situation. Should she call, you have things in place.
  4. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    Hi Ryan
    So sorry you've been accused of all this. It must be very shocking and it's no wonder you're upset.
    When my grandson was 15 my aunt told a number of people that he was breaking into her house and stealing things. He lived 100 miles away and was at home studying every night! My sister found it so upsetting she didn't tell me for months.
    I agree that you and your mother should alert the police. You could also let social services know that she appears to be a vulnerable adult.
    The best approach is to be calm and concerned for her wellbeing.
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    How upsetting for you @Ryan2233

    Unfortunately neighbours often come in for unjust accusations, especially if the person with dementia lives alone.
    My mum lived alone and the woman across the road contacted the police because mum was harassing her.

    Yes, I agree with everyone else, explain to the police about the accusations and say that you think that she has dementia. I would also contact Social Services Safeguarding and say that you are concerned that she is a vulnerable person
  6. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    My husband accuses my neighbour’s son of playing music late at night which keeps him awake. He gets angry with me when I say I can’t hear it! He is very deaf and I am not so I know it’s not true.

    I would inform SS, doesn’t she have any family to help look after her?
  7. Ryan2233

    Ryan2233 New member

    Jul 16, 2019
    Hi. Thanks for the info.
    I don't really know, but people do come and go, but they look like they're around her age. And we don't know ant of them.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.