I think my husband has dementia but he refuses to discuss it

[Elaineds]

Hi, I am new to this forum and hoping you may be able to advise me. My husband is 61 years old and over the last few years his physical and cognitive abilities have declined. His walking and balance are poor. Over the last few months this has rapidly gone down hill. His memory is really bad and he repeats things over and over again. He has lost the confidence to drive although he denies this. He is pretty down most of the time, which he puts down to having to shield during the pandemic. He has always loved to cook but he gets really worked up and everybody has to stay out of his way when he is preparing a meal.
I have tried to talk to him about my concerns and encouraged him to speak to our GP but he either denies there is a problem or claims it is impossible to get an appointment. I have offered to do this for him but he just gets angry with me. Anger was an emotion that he rarely showed in the past so I guess this is just another symptom.
I have talked with my grown up sons who are very aware of the problems. We have thought about sitting down as a family, to discuss our concerns with him but we are worried that he may feel we are ganging up on him.
I am not sure if our GP would be willing to talk to me about him due to patient confidentiality but do you think I should approach him? I am very nervous about going behind his back as I know he will get angry If he finds out. Has anybody else dealt with this.? I would be grateful for any advice.
Elaine

 

[karaokePete]

Hello and welcome @Elaineds

Many people find themselves in this position and so they do, indeed, have to approach the GP with their concerns.

A GP may not discuss the case but they will listen and may sometimes collude with the family to have a loved one called in for a routine appointment, like a well-man exam when checks can be made.

Dementia like symptoms can be caused by other things so it's important to have a check.

 

[karaokePete]

Just to expand on the fact that the best thing to do in this situation is have a chat with your GP. Many treatable conditions, such as depression, stress, thyroid problems, vitamin deficiencies etc., can cause dementia like symptoms so it's important to have a check-up. Please don't cause additional stress by jumping to the immediate conclusion that it's dementia. On the other hand, if it is dementia then a diagnosis may open up support for you.

Here is a link to a Society Fact sheet about the diagnosis issue. Just click the second line to read or print the document


Assessment and diagnosis (426)
PDF printable version

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Elaineds and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I'm sorry that your concerns for your husband bought you here, but this is a very supportive place and you'll get lots of help and advice.
What I did when I had concerns about my mother was piggy-back and appointment she already had with the GP and slip him a letter which outlined my concerns in bullet points. That got the ball rolling. If your husband isn't likely to be visiting the GP you could email or send in a letter, or make an appointment and explain your concerns in person. The GP won't be able to talk directly abut your husband but hopefully would call the person in for a 'well-man' check or similar. If he does it would be a good idea to go with him if you can, as what he tells you afterwards might not be what the GP actually said. It's a good idea as there other things that could be causing the symptoms not just dementia.
Do you have Power of Attorney sorted? If you haven't this is a very good thing to get sorted now. You could get yours done at the same time, and it may be a good opportunity for your sons and you to discuss with your husband the problems that might happen if one of you had a stroke or another incapacitating illness without explicitly mentioning dementia.
Keep us updated how things go.

 

[Elaineds]

Hello and welcome @Elaineds

Many people find themselves in this position and so they do, indeed, have to approach the GP with their concerns.

A GP may not discuss the case but they will listen and may sometimes collude with the family to have a loved one called in for a routine appointment, like a well-man exam when checks can be made.

Dementia like symptoms can be caused by other things so it's important to have a check.

 

[Elaineds]

Many thanks for your advice. I will try to talk to our GP and hopefully he will find a way to get him in for a chat, even if it is on the pretext of having a routine check up.
I will keep you posted

 

[Countryboy]

Ok then support him maybe he doesn’t accept him might have dementia and why is that a problem for other family members what do you actually think the doctors will do other than various test maybe a diagnoses possibly medication then what ?? he is not alone because with various media outlets people are aware of all the discrimination and stigma from bureaucrats and originations is unbelievable remember dementia can’t be cut out or cured its got to be dealt with and having loads of negative information wont help .

People with optimistic spouses are less at-risk for dementia because their partners encourage healthy habits and share stronger memories with them, study finds

Researchers at the University of Michigan and Harvard found people with optimistic spouses have less cognitive decline and memory loss

They think that happier partners also tend to have better habits

People are more likely to pick up their partner's habits - good or bad

They also found people could recall more detailed memories when they were shared with a partner

By NATALIE RAHHAL ACTING US HEALTH EDITOR
PUBLISHED: 21:44, 11 February 2020 | UPDATED: 00:58, 12 February 2020

People with happy and optimistic partners will live healthier lives and may even be protected against dementia, suggests a new study.

Researchers say people who spend their lives with a partner who has a sunny outlook had lower risks for Alzheimer's disease, dementia and cognitive decline as the grow old together.

They believe that an optimistic partner may help develop a healthier lifestyle by encouraging things like eating a salad or exercising together.

The study, published in the Journal of Personality, followed more than 4,000 heterosexual couples for up to eight years.

People who were married to optimists fared better cognitively as their lives went on, and the researchers from Michigan State University and Harvard University think it may be because their home environments were healthier and less stressful.