I think my dad has dementia

[kennyuk]

He is having trouble recognizing money, and working out his finances, he believes he can get any amount of cash, when in reality he only has his state pension. I can't talk him out of this, any discussion, or small problems seem huge to him, he's often reacting with anger.
He is still active, and on the whole, able to care for his own needs, but for how long ?
My dad would never go to a doctor, and if one came up to see him, he would simply lock himself in the bathroom, and then shout at me later.

I also have a brother who has Scizophrenia, but he is quite stable, but there is always the chance of him becoming unstable. He really can't cope with my dad's changes.
How do I cope with this ? I am alone, and overwhelmed with fear for the future. I also have illnesses of my own, I feel that I am contstantly on the edge.

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi Kenny, welcome to TP

Although there's a phrase "if you've seen one dementia patient you've seen one dementia patient" what you descibe does not sound like a classic case of dementia. While dementia patients may well forget how much money they have, or where they've put it, they don't normally start to think they have unlimited resources, at least not at the beginning. How old is your father? Is he in generally good health?

Really the strartng point has to be to get him to see a doctor. You might contact his GP expressing your concerns - while often people refuse to go and see a doctor for memory problems (and a lot of other things) it is often possible to get them there on a pretext (e.g. flu shot) or possibly an unschededuled (from your Father's point of view) housecall might be possible. If he shouts at you afterwards - well, that's one of those things.

If you think he might be vulnerable to financial abuse, you could contact Action on Elder abuse (080 8808 8141).

For specific resources in your area the Alzheimer's Society can point you in the right direction.

Jennifer

 

[kennyuk]

The money is just one thing, he's also getting confused, irrational, and argumentative. I can't reason with him on many things.
This seems like just the tip of the iceberg, it can only get worse.
Him and and my brother sometimes get into agressive shouting arguements over money, I suffer from depression, I can't cope with this.

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Kenny Perhaps you could go to the doctor for yourself and discuss your dad with him. He might be able to advise you, or point you in the right direction for help.

 

[Margarita]

Gosh you sound like where I was 5 years ago when you say .

Him and my brother sometimes get into aggressive shouting arguments over money

Sounds like my mother and my brother as my brother has Schizophrenia,

No one believed me back then in my mother change of behaviour.

It like I was piggy in the middle.

Also yes back then my mother thought she had an endless pop of money , so god know back then what stage she was at , because she was not even diagnosed with AZ , I wonder could you not talk to your brother CPN about your father change in behaviour,

I know your feeling you can’t cope, back then I did not have TP . so I thought that also I could not cope , but now you found us now so you may not feel it , but your lucky we are hear for you .

The hardest step is getting your dad to the doctors write all the changes of behaviour down on paper , see if your brother CPN can help , can you talk to your brother , but I know

I found even now my brother just does not believe or understand what is happening to my mother.

 

[Margarita]

PS

I have always felt that

The money is just one thing, he's also getting confused, irrational, and argumentative. I can't reason with him on many things.

Nor could I back then , don’t try it drive you around the bend , just try humouring him , in what areas are you trying to reason with him ? if you don't mind me asking