I'm not sad....well that's not true, of course I'm sad, but I'm not upset.
Mum has been declining quite quickly lately. She's had a couple of overnight admissions to A&E recently...chest pains that might have been her angina, fainting & dizziness. She eats very little, drinks a small amount and says she is tired all the time. She falls or is unbalanced constantly, she is bruised, cut and battered all over.
I got her, at her request last week, a three wheeled walker to help her steady herself and hopefully build up a bit of strength by walking a bit more....I could have saved the time and money, She's been in bed since Friday, except for infrequent trips to the loo with two handed support. She was found on the floor on Saturday night....more bruises and a bloody nose. When I went in today she had a rigid zimmer to help her stand.
Naturally the weight is falling off her.....so are her PJs! note to self..take the sewing kit in tomorrow to tighten the elastic. I bought her a mattress topper today to pad her bed a bit, and a couple of "sippy" cups from the children's aisle ( but I peeled the giraffe stickers off)
Mum has been on anti depressants for a while, but her behaviour is not demonstrably depressed. She and I have had a couple of talks this weekend, and basically, she thinks it's time...time to die. She has had enough now, thank you. She is not in pain as such. She has no illnesses other than the ones she has had for years and years. She has her strong Christian faith to lean on, and is not scared of death. She believes ( and who am I to say otherwise) that her loved ones, who went before her, will greet her at the gateway and lead her to her rest.
Her carers and all the staff cannot believe how quickly she has gone down. I have said to them that, at 86, she has still enough mind to let us know her wishes. I do not want any medical intervention, other than pain relief if it becomes necessary) and neither does she. Her GP, carers and I had the DNR conversation just under three weeks ago, and at the time he said that she was becoming frail quite rapidly, and that perhaps two months prior her would not have contemplated the need for a DNR, however, such was her rate of decline, that it had become necessary.
Mum may rally, but I would not expect her to recover very much of the body strength she has lost. She would hate to live as an invalid.
I would rather say goodbye to Mum now, while she is at peace with the world, herself and the Lord, than to have her suffer pain, distress and loss of dignity even for a single day.
I've loved my Mum and I've hated my Mum, but I thank her, with all my heart for giving life to me and for helping to mould me into the person I've become.
I hope they come for her soon.....and take her to her promised rest.x.
Mum has been declining quite quickly lately. She's had a couple of overnight admissions to A&E recently...chest pains that might have been her angina, fainting & dizziness. She eats very little, drinks a small amount and says she is tired all the time. She falls or is unbalanced constantly, she is bruised, cut and battered all over.
I got her, at her request last week, a three wheeled walker to help her steady herself and hopefully build up a bit of strength by walking a bit more....I could have saved the time and money, She's been in bed since Friday, except for infrequent trips to the loo with two handed support. She was found on the floor on Saturday night....more bruises and a bloody nose. When I went in today she had a rigid zimmer to help her stand.
Naturally the weight is falling off her.....so are her PJs! note to self..take the sewing kit in tomorrow to tighten the elastic. I bought her a mattress topper today to pad her bed a bit, and a couple of "sippy" cups from the children's aisle ( but I peeled the giraffe stickers off)
Mum has been on anti depressants for a while, but her behaviour is not demonstrably depressed. She and I have had a couple of talks this weekend, and basically, she thinks it's time...time to die. She has had enough now, thank you. She is not in pain as such. She has no illnesses other than the ones she has had for years and years. She has her strong Christian faith to lean on, and is not scared of death. She believes ( and who am I to say otherwise) that her loved ones, who went before her, will greet her at the gateway and lead her to her rest.
Her carers and all the staff cannot believe how quickly she has gone down. I have said to them that, at 86, she has still enough mind to let us know her wishes. I do not want any medical intervention, other than pain relief if it becomes necessary) and neither does she. Her GP, carers and I had the DNR conversation just under three weeks ago, and at the time he said that she was becoming frail quite rapidly, and that perhaps two months prior her would not have contemplated the need for a DNR, however, such was her rate of decline, that it had become necessary.
Mum may rally, but I would not expect her to recover very much of the body strength she has lost. She would hate to live as an invalid.
I would rather say goodbye to Mum now, while she is at peace with the world, herself and the Lord, than to have her suffer pain, distress and loss of dignity even for a single day.
I've loved my Mum and I've hated my Mum, but I thank her, with all my heart for giving life to me and for helping to mould me into the person I've become.
I hope they come for her soon.....and take her to her promised rest.x.
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