I think Mum is dying...and I'm not sad...

[cragmaid]

I'm not sad....well that's not true, of course I'm sad, but I'm not upset.
Mum has been declining quite quickly lately. She's had a couple of overnight admissions to A&E recently...chest pains that might have been her angina, fainting & dizziness. She eats very little, drinks a small amount and says she is tired all the time. She falls or is unbalanced constantly, she is bruised, cut and battered all over.
I got her, at her request last week, a three wheeled walker to help her steady herself and hopefully build up a bit of strength by walking a bit more....I could have saved the time and money, She's been in bed since Friday, except for infrequent trips to the loo with two handed support. She was found on the floor on Saturday night....more bruises and a bloody nose. When I went in today she had a rigid zimmer to help her stand.
Naturally the weight is falling off her.....so are her PJs! note to self..take the sewing kit in tomorrow to tighten the elastic. I bought her a mattress topper today to pad her bed a bit, and a couple of "sippy" cups from the children's aisle ( but I peeled the giraffe stickers off)
Mum has been on anti depressants for a while, but her behaviour is not demonstrably depressed. She and I have had a couple of talks this weekend, and basically, she thinks it's time...time to die. She has had enough now, thank you. She is not in pain as such. She has no illnesses other than the ones she has had for years and years. She has her strong Christian faith to lean on, and is not scared of death. She believes ( and who am I to say otherwise) that her loved ones, who went before her, will greet her at the gateway and lead her to her rest.
Her carers and all the staff cannot believe how quickly she has gone down. I have said to them that, at 86, she has still enough mind to let us know her wishes. I do not want any medical intervention, other than pain relief if it becomes necessary) and neither does she. Her GP, carers and I had the DNR conversation just under three weeks ago, and at the time he said that she was becoming frail quite rapidly, and that perhaps two months prior her would not have contemplated the need for a DNR, however, such was her rate of decline, that it had become necessary.
Mum may rally, but I would not expect her to recover very much of the body strength she has lost. She would hate to live as an invalid.

I would rather say goodbye to Mum now, while she is at peace with the world, herself and the Lord, than to have her suffer pain, distress and loss of dignity even for a single day.

I've loved my Mum and I've hated my Mum, but I thank her, with all my heart for giving life to me and for helping to mould me into the person I've become.
I hope they come for her soon.....and take her to her promised rest.x.

 

[Nanak]

Hi,
I wholeheartedly understand and agree with every word you say. I hope for your and Mums sakes she slips away quietly.
I wish you strength for the coming days, my thoughts are with you

Kim xxx

 

[Haylett]

Dear Maureen, what a courageous and unselfish post, and how much you care for your Mum and how well you respect and defend her own clearly expressed wish. Having been at loggerheads with Mum for much of my early life, I loved her completely, particularly in the last five-eight years as we battled together to kick dementia into touch. That, and like you, having an understanding at last, of how much I learned through her - and that has helped me find peace and acceptance.

Whatever the next months and weeks hold for you both, I wish you love and peace and that incredible connection and closeness that is so special - and which we all seek in the end...x

 

[ellejay]

Wishing peace & comfort for your mum Maureen. Thinking of you x

Lin x

 

[lin1]

Dear Mauree
Though sad your post is beautiful. Your love for your Mum shines through

xxxx

 

[Mamsgirl]

Oh Maureen, no help from me, the hard won wisdom and the tenderness and selflessness of your words has me in tears. I struggle to comprehend why life's end stage is like it's opposite, birth, with it's need for endurance and strength and the impatience for it all to be over. But the wonder and reward of new life makes up for everything.

Mother Nature is cruel to make the two processes, life's two immensities so similar when the outcomes literally couldn't be more different. Sorry, rambling. Bit of a heavy duty day with my Mum yesterday....

Dementia and age related suffering are a scourge, but I don't experience the loss of an older relative or a virtual sufferer with relief, just sadness. Rambling again, was it Nietzsche who talked about ants waggling their antennae in rage at the universe?

Wishing you great strength and courage,
Toni (the outraged ant) x

 

[Kevinl]

Hi Maureen
It'll be 2 years on new year's eve since I took the lonely walk back to my car across the hospital car park in the driving sleet having lost my mother, there never is a right time but there is a time and if your mother's time has come then accept it.
It's good to know she is comforted by her faith my mother was too, believing she'd meet all those that have gone before her.
K

 

[Noorza]

I understand and feel your every word, you just want what is best for your mum from where she is now. I am so sorry x

 

[Izzy]

Hi Maureen
It'll be 2 years on new year's eve since I took the lonely walk back to my car across the hospital car park in the driving sleet having lost my mother, there never is a right time but there is a time and if your mother's time has come then accept it.
It's good to know she is comforted by her faith my mother was too, believing she'd meet all those that have gone before her.
K

Just echoing these sentiments Maureen. My mum died here at home with us 2 years ago. It was the 'right' time. Thinking if you.

 

[Grannie G]

It`s good to know you can accept the time may be coming Maureen, and the time may be right.

We cannot stop the clock or the ravages of illness, nor should we want to.

I hope your mum goes in peace.

 

[angecmc]

I understand too, I wish you both the peaceful ending your Mum deserves xx

Ange

 

[rajahh]

very beautiful post, full of love. I pray your mother does not have to wait too long, and remains at peace throughout the rest of her journey

Jeannette

 

[fullmoon]

Words spoken from the heart. God bless hope your mum as a swift and peaceful passing.