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I Suspect This Has Been Asked Loads Before But...

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kay111, Nov 20, 2019.

  1. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    113
    Dad has moderate to late stage dementia (though perhaps more in late stage), is immobile and doubly incontinent. He's currently in respite and when I spoke to a clinical psychologist (for his aggressive outbursts during personal care) she was surprised that after respite he might come home, with the help of carers coming in. She said she couldn't imagine it (in a nice way, she wasn't pushy).

    If someone is in the later stages, is it completely unheard of that they are at home? Sorry if that's a daft question, but she was so surprised, it surprised me.

    Are there obvious reasons why it's not doable that I'm just not thinking of right now? Dad would be living with my mum, and they would be 15 minutes away from me. I am happy to cut my work part time for the next year or two so I can share the caring with mum, as well as getting carers in to help with his personal care etc. Mum would much prefer to have him at home with her (they have been married 43 years and are completely inseperable). Dad's not really very sociable, especially any more and he wouldn't be looking to have activities organised or loads of other people to chat to etc.

    Are there health/welfare reasons why we should be wary in future? We just want the best for dad.

    Would be grateful for any thoughts/advice on this, thank you so much!
     
  2. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    787
    Female
    cornwall
    Hi.My dad has very poor immobility and is becoming more incontinent.
    He has no carers overnight and has now developed a pressure area..
    Maybe this is what she is wary of .
    To prevent pressure areas he will have to have a hospital bed. Plus he will have to have a airflow mattress.At night time he may have to be repositioned which needs 2 carers.

    On top of that there is will be incontinence changes.
    If your dad is immobile he will need a hoist plus 2 people to move it.Does this help?
     
  3. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    113
    Thank you @TNJJ - yes, that is helpful, thank you! Those things we're now aware of, especially since he's been in respite. It just sounded like the psychologist had never even heard of advanced dementia patients being cared for at hom, and I wondered if I was missing something blindingly obvious!!!

    I'm sorry to hear your dad has developed a pressure area. From what I understand they can appear even if you take a lot of precautions!
     
  4. BryanG2001

    BryanG2001 Registered User

    Mar 2, 2014
    59
    Absolutely no reason you can't care for your Dad at home, at least so long as you have the right support in place. Get all the help you can, involve your GP, get on the list with your District Nursing team, your local council may be able to help by loaning any equipment you need. Get an assessment by the Social Services of his needs. There is a lot of training available online, so go study. On Youtube search for Teepa Snow Dementia.
    Go on to this benefits calculator and make sure you are claiming everything you should:
    https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/benefits-entitlements/benefits-calculator/

    Sorry some of that sounded a bit bossy, not intentional, just the way it came out of my head.
     
  5. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    113
    Thank you @BryanG2001 ! Not bossy at all, it's that kind of situation where things are so confusing sometimes it's just reassuring to have people say think about X, Y, Z.
     
  6. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,890
    Female
    There are some members on here who have cared for their PWDs at home until the end, but not many. It really depends on the course of the disease, and their needs and behaviours, everyone is different. It would be a lot for your mum to deal with 24/7 so she would need to access additional help. I think your dad is self funding? There is no reason she can't at least try it and see how it works out.
     

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