I'm pretty much at my witts end right now. I'm tired all the time, I'm tired of being accused of hiding things being told I want him to stave, I'm tired of not really having much of a life anymore, I'm tired of constantly changing my plans and getting time off from work at late notice. I'm tired my dad behaves so well with anyone else who isn't me or my sister. Dad wouldn't have even remembered who called him a few moments after the call. Why call up the person having the appointment at the memory clinic to tell them it's been cancelled?
As I said in a previous post, what difference will a diagnosis mean? We will still be in the same situation, my dad will still be completley oblivious of us running around after him and I doubt there will be any further support. I've been pretty much called a liar by medical professionals I have tried contacting Age UK and other organisations, and am just told there aren't any appointments and they would be back in contact. At least without the appointment, I can go to the drop in at my local carers information centre they hold them on Tuesday mornings (again, these things only ever seem to happen at times when I would be working). But I guess I should use the time productively.
Never have I read anything more relatable than the first few sentences of this post. I've been caring full-time for my grandmother since her AD diagnosis three years ago, and I've absolutely no shame in saying that this is the most physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting challenge of my life - and I'm 26! However, I'm extraordinarily grateful that my Mum/Dad share the responsibility too (although it falls predominantely to me because they both have jobs, and I have prior care experience).
Re. tiredness; I haven't had a full night's sleep in at least a year, and my days of having a lie-in are long gone. My Nan has attached herself to me; I'm the one who gets woken up at silly o'clock in the morning asking if it's time to get up yet and so on (although this gets worse when the clocks go backwards in October; the earliest it's ever been is 2:20am!), I have literally had words put into my mouth by those who are meant to 'help' (I was told that I'd 'refused' my Nan to go on medication; I didn't - the doctor who diagnosed her said it was his belief that her symptoms were advanced to the point that medication would have had little effect), and my life has consisted of appointment after appointment and getting asked the same questions over and over again, only to be patronisingly told that I'm doing a good job and handed a list with phone numbers on it. You absolutely feel like banging your head against a brick wall, because it's on your mind literally 24/7 and you feel like you're just not being listened to, no matter how loud you shout.
However, all is not lost. We've FINALLY been given the answers to the questions we've spent two and a half years searching for. My Nan now attends our local retirement centre in which there is a dementia suite twice a week, which she thoroughly enjoys, so much so we can start putting her in for the full days (10am to 3pm Monday/Friday) from next week, and a week's brief respite is planned for next month.
I know that my circumstances are entirely different to yours, but please remember that all is not lost - you will get the help you need.
Re. not having a life - you do have a life, although it may not seem like it. As patronising as this sounds (and I don't intend it to), you have to make time for you. I make a point of going out at least one afternoon a week for a few hours and go for a walk first thing in the morning once Nan has had her breakfast etc. I have to do this, because believe me if I didn't, I'd have had a mental breakdown by now. There's only so much one can take before it all boils over. I know you have a job that requires you to work different shifts etc, and I'm guessing that can also cause stress depending on what type of job it is, but take time out to look after you, because Carer Breakdown is a very, very real thing.
Sorry if I've wittered on and told you nothing in this message, but it resonated with me a hell of a lot.