I suspect my father may be struggling with dementia...

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by AztecCamera87, Mar 12, 2019.

  1. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    I left work early today. Lack of sleep and just generally feeling ****. My work are lovely and understanding. But I'm getting ill. I've been told my white blood cell counts are very low by my doctor. I'm only in my early 30s. A little worried.
     
  2. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,893
    You need to give yourself some TLC, & get yourself sorted out health wise.
    Try & get some extra help in Ask the GP, SS etc; use this opportunity to make your life easier. As a parent I wouldn’t want my child becoming ill looking after me.
    Let us know how you are feeling, you sound really run down
    Xxx
     
  3. fairy62

    fairy62 Registered User

    Aug 15, 2019
    23
    I today had to ring the doctors to find out when they were coming out to do my husbands bloods for the memory clinic only to be told the district nurses won’t come out as he is not housebound !!!! If I hadn’t rung up I’d still be waiting now for the letter . As it stands I now have an appointment on Tuesday.
     
  4. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,893
    Dad was more likely to go walkabout as going to the clinic to get bloods etc unsettled him. So asked if DN could call to help keep Dad settled, apparently dementia qualified for visits; this was quite early on as well before major mobility issues etc.
    Safeguarding is the keyword that I used a lot.
     
  5. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    Memory clinic appointment on Monday. I sent a pdf doc attachment to them, documenting everything that's going on, i asking it's read by the assessor before the appointment. It feels like going behind dads back. But it's not the time to feel guilty. Hopefully they will. My depression is at a high right now, apprehensive about everything. Running scenarios through my head. Stupid really, I know. Not sure how I will feel either way. Odd, there isn't a good answer.
     
  6. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,097
    Male
    Bristol
    Good luck on Monday @AztecCamera87. Don't let the guilt get to you, your dad will get the medication he needs and you should get the care support from the clinic once the full picture is known.
    For your own anxiety and depression, have you tried the 4 minute breathing exercise. You basically breath in for 4 seconds, hold for a second and out for 4 seconds. Repeat that for 4 minutes. It's supposed to rebalance the Oxygen and CO2 in your blood stream, but I find it does help to calm me. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/ is a website my CBT therapist recommended for resources to help.
     
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,893
    I think you can’t win what ever you do.
    I totally understand the depression bit, on optimum “happy pills”, to be honest I find getting out & about a bit too much at the moment.
    Good luck for Monday- let us know how you get on
    X
     
  8. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    Hi,

    We went for the memory clinic appointment this morning. Dad agreed to take part and we talked to the nurse for a bit and then me and my sister had to leave the room and fill in a couple more tests about dad. While dad was doing two tests with the nurse.

    The nurse came out after 10-15 minutes, which slightly worried me as we were told it wake double that, and told us she stopped the tests as it was proving to be too much for dad and she felt it wasn't fair for him to continue. We weren't given any diagnosis (as they will need to talk through it with other staff and track down one of dads recent CT scans (he's had two done for other things in the past two months). She will do a home visit in September to go through everything with us... But I think I know what it's going to be. Dad seems a bit unsure what's been going on, I imagine by the evening he will be further unaware.
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,786
    Female
    South coast
    Im glad you have got the ball rolling and will probably be getting a diagnosis soon.
    When mum was given her diagnosis it just seemed to go over her head - she seemed to think he was talking about someone else and then she soon forgot.
     
  10. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,097
    Male
    Bristol
    It's good to get process going, but sad your dad couldn't cope with the tests. My OH was like that, the pressure of the situation got to her, and I don't know if your dad is the same. Looks like the nurse was sensitive and sensible though, so you should have some support there when she makes the home visit.
     
  11. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    My dad doesn't recall what we were doing this morning already. But he says it was nice to get out for a bit. So I didn't press further.
     
  12. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    I think it was the best thing to do in the circumstances. No point pressing further if he was struggling. She seemed very sure about the home visit in September, I would be terribly surprised if they didn't come back with a diagnosis. I was reading my initial post on the thread. It's pretty hard seeing how far he has declined in recent months. I think my mum's death has just been too much for him. I hope the decline at least flat lines for the next few years. I have a lot to think about as I want dad to stay in the house for as long as humanly possible. I may look to go part time with work.
     
  13. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    a couple of things of I had noticed develop of late:

    - Depth perception decline:
    Dad has been finding it more difficult with his depth perception of late. He has to take a whole lot of care to place his cup on the little table next to his chair and has spilt his coffee cup on a few occasions in the last couple of weeks. He has also dropped things on the floor like the remote control when placing it down. This is an odd one, he has also started to miss his mouth when eating. Always ends up with food all down his shirt or spilling the milk from his breakfast cereal when trying to drink the milk.

    - Continuing decline of walking and balance:
    Every day it's becoming further difficult for dad to get out of his armchair. I know I talk about the walking quite a lot. But his GP brushed it off as just the fact he broke his hip several years ago, so it's just general stiffness. But this is more than that, after a few struggling steps he will stop, almost like he is thinking about how to walk. His feet are shuffling more on the ground. He cannot stand up without holding on to something or he can't keep balance.

    - The best way to urinate... :
    Granted this could easily be down to fact he can't get out to the toilet on time. Although sometimes he just isn't aware he's going to urinate. But the times he is aware, he has started this very very off thing of grabbing a towel (we keep towels all over the house at the moment, due to spills and etc). Chucking this towel on the floor and then just peeing on it. I caught him yesterday in the kitchen, he said he didn't just do this, despite having his penis out and mid-pee on the towel. He didn't seem to realise why this was a problem.

    My sister told me she found him doing the same thing in the bathroom a couple days previous, despite being a matter of steps away from toilet. A few days back, I thought it was odd that two kicten towels (used to dry dishes) smelt like urine, I assumed dad had just used them to clean a mess in the toilet.... So i chucked them straight into the wash....
     
  14. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,060
    I do feel for you @AztecCamera87 this is such a difficult situation. I can empathize with the balance the lack of perception and the eating issues my mother-in-law had all of these. She also adamantly denied that she was responsible for any faeces on the floor. I remember the "poogate" issues so well.....
     
  15. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    783
    Female
    cornwall
    Hi.Does your dad have an electric recliner?
     
  16. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    No, but I'm thinking about investing in one over the next few weeks, as it would really help him with getting up out of the seat and would be much more comfortable for him.
     
  17. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    Last night was very difficult. I was working late and then had problems with the trains getting home! Once I get home I'm greeted with terrible smells, dad had decided to poo on the sofa. I have no idea what was going through his head, he wears pads, so it would be at least logical to just mess them, he has a comode in the living room, so he could have used that if it was coming. No, he decided to pull his trousers and pad down and poo on the sofa and then try and clean himself up by using his hand.

    I spent the next hour when I get through the door washing, cleaning and dressing him for bed. I get him in his chair (he isn't supposed to sit on the sofa, as it's supposed to be for everyone else to sit on. I then am washing and cleaning the sofa to the best of my ability. My dad looks at me confusingly and asks "what are you doing? why are you washing the sofa?". He had no idea what happened. It's odd... certain things he will remember, but anything like this.... it's gone.

    I told my sister I was working late the previous day, she wasn't around, I didn't see her in the morning... so I guess she was just staying with her boyfriend. I don't blame her. But really, I'm at breaking point, my dad has no idea these things happen, nor does he even believe he has a problem. But I can't do this anymore.
     
  18. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,786
    Female
    South coast
    With the story about the towel and now this, it sounds like he still has understanding that he needs to go (sometimes at least) but cannot remember where, or what a toilet is.

    Time for a new needs assessment?
     
  19. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,060
    I agree but ,to be frank, perhaps it's time to consider a whole team looking after your dad? I'm sure that's not what you want to hear ,but you can only do so much
     
  20. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    99
    Useless GPs...

    This morning the DN tells me dad had done that thing again, where he pooed his pants and left the poo in his breakfast bowel. She also commented on his odd shuffle and stopping when he walked. She thought it seemed neurological.

    She arranged a home visit for the GP today! I said I needed to book the day off work as we had no idea about the time of day, the GP surgery were useless and just said it would be any time before 5.

    The GP came at half two. And was just useless. I explained all concerns. And all he said was, "well your dad seems fine". I explained the memory clinic. I explained the memory, confusion, the incontinence the uncontrollable night sweats... Everything.... And all he said was your dad needs to go to physio at the hospital and someone will need to take him. There is no reason the walking problems are neurological... Like ***! I had to take the day off work at the last minute... Again... And this useless waste of a GP comes and acts like it's all just an inconvenience. I'm livid.
     

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