Hi Y'all
Yesterday, thanks to great support from many of you, my spirits were lifted....then I got a couple of calls about Mum's behaviour. Mum had made calls asking to be taken shopping. For different reasons, both had to say 'no'.
However, one caller, a neighbour, wanted to know the in's and out's of the family actions with respect to Mum's care...they were quite demanding and almost accusative.
So I emailed my bro, he called me back, (he lives in Oz), he messaged the neighbour. Hopefully they will be placated for quite sometime.
Don't get me wrong, the neighbour helps out by putting Mum's bins out and keeping an eye on curtains and lights, to be sure that Mum is getting up, going to bed and active, not sitting in the dark etc. BUT I can only tell her that Mum's behaviours is caused by the Alzheimer's.
I think Mum was brave to reach out for help. What I hadn't known until last night, was that the carer who walked off the job, during her notice period, on Wed, didn't go back at all. (New carer should now be in place). Mum made a serious accusation. The cause of resignation was, I can't say. I'm becoming scared to be 100% open with anyone, because in 'black and white' it wouldn't read well, to people who don't know Mum well. I think she has an undiagnosed personality disorder. Her words and actions frighten me but do not surprise or shock me, as they do others. (These behaviours don't happen often)
Anyway, the neighbour says, 'Well if her A is that bad, she should be in a home'.
Last week, the carer said that Mum should be urgently reassessed. Bro doesn't agree. He spent a few days with her in Aug. Since then, communication has been mainly be telephone. Emails tend to be ignored.
LPA on F is in progress. Bro being the donor.
During the call with bro, I mentioned attempting to get LPA on H&W signed on my next visit. I live 160 miles away. My bro thinks it is not needed yet. I said that I'd rather have it in place in readiness. However, I will be surprised myself if Mum even considers signing it. If you take a look at my post 'Christmas 2020 Guilt', it describes Mum in better detail.
SS are involved. They carried out a need's assessment earlier this year, alerted by neighbours and District Nurses. I have not seen a copy of their findings and I'm not sure if they are legally obliged to give me one. Now that Mum's husband has passed away (Jun), I am her NOK. Mum did not meet their basic needs criteria for support so bro decided to use SS Micro Care support staff. We only learned of Mum's dx late June. A lot had been hidden from us. July, bro flew over, I joined him, we did as much as we could in the time available including hiring a Micro carer to go in several days a week for between 10 - 15 hours total. Bear in mind, at this point, we are totally naïve to A. So carer comes in, carer resigns, .....now in this, the carer is communicating with SS, as are we, to find her replacement. Now, I don't know who decided that Mum need's 4 hours am & 2 hours pm, it wasn't bro or I but one of the 2 carers, put forward by SS, did not have those hours available, so stepped out of the equation. Leaving us/Mum with 'no choice'! So 6 hours a day at £15/hr = £630.00 a week plus expenses!!!! Mum is 'self funding', or should I say, bro is paying out of his own pocket until LPA F is registered. Do you see where I am coming from?
I do think the theory of a person staying at home for as long as it is safely possible is the right thing to do BUT where do you draw the line?
One of the things the neighbour said was 'Someone has to take control'. I've been researching many area's and sharing my finding with my bro inc agencies and CH's. In my mind, he ultimately has control because of LPA F but we have agreed to make decisions together. Bro thinks it is too soon for Mum to go in to a CH. I'm not sure. I'm on the fence and I am loathe to take action, in fact, I will not override his opinion and risk falling out with him.
So, my question is: At which point should a person go in to a CH? Would you lovely peopele mind listing the behaviours that would deem the action necessary please? I'm on the fence but I do need to appease my conscience and have a defence ready for the next time information/answers/actions are almost demanded of me. Grrrrr
Thanks in advance, all you lovely people x
Feel free to ask questions but please do read my other post first. You may find the answer there. I've not yet found the strength to deal with this, without becoming quickly exhausted. x
Yesterday, thanks to great support from many of you, my spirits were lifted....then I got a couple of calls about Mum's behaviour. Mum had made calls asking to be taken shopping. For different reasons, both had to say 'no'.
However, one caller, a neighbour, wanted to know the in's and out's of the family actions with respect to Mum's care...they were quite demanding and almost accusative.
So I emailed my bro, he called me back, (he lives in Oz), he messaged the neighbour. Hopefully they will be placated for quite sometime.
Don't get me wrong, the neighbour helps out by putting Mum's bins out and keeping an eye on curtains and lights, to be sure that Mum is getting up, going to bed and active, not sitting in the dark etc. BUT I can only tell her that Mum's behaviours is caused by the Alzheimer's.
I think Mum was brave to reach out for help. What I hadn't known until last night, was that the carer who walked off the job, during her notice period, on Wed, didn't go back at all. (New carer should now be in place). Mum made a serious accusation. The cause of resignation was, I can't say. I'm becoming scared to be 100% open with anyone, because in 'black and white' it wouldn't read well, to people who don't know Mum well. I think she has an undiagnosed personality disorder. Her words and actions frighten me but do not surprise or shock me, as they do others. (These behaviours don't happen often)
Anyway, the neighbour says, 'Well if her A is that bad, she should be in a home'.
Last week, the carer said that Mum should be urgently reassessed. Bro doesn't agree. He spent a few days with her in Aug. Since then, communication has been mainly be telephone. Emails tend to be ignored.
LPA on F is in progress. Bro being the donor.
During the call with bro, I mentioned attempting to get LPA on H&W signed on my next visit. I live 160 miles away. My bro thinks it is not needed yet. I said that I'd rather have it in place in readiness. However, I will be surprised myself if Mum even considers signing it. If you take a look at my post 'Christmas 2020 Guilt', it describes Mum in better detail.
SS are involved. They carried out a need's assessment earlier this year, alerted by neighbours and District Nurses. I have not seen a copy of their findings and I'm not sure if they are legally obliged to give me one. Now that Mum's husband has passed away (Jun), I am her NOK. Mum did not meet their basic needs criteria for support so bro decided to use SS Micro Care support staff. We only learned of Mum's dx late June. A lot had been hidden from us. July, bro flew over, I joined him, we did as much as we could in the time available including hiring a Micro carer to go in several days a week for between 10 - 15 hours total. Bear in mind, at this point, we are totally naïve to A. So carer comes in, carer resigns, .....now in this, the carer is communicating with SS, as are we, to find her replacement. Now, I don't know who decided that Mum need's 4 hours am & 2 hours pm, it wasn't bro or I but one of the 2 carers, put forward by SS, did not have those hours available, so stepped out of the equation. Leaving us/Mum with 'no choice'! So 6 hours a day at £15/hr = £630.00 a week plus expenses!!!! Mum is 'self funding', or should I say, bro is paying out of his own pocket until LPA F is registered. Do you see where I am coming from?
I do think the theory of a person staying at home for as long as it is safely possible is the right thing to do BUT where do you draw the line?
One of the things the neighbour said was 'Someone has to take control'. I've been researching many area's and sharing my finding with my bro inc agencies and CH's. In my mind, he ultimately has control because of LPA F but we have agreed to make decisions together. Bro thinks it is too soon for Mum to go in to a CH. I'm not sure. I'm on the fence and I am loathe to take action, in fact, I will not override his opinion and risk falling out with him.
So, my question is: At which point should a person go in to a CH? Would you lovely peopele mind listing the behaviours that would deem the action necessary please? I'm on the fence but I do need to appease my conscience and have a defence ready for the next time information/answers/actions are almost demanded of me. Grrrrr
Thanks in advance, all you lovely people x
Feel free to ask questions but please do read my other post first. You may find the answer there. I've not yet found the strength to deal with this, without becoming quickly exhausted. x
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