Just to say me too – only child, mixed up emotions, now torn between parents with AD who (partly) because of the illness don’t feature in each others’ lives any more. Dad was very controlling, very remote emotionally, never praised, nothing seemed good enough. Mum the opposite – I was (am) her world. Dad was cruel to us both – we took comfort in each other. Did he feel shut out? He must have. Was it Dad’s “fault” the way he was? He had a very difficult childhood, maybe he did his best. So why do I fall apart when I think of Dad now, the way he is? Why do I feel that if only I could do more for him I could make him feel better – or even make him better? Why is there an emotional surge when I sit with him and hold his hand which makes me more often than not break down (like I am now)? Because he is my Dad. And why now that he is so helpless do I feel so much for him than before when he was living at home and was just difficult and I resented him. And why does my Mum, who always did everything for me and still would, irritate me even though I KNOW what is wrong with her? There is no rationality to all this.