I shouldn't smile but .......
- Thread starter Emmcee
- Start date
After two weeks of silence in the house (which I didn’t exactly hate), I said to my husband this morning that this situation was getting rather ridiculous.
He promptly blamed me for saying that I was the one who said that I never wanted to talk to him again and of course not accepting any responsibility for his behaviour. Of course, he was so adamant that it was all my fault that I could see that we could have another huge argument so I let it go.
But I had a good laugh about it with my cleaning lady when she came. She has been coming here for seven years so knows and understands.
This made me smile as it brought back memories of how it was between my parents when I was growing up. They would stop speaking to each other sometimes for weeks, the longest being 3 months! Myself & sister were the go-betweens having to relay messages...tell your dad....tell your mother....
I remember one time I exploded in frustration at the pair of them & stormed out. They were speaking when I got back. It was like they didn't want to be the first to give in. Having said that it was usually all dad's fault anyway!
The effort it took not to speak must have been quite hard to do. I can't bottle things up & have to say my piece. Unfortunately my partner won't argue & walks off ?
thats makes it worse when they dont respond. before dementia, he used to just continue to read the paper which drove me up the wall. id rather clear the air and start again from there.
I think a few days of having to get himself off to the doctors or the dentist without really knowing what he was doing proved to be the tipping point. Now he thinks everything is back to normal and is assuming that everything will go back to the way it was. I am afraid he is going to get a bit of a shock as I think I will be just a wee bit uncooperative for a while. I must say that I enjoyed the days I had to myself, shopping, meeting a friend for lunch and not having to be somewhere for his schedule. So I am not giving up all my freedom just yet.
Maybe you can't win but it's so much better when you can see the humour in such situations
I've had two giggles today. It's now 4 weeks since I brought Mum up to the wee residential home close to where I live and 5 days since she asked to stay (that's a story for another time)...
When I arrived this morning she was at sixes & sevens and utterly convinced that she'd "been put here to get her out of the way". After explaining that she actually made the decision to stay she said "Oh, well that's alright then dear. It's so lovely here, everyone is so nice. As long as I decided that I wanted to stay..... I'll see you tomorrow".....
I arrived home to a message on our home phone
" What the hell are you playing at? I've just been told that I'm here permanently! You can't do that! I have a home! You think you've got what you wanted and put me away .... I'll never forgive you.... Damn you to hell!" (Phone was then slammed down)....
Two minutes later she phoned to tell me how wonderful the home was etc etc etc
Thanks. Despite the fact that her memory is atrocious, she actually hasn't been this "well" for a long time and it's nice to have glimpses of my Mum again.
So my husband has now done such a backflip that I sometimes wonder if I am living in another universe.
He persisted with maintaining his ’independence’ for a couple of weeks, taking himself off to the doctors, even managing some grocery shopping which he suddenly discovered was tiresome and boring and intruded on his bridge playing time.
Then he started throwing out some little signals that he really would prefer it if I took back my original duties and there was some implied understanding that he would be civil to me.
I wanted a little more than mere civility so I played hard ball and let him think that I hadn’t picked up on these funny little signals for a bit longer. It worked wonders.???
Now he’s back to telling me never ending stories about anything and everything? but he is trying to be helpful.
Then he lost any form of subtlety and started asking questions about things I was watching on shopping channels. So horror of horrors, he is planning on buying me a Christmas present, something we haven’t done for years. And he’s even roped my poor granddaughter into helping him. Gifts he has given me in the past have been a disaster so I have always done the sensible thing and bought my own present, something I liked and could spend whatever I wanted without worrying about the cost. Worked very well for me. This year I have a citrine ring on it’s way from UK so I told him not to bother. I told him that I was organised but he is determined to buy something.
I know that it is his way of apologising without actually having to saying the words and that is entertaining me immensely. I am not used to him being nice to me so I think I will string it out for as long as I can.
He persisted with maintaining his ’independence’ for a couple of weeks, taking himself off to the doctors, even managing some grocery shopping which he suddenly discovered was tiresome and boring and intruded on his bridge playing time.
Then he started throwing out some little signals that he really would prefer it if I took back my original duties and there was some implied understanding that he would be civil to me.
I wanted a little more than mere civility so I played hard ball and let him think that I hadn’t picked up on these funny little signals for a bit longer. It worked wonders.???
Now he’s back to telling me never ending stories about anything and everything? but he is trying to be helpful.
Then he lost any form of subtlety and started asking questions about things I was watching on shopping channels. So horror of horrors, he is planning on buying me a Christmas present, something we haven’t done for years. And he’s even roped my poor granddaughter into helping him. Gifts he has given me in the past have been a disaster so I have always done the sensible thing and bought my own present, something I liked and could spend whatever I wanted without worrying about the cost. Worked very well for me. This year I have a citrine ring on it’s way from UK so I told him not to bother. I told him that I was organised but he is determined to buy something.
I know that it is his way of apologising without actually having to saying the words and that is entertaining me immensely. I am not used to him being nice to me so I think I will string it out for as long as I can.
Why stop at two.? I think I might have to have a chat with my granddaughter before they set off on their shopping expedition and give her a few ideas and a big fat budget!
like your thinking. im at the "i like" stage and hes says get it and i will keep it back for christmas." i like" a lot of things
I have a few days to window shop on line so it’ll be nice to indulge a bit. (I am really good at that!)
But things are getting a bit bizarre, This morning, OH suggested that he could do some ironing for me. It’s a lot like living with Jekyll and Hyde.
If this wasn’t all so weird, it would be hilarious. There is no other way of describing it and I have no idea of what’s happening but I am making the most of it.
After all the awful weeks of where OH wouldn’t talk to me and did his best to make my life miserable, he has been all sweetness and light, the most like his old self that I have seen in years. Since I posted last on this thread, I was putting bins out the other night in the dark and stupidly tripped and though I didn’t do any real damage, I was a bit battered and bruised.
He has been bending over backwards to help me and has come to watch TV with me most evenings and it is all a little bit spooky. I wish I knew what brought about the Hallelujah! moment when everything changed because I would bottle it, sell it and make a fortune.
We have not bought each other Christmas or birthday presents in the usual sense for years but I always got him something because family sort of expect it and I ALWAYS got something nice for myself because I thought I deserved it.
So I had been doing a lot of Googling looking for something nice to buy and found a lovely ring, quite old I think but very nice and ordered it. So OH and my granddaughter went shopping for presents for me and I know from bank statements that he has bought some jewellery for me which is lovely.
Of course two days later, the ring arrived and it is beautiful, even better than I thought it would be but now I have a ring that I can’t produce as my gift and I have absolutely no desire to diminish this current phase of thoughtfulness on his behalf by wearing it.
The ring was an absolute steal, 14 K hall marked gold and very much a special occasion piece so quite noticeable if you know what I mean.
All I can say that this is a much nicer problem to have than what we were going through a few weeks ago.
After all the awful weeks of where OH wouldn’t talk to me and did his best to make my life miserable, he has been all sweetness and light, the most like his old self that I have seen in years. Since I posted last on this thread, I was putting bins out the other night in the dark and stupidly tripped and though I didn’t do any real damage, I was a bit battered and bruised.
He has been bending over backwards to help me and has come to watch TV with me most evenings and it is all a little bit spooky. I wish I knew what brought about the Hallelujah! moment when everything changed because I would bottle it, sell it and make a fortune.
We have not bought each other Christmas or birthday presents in the usual sense for years but I always got him something because family sort of expect it and I ALWAYS got something nice for myself because I thought I deserved it.
So I had been doing a lot of Googling looking for something nice to buy and found a lovely ring, quite old I think but very nice and ordered it. So OH and my granddaughter went shopping for presents for me and I know from bank statements that he has bought some jewellery for me which is lovely.
Of course two days later, the ring arrived and it is beautiful, even better than I thought it would be but now I have a ring that I can’t produce as my gift and I have absolutely no desire to diminish this current phase of thoughtfulness on his behalf by wearing it.
The ring was an absolute steal, 14 K hall marked gold and very much a special occasion piece so quite noticeable if you know what I mean.
All I can say that this is a much nicer problem to have than what we were going through a few weeks ago.
Attachments
looks very nice. milk the bruises and good he is being nice. my husband used to drop the receipts around so some surprises were lost.
OH said to the doctor at his last visit that he was trying to get me to go on an overseas holiday because he could look after himself and I deserve to have a break!! He even came out last night with a tentative itinerary, a very strange one and totally oblivious to countries going back into lockdown.
He had come up with a round the world fare but ignored the conditions that apply to these tickets. It is funny but it is really like a breath of fresh air just to have him being almost normal again.
Recent Threads
-
Care home threatening to kick mum out - help please
- Latest: Welshiecarer
-
-
-
-
-
What is happening in the vascular dementia brain?
- Latest: BuspassBill
-
-
Staff online
-
NewbyTAdministrator