Hi friends. I am writing in sadness as my mom slipped away a few days back at the end of this awful and cruel journey. In one way, it is a relief that she is suffering no more, but I miss her already and it feels like I will never recover. I am fortunate to have many good friends and family who have been wonderful, however, for the last few days, all I have wanted to do was write this post on here to people who I know understand every path this has taken me on. Will my pain ever ease?
I need TP more than ever now it is over for Mom
- Thread starter CAW
- Start date
I'm so sorry your Mum has passed away CAW.
I lost my Dad on October 25th so I know how you feel.
My dads dementia journey was a cruel one too,
so like you I am glad he is no longer suffering,
but I can't quite accept he is no longer here.
I have a smiling photograph of him on the dresser,
which at the moment makes me cry to look at,
but is a reminder that there were happier times,
and the pain I am experiencing is natural,
because I loved him so much, and I am sure that is the same for you.
I feel lucky to have known that.
I know one day, both of us will imagine our parents willing us to move on with our lives,
but it is too soon yet.
We'll get there though, eventually.
Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
Love Geum.xxxxx
I lost my Dad on October 25th so I know how you feel.
My dads dementia journey was a cruel one too,
so like you I am glad he is no longer suffering,
but I can't quite accept he is no longer here.
I have a smiling photograph of him on the dresser,
which at the moment makes me cry to look at,
but is a reminder that there were happier times,
and the pain I am experiencing is natural,
because I loved him so much, and I am sure that is the same for you.
I feel lucky to have known that.
I know one day, both of us will imagine our parents willing us to move on with our lives,
but it is too soon yet.
We'll get there though, eventually.
Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
Love Geum.xxxxx
Hi CAW,
so sorry to hear of your loss. please accept my condolences.
i lost my mum 8 years ago (not to AD) and there is not a day goes by that i do not think of her. they say time is a good healer may be right but time has allowed the pain to decrease but the loss never decreases.
please remember all the good times you had with mum clear in your mind and just remember she is in a better place no longer suffering this horrid illness, and now she is looking down on you with a brilliant smile on her face and feeling free.
please keep posting so that we can continue to offer you support through what is a tough time.
will keep you in my thoughts and send you a BIG hug.
jan1962
so sorry to hear of your loss. please accept my condolences.
i lost my mum 8 years ago (not to AD) and there is not a day goes by that i do not think of her. they say time is a good healer may be right but time has allowed the pain to decrease but the loss never decreases.
please remember all the good times you had with mum clear in your mind and just remember she is in a better place no longer suffering this horrid illness, and now she is looking down on you with a brilliant smile on her face and feeling free.
please keep posting so that we can continue to offer you support through what is a tough time.
will keep you in my thoughts and send you a BIG hug.
jan1962
Thank you for all your kind words. I think the hardest part of all this was that we could do no more. Mom stopped eating a while ago and then the liquids stopped. You feel so helpless! I was never sure if she just didn't want to consume, if she didn't know how to, or if the mechanism for swallowing had failed. I'd eat my meal at home and feel awful guilt that mom was not having her own. I just hoped she did not suffer in these last few weeks.
Dear CAW
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum
Please accept my condolences, I wish you strength for the following days and weeks
Its only natural to have such doubts, please be assured your mum did not suffer hunger or thirst
I found TP a great help when I lost my Mum and still do
I hope you do as well
Sending you my love
XXXXXX
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum
Please accept my condolences, I wish you strength for the following days and weeks
Its only natural to have such doubts, please be assured your mum did not suffer hunger or thirst
I found TP a great help when I lost my Mum and still do
I hope you do as well
Sending you my love
XXXXXX
I too lost my Mum in July of this year. I miss her a lot but I don't miss the
dementia, the worry, the stress, the sleepless and disturbed nights and the flippin; hard work of it all but I do miss her presence. I grieve in a different way to my siblings as I was lucky to share the few quality moments that happened when I was caring for her at home, the unexpected kiss on the head, I do love you Judith whilst they didn't have those because thery weren;t involoved in the day to day caring and only had a few hour visits once a week or so. I have no regrets and because of that I feel i am able to start living my own life. Not because i didn't love my Mum, because of the love I knew i had that would want me to move forward. Mum would approve.
it does leave a big hole in your life but it becomes filled with happier memories as time goes on, i promise.
Jude
dementia, the worry, the stress, the sleepless and disturbed nights and the flippin; hard work of it all but I do miss her presence. I grieve in a different way to my siblings as I was lucky to share the few quality moments that happened when I was caring for her at home, the unexpected kiss on the head, I do love you Judith whilst they didn't have those because thery weren;t involoved in the day to day caring and only had a few hour visits once a week or so. I have no regrets and because of that I feel i am able to start living my own life. Not because i didn't love my Mum, because of the love I knew i had that would want me to move forward. Mum would approve.
it does leave a big hole in your life but it becomes filled with happier memories as time goes on, i promise.
Jude
I lost my Dad in April this year, not to dementia, but in his last few weeks he was very confused and unhappy with everything, and had had enough. I miss his humour and the way he used to be, but not what he had become and the feelings of inadequacy and sadness that I used to have whenever I visited. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, it's very early days and the feelings are so intense and painful for you. Please be assured you will smile and laugh again, but it takes time and we are all different from day to day, some days up, others down. Come and chat whenever you want to, and take care of yourself. I'm glad to hear to have understanding people around you xxx
Hello CAW,
I'm sorry to read your sad news about your mum - I remember you posting about the problems you were experiencing a little while ago, and these weeks must have been dreadfully difficult for you, and heartbreaking.
As you say, no more suffering for your mum, she is at peace now.
Look after yourself - best wishes xxx
I'm sorry to read your sad news about your mum - I remember you posting about the problems you were experiencing a little while ago, and these weeks must have been dreadfully difficult for you, and heartbreaking.
As you say, no more suffering for your mum, she is at peace now.
Look after yourself - best wishes xxx
I'm very sorry for your loss. Having lost my father 11 years ago, I know how you feel. My pain was unbearable, I felt that there was a big hole in the universe, since he wasn't there anymore. The pain eased very slowly, but it did. Although I still feel the loss inside of me, I can still enjoy life, and it helps when I pray to him.
So sorry to hear of your sad loss -one quote comes to mind and I refer to it a lot lately ''Pain is a beast which must be ridden alone'' My heart and thoughts are with you at this sad time all hugs Lorraine xxx
Dear CAW,
Much sympathy. But what would love be if we were over them in days! This is part and parcel of being human.
I can see that your Mum's refusing food and drink is really worrying you. My Dad (who had been bed-ridden for a year following a severe stroke) did the same. He just had had enough. It was easier for us because Dad didn't have dementia, so we could be 'sure' of his conscious choice to stop eating. However, too often we fail to see that people with dementia are still acting in their own interests. I am constantly amazed at how Mum struggles to put one work behind another, yet she knows what she wants and what she doesn't and can enforce that with amazing vigor.
I am absolutely sure you are a loving, caring person, and at the time you did all you could, and you faced these tough final days being there for your Mum. What more could she want but to be loved and remembered? And what more could you have done? All of us want to be able to sweep away those ghastly claws of dementia, but we can't. So we do our best. That is all we can do.
Sending you good wishes, hugs and hoping you have a peaceful and gentle day, BE
Much sympathy. But what would love be if we were over them in days! This is part and parcel of being human.
I can see that your Mum's refusing food and drink is really worrying you. My Dad (who had been bed-ridden for a year following a severe stroke) did the same. He just had had enough. It was easier for us because Dad didn't have dementia, so we could be 'sure' of his conscious choice to stop eating. However, too often we fail to see that people with dementia are still acting in their own interests. I am constantly amazed at how Mum struggles to put one work behind another, yet she knows what she wants and what she doesn't and can enforce that with amazing vigor.
I am absolutely sure you are a loving, caring person, and at the time you did all you could, and you faced these tough final days being there for your Mum. What more could she want but to be loved and remembered? And what more could you have done? All of us want to be able to sweep away those ghastly claws of dementia, but we can't. So we do our best. That is all we can do.
Sending you good wishes, hugs and hoping you have a peaceful and gentle day, BE
So sad for you. The pain will ease and these fresh, raw memories of the dreadful days will eventually be paled and the happier memories of your Mum in all her glory will overshadow them. Your mind must be going over all the awful memories, I know that is what I have felt when I lost someone very, very dear to me but with time, a lot of time, the painful memories stepped into the background and the happier ones emerged. The pain remains but I have found a way to contain it. You will too. It does ease, happy memories do come back. Loving memories of your dear old Mum, best wishes to you in your sad time, Gwen X
Thank you all SO much. Reading these caring posts is a big big help. I decided a long time ago that I would continue to participate in TP after mom passed, because if I can be of help to even just one person going through this journey, it will be worth it. You are all amazing.
sorry to hear that your mum has died, CAW. It is early days and as others have said it does get easier as time goes on.
I lost my dad a few months ago (not dementia) and I find that most days I am ok but there is often a passing thought that makes me well up with tears. This can happen any time and is awkward when I'm on public transport! I've had a couple of counselling sessions with Cruse Bereavement Care which helped me a lot. People on TP have always helped, I hope you feel able to carry on posting too.
I lost my dad a few months ago (not dementia) and I find that most days I am ok but there is often a passing thought that makes me well up with tears. This can happen any time and is awkward when I'm on public transport! I've had a couple of counselling sessions with Cruse Bereavement Care which helped me a lot. People on TP have always helped, I hope you feel able to carry on posting too.
