i need to open up and thanks to grannie g i am a step closer

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
Hi bel
good for you Bel......for getting closer.
Always remember we're always here for you
Love xx
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Bel,

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

It IS very hard to open up, especially when you've always been a capable person. Just remember that opening up does not mean you are less capable - in fact it means you are MORE capable!! You can seek help when you need it - as well as coping with everything you already cope with each day.

We are here for you. Take care of yourself. Nell
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hello Bel

nice to hear from you.

As you can see there are many supportive people here who will be able to give a range of advice for any questions you may have. Posting on this public forum means that you will be able to weigh up which reply seems to be best for you at the time.

best wishes
Bruce
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Bel

You're doing so well, and I'm glad Sylvia has helped you so much. Now wouldn't it be a lovely surprise for her when she comes home to find you've had the courage to post again.

Give it a try, we'll all support you.

Just keep looking at Connie's hug. It always works for me.

Love,
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
A lovelly suprise for Sylvia

Thanks so much all
she has helped so much recently as you all do
here goes just a small post for now it is happening quite quick now for hubby he fell over saturday going to get his paper knuckles bleeding but he is laughing last week he trapped his finger in door i know what it is he can not concentrate on what he is doing at the time distractions --conversation is a Big problem with him love to all and thanks especially to sylvia cos bless her she must of asked you to keep a look out for me and i do appreciate it
love bel x
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Bel

WELL DONE

I'm sorry your hubby is falling and hurting himself. It must be hard for you to cope with. John also has problems with speech, he can't find the words he wants, and he doesn't understand much of what I say to him.

Sylvia is going to be so proud of you when she comes home. Perhaps you could post again tomorrow and let us know how you are,

Love,
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
bel, so good to hear from you.

I know whenever in the distant past I stopped posting, it seemed so hard to start again............well done you, you've done it. We are always here for you, love
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
opening up

Dear all
thanks a million like you say Connie so hard when you have not posted for a while Hazel your encoragment is helping
i have to phone our daughter tomorrow to see if i can go around to have a chat about huby
its so hard
but thanks all
love bel x
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear bel

You're doing so well. Ringing your daughter tomorrow will be a doddle now.

Are you going to ask her to give you more help? Make sure you tell her how hard you're finding things just now. I'm sure she'll support you if she knows how hard it is for you.

Good luck.

Love,
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
opening up

thanks all
went with hubby to have a talk to our daughter tonight
for support for me this has taken a few weeks to organise she is a very busy bussiness lady with a new partner --i knew it was putting her out but i need support so --i was dreading it as her partner does not like to be put out
i am so desperate for understanding and support
it was not quite as bad as i thought it would be my daughter had talked to her partner last night so after him being --him he went in lounge with hubby
How hard she knows some of the things about hubby its my fault i know i should of told my son and daughter more but reasons why --
bless her she thinks like most of the public her dad will live till at least 90 and its only a memory problem she knows i need help and she is comming mondays for an hour for support
thanks all love bel x
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Bel,
That is a good start - as your daughter spends more time with her dad she will be able to see what the problems are, and what you both need.
Take care.
Love Helen
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Well done bel on two counts -- managing to post, and managing to talk to your daughter. Isn't Sylvia going to be proud of you.

I'm glad your daughter is going to spend some regular time with hubby, as Helen says, it will at least let her see the problems, and perhaps she'll be able to give you more time in the future.

Make sure you go out when she comes, then hubby will get used to relying on someone else, and maybe agree to Crossroads later?

Good progress!

Love,
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
helen and skye

and every one else
Thanks A million
i knew i had to start opening up more and i have a bit i realise its the only way
but i am having to EXCEPT TOTALY Bob is not my hubby as such any more
But i still want him to feel like he is
how do you look after them as a child and still think they are your love
love bel x
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Bel, love, Bob is still your hubby.

OK, he doesn't behave like he used to, but that is not Bob, it's his illness.

I know it's hard, because we seem to be doing all the loving and caring and getting very little in return. But deep inside he still loves you. I'm sure like me with John, you get moments when the old Bob appears.

You have to concentrate on these moments and treasure them. Then when you have a bad day, remind yourself of that good moment. You've talked before about when you've been away together, or out for a meal, and it was like old times. Hang on to that.

Yes, at times he is like your child, and at those times you have to be both wife and mother to him. Just give him a cuddle, and enjoy being close.

It's hard, I know. I have the same sense of loss, and so do many others on TP. But we carry on, because whether he's our husband or our child today, we love him.


You're doing so wel, bel. You can do it, because we're all behind you.

Love and hugs,
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Hazel and Bel,
I know it's hard, because we seem to be doing all the loving and caring and getting very little in return. But deep inside he still loves you
It must be such a lonely journey for you, I wish that someone could take away your pain. Just wanted to send you both a hug - you are such special people.
((((HUG))))
Love Helen
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
I wish my mother had let me help more during my father's long illness, he didn't want others to know he was incontinent and of course that made things harder for her, (I don't think he had dementia but he was very toddler-ish in his last years). Even in hosp he didn't want to let nurses wash him, he said my wife will do it.

Lila
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
Hi Bel and Hazel
I can only imagine what it is like to care for a spouse.....it must be so heartbreaking and lonely for you.
But what wonderful people you are.....carrying on through all the heartache.
Just want to send you all my love and hugs to help you through
love Wendy xx