I need that virtual hug

[Loz18]

I've not been on here since Feb this year as been full on looking after both my parents..... Mum with diebetes and amputee and dad with alzeimers..
Mum passed away unexpectedly end of May which was a total shock for all and so I had to move in straight away to look after dad. He was completely shocked but also didn't know what was going on as he didn't get the chance to speak to mum before she went to hospital..... She was gone by the following morning.
Poor dad couldn't understand she had gone... We had to wait 7wks for the funeral which was so hard having to tell him everyday that she'd gone as he was asking for her. He couldn't go to her funeral as he was so weak and poorly so I stayed with him and we watched it on the TV..... Very weird.
It's 7 months since mum went.... And last week we lost dad. The latter stages of his alzeimers was so painful to watch and he was put on a driver which he kept going for 9 days without food or drink. The most horrific thing I have ever witnessed.... To watch your loved one that you've cared for for years just firstly dissappear through memory then to be put through torment after torment..... Then to see them so helpless... Completely out of it... No response. No nothing just a shell laying there. So so cruel that you wouldn't let an animal suffer like that. I witnessed an awful death and I hope to god that nobody else has to go through that.
They tell me that he could still hear me.... How do they know that!!! Which makes it even worse.... For me it was like him being buried alive and I could do absolutely NOTHING to help him. Awful just awful. To lose both parents in 7 months is just too much to bare.
Please tell me it gets easier because right now I'm just numb. ??????

 

[Jessbow]

It does get easier, but not yet.

((Hug)) Being christmas wont help either-

 

[Cat27]

You’re numb to protect yourself. You may not believe it but it will get easier. Gradually, happier memories will replace the traumatic ones.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry to read of your losses. I’d imagine that this time of year will make it all even more difficult.

As others have said it will get easier but it will take time. Please remember that you will get an amazing amount of support here. Keep posting and sharing your feelings - it will help to know that your are amongst those who understand.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry @Loz18 . To lose both parents so close together must be awful.
Im afraid that what you have described is how people pass away from dementia. This is what happened to my mum too. It is indeed harrowing, especially if you are not expecting it, but please be at peace - the syringe driver will have kept him pain-free and comfortable throughout.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Peace lily]

Sending you a big virtual hug @Loz18 . I can't imagine the pain that you are going through. Be kind and gentle with yourself x

 

[MaNaAk]

It will get easier believe me. Mum passed away in 2008 after three weeks in hospital with heart problems. I was living at home at that point and in 2016 dad who had diabetes was diagnosed with Alzheimers. I cared for him until he had to go into a home in 2018 in 2019 he had a massive stroke and passed away the next day. I always new his death would be sudden but it was still a massive shock. You have to tell yourself that you did all you could and that your parents are together again. They would have been very very proud of you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

MaNaAk

 

[Triffid]

Really big hug from me too. Remember there are people here who care about you, even strangers
You did all you could, your parents would be proud of you

 

[Loz18]

Thankyou so much everyone for your hugs and understanding. I feel the only people who understand are yourselves on here. I am so grateful that for that x

 

[Loz18]

Hello to everyone on here.
It's been a month since we lost dad. Losing both my parents within 7 months has been so traumatic but the worst is how dad's life ended. I just can't get the horrible way he died out of my head. Its in my thoughts all day everyday. It was frightening... It was so very heart breaking... So sad and absolutely nothing I could do other than be there. My work colleagues who have been very supportive obviously don't know what to say. Other than time is a healer..... But I don't know if anyone other than on here who have been through this. I try so hard to think of the happy times but all I can think of is dad being so drugged up that he just couldn't even respond. 9 days of hell watching him deteriorate in front of our eyes hour to hour day by day. This hurts so much I just don't know what to do to stop these horrible thoughts.
I have ploughed myself into work but when I'm at home I just sit and don't want to do anything. Also having to clear both my parents clothes etc..... The family home of 57 years. Heartbreaking.
Please someone tell me that it's going to get easier...... I have a MASSIVE void in my life. When I wasn't there I was on the phone every single day. My phone has never been so quiet. A very lonely place.... I feel myself wanting to speak to them to tell me what to do.
I guess this is normal?
Miss them both so much that it's hard to bare ?x

 

[canary]

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) @Loz18

A month is no time at all in the grieving process. You are still in the raw stage.
If you get home and dont want to do anything, that is fine. If you feel like talking to them, then do so. If you need to cry, then cry. If rage, then rage.
This is not something you "get over" in a few weeks. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Jale]

Sending those hugs

 

[Loz18]

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) @Loz18

A month is no time at all in the grieving process. You are still in the raw stage.
If you get home and dont want to do anything, that is fine. If you feel like talking to them, then do so. If you need to cry, then cry. If rage, then rage.
This is not something you "get over" in a few weeks. Be gentle with yourself.

Thankyou canary.
It's good to know that you're all out there and actually listen xx thank you x

 

[Loz18]

Sending those hugs

Thankyou jale xx

 

[Scarlet Lady]

You said it yourself @Loz18 ; you’ve lost two parents in seven months. Apart from the grief that comes with it, you’ve had a massive shock and that can manifest itself in very physical ways. Try to accept that this is normal and go along with everything as gently as you can. Don’t try to rationalise everything. You will find yourself thinking and doing things that seem rather silly. Accept it and forget about it. You have been under such pressure for so long. That can’t be shrugged off easily.
As an aside: I’m presently arranging my aunt’s funeral. We’re doing the order of service and think we need to include a hymn, religious reading or something like that. It needs to be a recording, because no one is allowed to sing in church at present. This morning, I was thinking of what would be suitable and thought, “I’ll ring Mam and ask her what she thinks.” This wasn’t unreasonable, my mum sang in choirs, was very musical and would have known exactly what to recommend. Except she’s been dead for 13 years. Yet the thought came unbidden, even after all this time, so it shows that you can still be caught unawares by the process of loss and grief.
Take care and be kind to yourself, @Loz18