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I need someone to talk to

Gillywilly

Registered User
Sep 21, 2018
21
Hi I understand what you are saying my mother wanted my father all the time and myself. It is very frustrating because you don’t know what they are saying to you and you are having to guess. It’s very difficult but if you are by yourself you desperately need a break we had carers and we still struggled with mum. If you can do it please take a break and don’t feel guilty.
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
167
My partner's just the same, sole destroying isn't it xxx
The mental health doctor tells me that sometimes people get quieter and more easy going as the disease develops. I’m holding on to that and waiting for the day!!! (She also added that it doesn’t happen to everyone!!)
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
167
Hi I understand what you are saying my mother wanted my father all the time and myself. It is very frustrating because you don’t know what they are saying to you and you are having to guess. It’s very difficult but if you are by yourself you desperately need a break we had carers and we still struggled with mum. If you can do it please take a break and don’t feel guilty.
This week, I have thought a lot about respite care, but can’t even get out to look at the care homes in the town. I can’t have him go without me knowing the place is good. Glad to say, today is good so far. He got up in a contented mood, and at 10am no problems yet. I’m counting my lucky stars! When days are like this, I can cope.
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
127
Soul destroying is definitely one word for it. Every day there are extreme lows, and if you’re lucky, a wee high.
Maybe @annielou we could get these halo’s made!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
707
Yorkshire
Soul destroying is definitely one word for it. Every day there are extreme lows, and if you’re lucky, a wee high.
Maybe @annielou we could get these halo’s made!
No halo as yet but I do have freshly cut and coloured hair and painted nails for the first time in ages as I managed 2 & 1/2 hours out on my own today while hubby stayed with mum.
I feel very lucky to have had some time out today, and very grateful to hubby for mum sitting, I'm not sure when I'll next get a break which takes the shine off a bit but at least I got one.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,204
cornwall
No halo as yet but I do have freshly cut and coloured hair and painted nails for the first time in ages as I managed 2 & 1/2 hours out on my own today while hubby stayed with mum.
I feel very lucky to have had some time out today, and very grateful to hubby for mum sitting, I'm not sure when I'll next get a break which takes the shine off a bit but at least I got one.
That’s nice. Bless your hubby. You got to feel “normal “ for a change
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
934
Bedford
No halo as yet but I do have freshly cut and coloured hair and painted nails for the first time in ages as I managed 2 & 1/2 hours out on my own today while hubby stayed with mum.
I feel very lucky to have had some time out today, and very grateful to hubby for mum sitting, I'm not sure when I'll next get a break which takes the shine off a bit but at least I got one.
So glad you got that break; I have been reading some of your posts and saw how worried you were about leaving your Mum with hubby. Glad it went well today.
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
167
No halo as yet but I do have freshly cut and coloured hair and painted nails for the first time in ages as I managed 2 & 1/2 hours out on my own today while hubby stayed with mum.
I feel very lucky to have had some time out today, and very grateful to hubby for mum sitting, I'm not sure when I'll next get a break which takes the shine off a bit but at least I got one.
So pleased to hear that you managed a break, and I bet the hair and nails look great. Recharge of batteries works wonders. Yesterday, I had one of my happiest days in a long time. My husband was contented all day, and in the morning we sat and reminisced about some of the places we had visited on holiday. We got the atlas out and looked at some of the places on the map, and he managed to contribute a bit which was the first time in ages. Then we went to a local memory cafe and had tea and cakes and a singalong. He couldn’t sing the words but tried to join in some of the actions and we had fun. Not even a change of mood when we came home, so I was on cloud 9!!! I don’t pin my hopes on another good day today, but it was lovely while it lasted.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
707
Yorkshire
That sounds lovely @Vitesse x
I'm glad you had a good day too x Shame they aren't the norm but we have to make most of them while we can.
This morning mum is full of confusion. Said she's feeling a bit sick and was worried because she thought she threw two of her tablets away yesterday, she didnt because I give her them and watch her take them, then she thought it was sunday with my sister when she threw them away but sister hasnt been for three weeks. She asked why she would think it and I said I think she had been dreaming and mixed it up with a real memory.
After five rounds of that we moved onto asking about a couple she's not been friends with for 29 year, she had mixed me and hubby up with them and thought that yesterday she had been with them rather than us. So we had half a dozen rounds of that interspersed with talking about if she had wrote her christmas cards because she thought the friend (aka me) had been writing them yesterday and she didn't know if had done her own.
Then she said oh I'm getting so confused, I'm getting worse aren't. I'd already told her a couple of times not to worry about it and things like it doesn't matter so that time I went for a laugh and said. 'It bi reight' which did make her laugh and we had a couple of minutes break from confusion but then she was talking about how I was lovely looking after her but I couldn't keep staying with her which then went back into a confusion conversation of who I was, was I married, who else did she have and if I went home who else would look after her.
Her poor brain must be shattered I know mine is. :(
She's just gone to get in shower but popped back in on way to ask about clothes to wear and if needs to wash her hair, which she always does, but this time she thought I was an old friend of hers from around 50 year ago who was the ex wife of my uncle. So when realised I wasnt, she wanted to know who I was and after I told her I'm her daughter Andrea she asked if she had another so I told her bout my sister and she said Am I older than you then? Yes cos you're my mum.
Now either I look 72, :eek: which is possible I feel 92 a lot of the time, or mum thought she was younger which as she was going back 30 and 50 years this morning I think she must have thought she was younger. And if I think about it she was going back to when those people were in their 30s and 20s so maybe my haircut has made me look younger lol. :p
I'm going to try keep that thought to keep me going as I fear today could be a very long day if we continue like this.
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
167
That sounds lovely @Vitesse x
I'm glad you had a good day too x Shame they aren't the norm but we have to make most of them while we can.
This morning mum is full of confusion. Said she's feeling a bit sick and was worried because she thought she threw two of her tablets away yesterday, she didnt because I give her them and watch her take them, then she thought it was sunday with my sister when she threw them away but sister hasnt been for three weeks. She asked why she would think it and I said I think she had been dreaming and mixed it up with a real memory.
After five rounds of that we moved onto asking about a couple she's not been friends with for 29 year, she had mixed me and hubby up with them and thought that yesterday she had been with them rather than us. So we had half a dozen rounds of that interspersed with talking about if she had wrote her christmas cards because she thought the friend (aka me) had been writing them yesterday and she didn't know if had done her own.
Then she said oh I'm getting so confused, I'm getting worse aren't. I'd already told her a couple of times not to worry about it and things like it doesn't matter so that time I went for a laugh and said. 'It bi reight' which did make her laugh and we had a couple of minutes break from confusion but then she was talking about how I was lovely looking after her but I couldn't keep staying with her which then went back into a confusion conversation of who I was, was I married, who else did she have and if I went home who else would look after her.
Her poor brain must be shattered I know mine is. :(
She's just gone to get in shower but popped back in on way to ask about clothes to wear and if needs to wash her hair, which she always does, but this time she thought I was an old friend of hers from around 50 year ago who was the ex wife of my uncle. So when realised I wasnt, she wanted to know who I was and after I told her I'm her daughter Andrea she asked if she had another so I told her bout my sister and she said Am I older than you then? Yes cos you're my mum.
Now either I look 72, :eek: which is possible I feel 92 a lot of the time, or mum thought she was younger which as she was going back 30 and 50 years this morning I think she must have thought she was younger. And if I think about it she was going back to when those people were in their 30s and 20s so maybe my haircut has made me look younger lol. :p
I'm going to try keep that thought to keep me going as I fear today could be a very long day if we continue like this.
Doesn’t you heart just sink when these sort of things come up? Here it’s a bit different in that my husband decides he wants to go to town to organise something, and if I resist (normally because what he is saying makes no sense at all) he gets annoyed and says he will go on his own on the bus. This morning it was to purchase new hearing aids. I tried to explain we’d already been to the hearing centre and what they had told us, and we would need an appointment, but he doesn’t listen or probably doesn’t understand, and insisted he would go in the bus. He would find his way there, but they wouldn’t understand a word he said, so there’s no way I could let him go, but find it difficult to stop him!! I then just lose it, I’m afraid. In the end he did calm down and I’ve made an appointment for next week, but who knows what will happen then. I know I should keep calm, but I find it so difficult. I didn’t think I’d be so awful at being a carer!
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
412
No halo as yet but I do have freshly cut and coloured hair and painted nails for the first time in ages as I managed 2 & 1/2 hours out on my own today while hubby stayed with mum.
I feel very lucky to have had some time out today, and very grateful to hubby for mum sitting, I'm not sure when I'll next get a break which takes the shine off a bit but at least I got one.
Glad to hear you got your hair done, makes you feel a bit more human doesn't it
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
412
Doesn’t you heart just sink when these sort of things come up? Here it’s a bit different in that my husband decides he wants to go to town to organise something, and if I resist (normally because what he is saying makes no sense at all) he gets annoyed and says he will go on his own on the bus. This morning it was to purchase new hearing aids. I tried to explain we’d already been to the hearing centre and what they had told us, and we would need an appointment, but he doesn’t listen or probably doesn’t understand, and insisted he would go in the bus. He would find his way there, but they wouldn’t understand a word he said, so there’s no way I could let him go, but find it difficult to stop him!! I then just lose it, I’m afraid. In the end he did calm down and I’ve made an appointment for next week, but who knows what will happen then. I know I should keep calm, but I find it so difficult. I didn’t think I’d be so awful at being a carer!
Vitesse you're really not alone there, I'm an absolutely rubbish carer. Lost my rag with him last night because he was awake at 4, tossing and turning, talking nonsense, scratching, checking his clothes were still beside the bed. I told him to either go to sleep or get up and go downstairs, he got angry, got out tried to put his clothes on, of course he can't do it so I had to get up and help him, take him downstairs, make his porridge, put the TV on, go back to bed. A short time later he's up the stairs again looking for me, so I go and see what he wants, he wants to come back to bed so goes to bed with clothes on because I'm too tired to get him to take them off!! I feel awful because he can't help the way he is and I just wish I could be more patient.
 

CardiffGirlInEssex

Registered User
Oct 6, 2018
152
That sounds lovely @Vitesse x
I'm glad you had a good day too x Shame they aren't the norm but we have to make most of them while we can.
This morning mum is full of confusion. Said she's feeling a bit sick and was worried because she thought she threw two of her tablets away yesterday, she didnt because I give her them and watch her take them, then she thought it was sunday with my sister when she threw them away but sister hasnt been for three weeks. She asked why she would think it and I said I think she had been dreaming and mixed it up with a real memory.
After five rounds of that we moved onto asking about a couple she's not been friends with for 29 year, she had mixed me and hubby up with them and thought that yesterday she had been with them rather than us. So we had half a dozen rounds of that interspersed with talking about if she had wrote her christmas cards because she thought the friend (aka me) had been writing them yesterday and she didn't know if had done her own.
Then she said oh I'm getting so confused, I'm getting worse aren't. I'd already told her a couple of times not to worry about it and things like it doesn't matter so that time I went for a laugh and said. 'It bi reight' which did make her laugh and we had a couple of minutes break from confusion but then she was talking about how I was lovely looking after her but I couldn't keep staying with her which then went back into a confusion conversation of who I was, was I married, who else did she have and if I went home who else would look after her.
Her poor brain must be shattered I know mine is. :(
She's just gone to get in shower but popped back in on way to ask about clothes to wear and if needs to wash her hair, which she always does, but this time she thought I was an old friend of hers from around 50 year ago who was the ex wife of my uncle. So when realised I wasnt, she wanted to know who I was and after I told her I'm her daughter Andrea she asked if she had another so I told her bout my sister and she said Am I older than you then? Yes cos you're my mum.
Now either I look 72, :eek: which is possible I feel 92 a lot of the time, or mum thought she was younger which as she was going back 30 and 50 years this morning I think she must have thought she was younger. And if I think about it she was going back to when those people were in their 30s and 20s so maybe my haircut has made me look younger lol. :p
I'm going to try keep that thought to keep me going as I fear today could be a very long day if we continue like this.
That sounds a lot like my mum at the moment! Mum is 85; her youngest sister (72) went to see her yesterday. Mum didn’t recognise my aunt, but luckily aunt had thought about that and had a photo with her of the two of them together when young (16 and 3 respectively) which mum did recognise. So mum then says to aunt, but you’re an old woman, how old are you now then? Aunt tells her, mum says, so how old am I? When told 85 she says no, that can’t be right, I’ll have to look in a mirror to check because I’m not that old, I know!! Her memory definitely seems mostly located in the time up to about the age of 35 or so at the moment.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
707
Yorkshire
@White Rose @Vitesse I say the same thing, I am surprised and dissapointed by how hard I find it to be calm and patient with mum.
Today being a prime example even after my little treat yesterday I have been so het up today. I know mum cant help it and doesnt choose to be like that, but my patience has been tried and failed quite a few times today due to mum constantly saying one thing then changing to opposite and constantly moaning and wanting to argue with me over anything and everything and blame it all on me then say sorry only to start again.
Seems like today has been the day for it.
@CardiffGirlInEssex very good idea of your aunt to take photo of them along. Bit of an awkward moment mum saying aunt is old woman tho, mum said something similar when we visited a care home a few weeks ago said they were all old and they were similar age to mum. Was your mum ok when she looked in mirror? Was she shovked by how looked or did it not really register?
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
934
Bedford
Can I join the ‘wish I could be more patient gang’ please. I totally feel for you all and you are all doing brilliantly so please don’t beat yourself up. We can only do our best and have a good bent on here so we know we are not alone.
 

ebas

Registered User
Aug 8, 2019
78
Can I join the ‘wish I could be more patient gang’ please. I totally feel for you all and you are all doing brilliantly so please don’t beat yourself up. We can only do our best and have a good bent on here so we know we are not alone.
I am lying in bed now alone in the bungalow OH went into hospital yesterday.He was up at 5am yesterday stark naked,bed wet yet again.Told him he couldn't go back to bed as I hadn't the energy to make it.It took me 15 minutes to get him dressed.He hit me,was in a terrible temper.Finally got him to the hospital at 12.30pm.Stayed with him till 7pm.He got nasty when I left.Went home had some soup,then a bath.I'm bed for 9pm.I now it sounds selfish but I'm not going to see him today.I'm going shopping,taking my time & switching the phone off
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
167
I am lying in bed now alone in the bungalow OH went into hospital yesterday.He was up at 5am yesterday stark naked,bed wet yet again.Told him he couldn't go back to bed as I hadn't the energy to make it.It took me 15 minutes to get him dressed.He hit me,was in a terrible temper.Finally got him to the hospital at 12.30pm.Stayed with him till 7pm.He got nasty when I left.Went home had some soup,then a bath.I'm bed for 9pm.I now it sounds selfish but I'm not going to see him today.I'm going shopping,taking my time & switching the phone off
Can I join the ‘wish I could be more patient gang’ please. I totally feel for you all and you are all doing brilliantly so please don’t beat yourself up. We can only do our best and have a good bent on here so we know we are not alone.
I thought I was the only one in this ‘gang’ and now I know it’s growing by the day and I feel a bit better!! Thank you all for making me feel a bit more reasonable!! TP is my lifeline at the moment.
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
167
I am lying in bed now alone in the bungalow OH went into hospital yesterday.He was up at 5am yesterday stark naked,bed wet yet again.Told him he couldn't go back to bed as I hadn't the energy to make it.It took me 15 minutes to get him dressed.He hit me,was in a terrible temper.Finally got him to the hospital at 12.30pm.Stayed with him till 7pm.He got nasty when I left.Went home had some soup,then a bath.I'm bed for 9pm.I now it sounds selfish but I'm not going to see him today.I'm going shopping,taking my time & switching the phone off
No one can blame you for being selfish for once! It sounds an awful ordeal, and it makes me realise how lucky I am that my husband is only verbally aggressive. Try to enjoy the day .