I need some help

mclaren

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
4
Edinburgh
Hi all

I need some help here, as i am starting to get a bit argh

My gran has alzheimers, and it has been getting progressivly bad the past few months.

She goes to a day centre once a week (eric liddel). She has nothing to do on monday, tuesday, thursday, friday, saturday or sunday.

The family do what we can, we do the max but it still is not enough.

What i want to know, is does anybody know any centres in or around Edinburgh, that would be of use to us?

One of the other problems we have, is the fact my gran has this guy coming up to "visit" her - but the family are 99% sure he is not visiting, but stealing from her. Every week, he comes up, changing his days all the time, but when he has left, so has something. One day it was her coat, the next was her bus pass, next was £30, and then her coat appeared again (i checked the entire house for the coat, and it was NOT int he house, and she hadnt been anywhere to leave it and find it again)

The £30 was on a table, put there by myself - and within 5 mins of her putting it in her purse (i saw her do it) - i went to the shops, came back and it was gone. purse was empty. He saw her put it in aswell, she left the room, it was gone.....

I dont know wha tot do about this.

When we have said that he is a bad guy and not to trust him, she says "oh leave him alone" and defends him. I think it is because she is scared to lose him as she is lonley.

WE wont put her in a home, as we think that it would make her feel worse, and possibly the end. So moving her out of the house is not really an option. She is still a very independant person.

The past few weeks though, every day, what day is it? what day is it? i have an appoint ment, when is it? what day is it? - we dont mind telling her, but its starting to stress everybody out.

I personally am already a carer for my mum - so having to do my gran at the same time, but the stress is getting so bad, that i have been very close to breakdowns - and im nearly 21! So far, since becoming a carer, my asthma has gotten alot worse, my stresslevels have went throught the roof, depression has kicked in big time, and i just sometimes just want to scream

If anybody could give me some advice, on what i can do to help my gran, would be great. She needs something to do every day so she is not bored, and i would prefer if she could have nothing more to do with this loser guy who we are 99.9% is stealing off her.

Oh yeh - and she has been talking about "a lodger" and we all think that he is possiblly going to be moving in which none of us want!
 
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BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Oh Gosh you have problems. The first thing that comes to mind is your Gran needs a trustworthy 'sitter' who can be there when 'big loser' arrives. Obviously you cannot be there all the time - try Social Services - maybe let your hair down with them too. Someone surely will be sympathetic to your problem (did you say you were caring for your Mum too).

The ideal thing would be for your Gran to be in a good NH - there she would have the company and support she needs and you would have less to worry about. I know this is not as easy to do as it sounds.

I hope you get more helpful advice. Best wishes Beckyjan
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Mclaren

Welcome to TP. I'm sure people will have some ideas to help you.

You really have got a lot on your plate, haven't you? Has your gran had an assessment from social services? I presume she has, as she goes to a day centre.

I think the first thing you need to do is get her reassessed, to see if she can have more days. You should also ask for a carer's assessment for yourself. You should certainly not be putting your own health at risk by caring for your mum and gran.

You should also tell them that you think your gran is vulnerable, and may be being abused.

As for her visitor, if your gran can go to a day centre for more days, that might solve that problem.

And for yourself, you need to see your GP and tell him exactly how you are feeling.
Tell him you are a carer, this will be put on your file, and you should get priority treatment.

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
An EPA won't stop someone from stealing, unless there's someone available to be with her 100% of the time. Being in a home doesn't prevent stealing either.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,119
Kent
Hi mclaren,

You are very young for so much responsibility.

I would take the advice that`s already been given, but to add weight to your request for more day care, I would let SS know of your suspicions re your gran`s `friend`, as she`s very vulnerable and probably needs some protection.

Good luck.
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Just that I was thinking alone the line , if someone in the family control what money was given to the Gran , this man won’t think his in for an easy ride
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
When we had EPA my mother could still write her own cheques (when she was in writing mood).

My brother gave her quite a lot of "pocket money" when she went into the respite home, she had no idea what she'd done with most of that, (given away or stolen).
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
WE won’t put her in a home, as we think that it would make her feel worse, and possibly the end. So moving her out of the house is not really an option. She is still a very independent person.
What happen when she won’t move like said above .

Do you have any other brother or sister , uncle or antie ?

lila said
When we had EPA my mother could still write her own cheques
could hide the chq book saying its lost , and have order another one .
 
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Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
could hide the chq book saying its lost , and have order another one

My mother would have gone berserk if her cheque book had disappeared from her handbag which she kept under her pillow! And of course carers etc. would be under suspicion.
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
You could also call the Elder Abuse Helpline (elderabuse.co.uk). They specialise in dealing with both physical and financial abuse.

I will say this though, it is impossible to be absolutely certain that your grandmother isn't hiding things: if you read the boards you will find hair-raising tales of disappearing and reappearing objects. Have a look at this thread for an recent example http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=6378 To be honest, why on earth would someone take her coat? The money, yes, but her coat? On the other hand, of course, a coat is fairly large, so more difficult to hide.

Apart from that do follow through on the advice you have already been given, and finally, welcome to TP!

Jennifer
 

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,854
52
Wigan, Lancs
Could you speak to this 'friend' of your gran's about the things going missing without going as far as accusing him? You might ask him if he's aware that things are disappearing and what does he think is happening?

You may be able to gauge by his reaction if he is responsible, and if he realises you are 'on to him' he may back off.

I would also mention your worries to SW, again without making any direct accusations, unless you are sure.

Could your gran be misplacing/hiding things?

Sue
 

Natashalou

Registered User
Mar 22, 2007
426
london
Yes

Margarita said:
I only give the office £20 for my mother in respite
my mother is in a permanent home and isnt allowed, understandably, to have any money in her room , and although she no longer understand the value of money, and would have nothing to spend it on, she moans endlessly about this although I have explained time and time again there is money kept in the office for her to have her hair done etc.
We have reached the stage where we are looking for toy or fake money and if she realises it isnt the same pretending the design of monet has changed!!
 

mclaren

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
4
Edinburgh
Margarita said:
What happen when she won’t move like said above .

Do you have any other brother or sister , uncle or antie ?
.
Th eonly people who look after my gran consintily are myself, mum and my auntie. Rest of the family dont bother much -
 

mclaren

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
4
Edinburgh
jenniferpa said:
You could also call the Elder Abuse Helpline (elderabuse.co.uk). They specialise in dealing with both physical and financial abuse.

I will say this though, it is impossible to be absolutely certain that your grandmother isn't hiding things: if you read the boards you will find hair-raising tales of disappearing and reappearing objects. Have a look at this thread for an recent example http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=6378 To be honest, why on earth would someone take her coat? The money, yes, but her coat? On the other hand, of course, a coat is fairly large, so more difficult to hide.

Apart from that do follow through on the advice you have already been given, and finally, welcome to TP!

Jennifer
Hiya - I did think on the logic of him taking her coat - but the more i thought about it, the more it made sence.

If she thinks, she is going more "balmy" than she is, then she might want extra "help" from him - meaning he can get his way in to her life, and possibily in to her bank book!

I know its a little far fetched, but it is logical.

I suppose she could be hiding things - as we already suspect she does this, but at the same time, the coat was no where to be seen, and because she lives in a flat, there is no garden to access. Also, because she has walking sticks, climbing is not an option either
 

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