I need help in dealing with my mother's behaviour

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by George1991, Aug 23, 2019.

  1. George1991

    George1991 New member

    Aug 23, 2019
    I need help in dealing with my mothers behaviour she is hitting & throwing items this has just started and we don't know why she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 2016 & was prescribed donepezil & mitazpine
    Before she sometimes did swear at us but we could reson with her but not now
  2. LindyD

    LindyD New member

    May 17, 2019
  3. George1991

    George1991 New member

    Aug 23, 2019
    Thank you new to this
  4. LindyD

    LindyD New member

    May 17, 2019
    My mother's behaviour has changed dramatically recently (she has vascular dementia) showing signs if paranoia and psychosis. She was shouting, using threatening behaviour, biting, all new to me. The mental health crisis team got involved and prescribed Rispiredone. The dose has been increased but it is proving to be a wonder drug! She is calm again, able to do her little jobs in the home and hold a conversation again without any negative behaviour. Amazing. Hail Rispiredone!
  5. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to DTP @George1991
    Have you had your Mum checked for a UTI? Infections can cause in a person with dementia.
  6. myss

    myss Registered User

    Jan 14, 2018
    Hi @George1991 Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're experiencing this behaviour - and agree with the suggestion of checking for UTIs. Aside from that, it may just be one of those less common behaviours of your mother's dementia that you may have to deal with it as so. Is your mum being violence towards you/others?

    Hi @Pat75 Welcome to the forum too! Your post touched a nerve with me as my dad started on Donepezil and was left on that years without any review until I pressed for one recently.

    At first, he was also calmer than usual but then had the same reaction to the idea of a bath. My days. He would swear blind that he would catch his death from the coldness of the water/house/air/etc. I can recall turning on the taps to show him the steam from the hot water and he still wasn't having it! I've learnt since then not to debate or over question most things a pwd doesn't want to do, and even now while he has now progressed to the latter stages, we tend now to use wipes or wash by portable basin.

    My dad has the behaviour of twisting/pulling/breaking household items and fittings - I don't know where he gets the strength from - and he doesn't have an UTI. He likes to do this with taps - and flooded his garage. You're the first person I've heard that their pwd does this too. I don't have a solution for this but we're fortunate to be able to keep an eye on him nearly 24hrs a day and have had to monitor him closely when he goes into the bathroom, kiitchen or garage. He also does with curtains in his bedroom and have had to replace it about three times.

    The walking out of their home is unfortunately a common trait with dementia. Do a search on here with related key words like 'wandering' and you'll see posts from others who have had the same experience. With my dad, he used to do this at night, sometimes not fully dressed either, and it was at this point my family thought he now needs more supervision by family members and external carers.
    My dad is self-funding so I can't tell you how to deal with the authorities in getting help, but wanted to express empathy so that you know you're not the only one facing such behaviours. Someone with more knowledge than me will advise you in regards to the authorities. All the best xx.
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    Hi @George1991 i totally empathise, having experienced this behaviour from Mum. Yet she did an amazing hostess mode when faced with any visitors she wanted- which wasn’t helpful.
    I’m afraid low grade urine infections do send anyone a bit” dolaly “ , I cant think of a better word for the behaviour so apologies.
    If like my mum she’s suffered with recurrent cystitis previously then she could be prone to repeat UTI. A prophylactic course of antibiotics over a six month period can give you a true reading of your PWD ; but I’ve yet to succeed in his request!!!!
    I do believe it’s the PWD frustration of losing control over what happens in life; but that doesn’t help when faced with this behaviour. It’s like having a geriatric toddler with a bank account!!!
    Also certain forms of dementia produce certain behaviours depending on how & where the brain is affected; more frustrating is when this behaviour fluctuates!!
    For years my mum has exhibited this behaviour, it’s been a long uphill struggle but I do find documenting behaviour & emailing my concerns to all concerned in Mums care GP, SW, carers etc to at least give me a paper trail of the issues.
    The incontinence is a major problem & the community nurse has now sorted out pads but that only happened after a hospital admission. Mum to has an aversion to bath/ showers & cares coming into her home!!! Vicious circle & unpleasant to be in the vicinity of, plus Mums negativity drives others away.
    I’m sorry you are going through this & I hope that you find answers on this forum. Trust me you are not alone & this forum really does help, not only with advice but as a place to vent.....
    keep posting
    Sending (((Hugs))) & support, you will eventually make progress it is slow & frustrating; best piece of advice I was given by many was to step back.
    At the time I couldn’t see how I could do that but once I did ( & it was hard to & it tore me in bits! & still does) slowly things are improving ; though at times it feel like it’s one step forward & two steps back.

    Ask Community nursing staff to get a urine sample - they will liaise with carers to achieve this if you say you can’t/ struggle to do this. Mum responds better to carers when I’m not there.... I seem to be a trigger point for her. By stepping back my mum is now more appreciative of what I am trying to do - in her more cognitive moments! But as the saying goes you are always the child in the relationship with a parent & my Mum was very resentful when I tried to sort things out to help her ; this still remains a delicate issue & my approach has changed. I didn’t think it would work & was frustrated by that advice.
    Don’t get me wrong I’m not in a “zen” place - the G& T consumption is high sometimes!!! But all in all looking back progress has been made, along with my ability not to feel so guilty/ consumed by trying to sort/ help out my Mum.
    It’s a difficult path through dementia but it’s not one you walk alone

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