Hi there,
I've never written on anything like this before but I am desperate for some advice. I'll try and be as brief as possible so here goes. My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about twenty years ago. My dad was her carer until he died four years ago and I called in after work every day to see them. My brother had always lived at home ( mum and dad relied on him a lot and I feel he never got the opportunity to live his own life). When dad died my brother immediately gave up work and is now her full time carer. I work but go straight down mums after work. On three evenings he goes out, so I'm there til about midnight and on the other evenings I go just to keep him company as he doesn't see another soul all day. My amazing husband is always with me if he's not at work. I have two other brothers who haven't sat a single evening with mum and refused to help even though I have literally begged them. I work four days and look after my beautiful grandchildren two days. I can't explain how hard I find the situation, I work 9 - 5 and get to mums for 5.30, getting back home just after midnight, then I'm up and back to work the next day. I know this situation is affecting my health but what can I do. Anyway, my big big worry is my brother. We used to put mum in for respite for a week about four times a year but she was always getting banned for her violence. The last time we put her in respite we feel her treatment was appalling. We had a phone call to say they had called an ambulance and the paramedics were unable to revive her. We rushed to the home expecting to find her dead but in fact it was that her blood sugar was so low she was almost in a diabetic coma. She was still in the clothes she was wearing the previous day and I don't think she had eaten or this wouldn't have happened. My brother was distraught on the way to the home and now refuses to put her in respite ever again. My mum is totally incontinent, doesn't speak, sits and bangs her head with her hand a lot of the time and other times just cries. It's beyond heartbreaking. She wanders round the house hitting things and most nights won't sleep. Sometimes my brother has to actually carry her upstairs to the bathroom and bed. I've told him if he doesn't look after himself he won't be able to look after her but I feel the situation is becoming desperate. Please please give me some advice.
Mary
I've never written on anything like this before but I am desperate for some advice. I'll try and be as brief as possible so here goes. My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about twenty years ago. My dad was her carer until he died four years ago and I called in after work every day to see them. My brother had always lived at home ( mum and dad relied on him a lot and I feel he never got the opportunity to live his own life). When dad died my brother immediately gave up work and is now her full time carer. I work but go straight down mums after work. On three evenings he goes out, so I'm there til about midnight and on the other evenings I go just to keep him company as he doesn't see another soul all day. My amazing husband is always with me if he's not at work. I have two other brothers who haven't sat a single evening with mum and refused to help even though I have literally begged them. I work four days and look after my beautiful grandchildren two days. I can't explain how hard I find the situation, I work 9 - 5 and get to mums for 5.30, getting back home just after midnight, then I'm up and back to work the next day. I know this situation is affecting my health but what can I do. Anyway, my big big worry is my brother. We used to put mum in for respite for a week about four times a year but she was always getting banned for her violence. The last time we put her in respite we feel her treatment was appalling. We had a phone call to say they had called an ambulance and the paramedics were unable to revive her. We rushed to the home expecting to find her dead but in fact it was that her blood sugar was so low she was almost in a diabetic coma. She was still in the clothes she was wearing the previous day and I don't think she had eaten or this wouldn't have happened. My brother was distraught on the way to the home and now refuses to put her in respite ever again. My mum is totally incontinent, doesn't speak, sits and bangs her head with her hand a lot of the time and other times just cries. It's beyond heartbreaking. She wanders round the house hitting things and most nights won't sleep. Sometimes my brother has to actually carry her upstairs to the bathroom and bed. I've told him if he doesn't look after himself he won't be able to look after her but I feel the situation is becoming desperate. Please please give me some advice.
Mary