1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. rp43

    rp43 Registered User

    Aug 4, 2015
    My 91 year old Aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimers last July. She lives alone in a relatively large, very poorly maintained house and has no children.

    My uncle (her brother) is 81 and together we have been appointed legal deputies and are doing our best to help maintain her in her own home. She currently has a carer for 1 hour a day at lunchtime. Her mobility is poor and her illness (compared to my own mother's below) is progressing quite rapidly.

    My own 89 year old mother (her sister) was diagnosed over 7 years ago with Alzheimers. My Brother and I, together with carers 3 x per day manage her care completely at home and she is my absolute priority, but it is challenging.

    I am doing what I can for my Aunt, including her weekly shop, liaising with social services, lifeline, carers etc. However, bearing in mind my own mother's situation, I do not want to take on more responsibility. My Uncle is certainly doing his fair share particularly on the maintenance of the house side and admin side. He is not in the best of health mobility wise and I am concerned this will ultimately have an adverse affect on his own well-being.

    I expressed this view to him and suggested that maybe we should consider finding a care home for my Aunt. She has savings and obviously her house to sell, so would be self funding. He agreed that taking all circumstances into consideration, it would be the logical step.

    My question is how best approach the placing my Aunt with rapidly increasing Alzheimers in to a care home? Although she is rapidly losing lucidity, she can still clearly express the fact that she does not want to leave her home even though nobody mentions it. Would it be a case of taking her screaming and kicking, which is something we don't wish to contemplate. What have been other people's/experience?

  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    She may have Alzheimers but if she still has the capacity to say that she doesn't want a care home placement then I think you would find that many places would be reluctant
    Have you thought of using her savings to have a live in carer? It isn't much more than a care home and obviously would only delay the situation but perhaps it is something worth looking at
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    Or suggest a week in respite to see if she would like being looked after and having company. You might be surprised at how well she would take to it.
  4. rp43

    rp43 Registered User

    Aug 4, 2015
    Thank you, that may be an option worth considering. In her current mental state it would be difficult to rationalise this with her. Possibly, though if we gave her a simple reason why she needed to vacate the property for a week it might work. If it did, I am sure we would quickly gauge if her quality of life would be improved.

    Personally, although I have heard so many negative things about care homes, I believe my Aunt, in her particular circumstances (including physically), would actually be more comfortable. She is certainly not in a "happy" place at the moment.
  5. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    There are a lot of good homes out there,both my parents have been well cared for.Convincing your aunt might be a problem though
  6. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    My mum used to say every day I'm not going into a home even if we didn't mention it I think this was just said parrot fashion not rational thought. Unfortunately or fortunately, she was sectioned and then went into a home she flourished.
    I don't know about other places but dementia respite in Shropshire is nigh impossible unless it is emergency via ss.

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