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I need advice

Livveywills

Registered User
Jul 11, 2015
57
really glad your GP stepped up and called the ambulance. Thoughts are with you right now. Please fight to get yourself s break from caring it sounds as though you really need your mum to have a break in hospital or a care home while you recover some
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,617
USA
TP is a safe place to come with whatever is in your head.

If you want to talk to someone, the Samaritans have a phone number they answer 24/7. I'm not good with UK phone numbers but think it is 116 123, free to call.

Please be kind to yourself and take the best care of yourself you can.

We are thinking of you.
 

lori107

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
45
I'm waiting for my GP to call, and even if he does, I'm calling 999. She's really bad. I cannot cope. I've rang the SS this morning and they did nothing.

She's in terrible pain, and after a while starts screaming at me.
Hi badgeman,

Just wondering how your mum is, did you get her into hospital? I do hope you're ok, we had the same problem with fil, you just have to be tough and bite the bullet. Keep us posted, take care

Lori
Xx
 

Badgeman

Registered User
Feb 22, 2014
97
Hi badgeman,

Just wondering how your mum is, did you get her into hospital? I do hope you're ok, we had the same problem with fil, you just have to be tough and bite the bullet. Keep us posted, take care

Lori
Xx
Can I sincerely thank everybody who has replied and taken notice of me on this forum. It's really helped when I was alone and had nobody else. I thank you all.

I sound terrible, and I sound selfish, but Mum is in hospital and I've refused to let her come home despite her not having a broken back (for example), as I need a break and I want her looked at properly. I want her x-rayed and I want her to be on antipsychotic drugs, or at least it all looked into properly.

I sound very selfish, and I feel guilty, but to be alone, and have my Siamese cat on my lap and listening to music etc is pure heaven. I fell asleep at 6pmish yesterday and woke up at 4am. I'm going to grab a few hours and wake up at 4pm. I'm still so tired.

I've just had a good talk to the mental health nurse and I think she is actually going to do something.

Thank you all, and forgive me for being lazy. I know it won't last but at least in can I will try to have break.

I thank you all for your support.
 

Badgeman

Registered User
Feb 22, 2014
97
TP is a safe place to come with whatever is in your head.

If you want to talk to someone, the Samaritans have a phone number they answer 24/7. I'm not good with UK phone numbers but think it is 116 123, free to call.

Please be kind to yourself and take the best care of yourself you can.

We are thinking of you.
Thank you, and I really appreciate your support. Thank you so much :) to take the time from the US is very, very kind.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,031
London
You sound neither terrible nor selfish! You did the right thing and hopefully they will check your mother over properly now. Stay strong.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,054
Bristol
I understand..

However, but I don't seem to be taken seriously. I had a paramedic out on Christmas Eve, and she hurt herself then, yet she is so paranoid about being 'put away', she will contradict me to any health worker she sees.

I just thought that I don't know if I should go through her mental health nurse, or through the district nurse. I need help for myself as I can't help her like I should and I feel guilty, but I don't get listened to since the debacle on Christmas Eve.

Sorry, I know I sound contradictory.
Can I also just suggest that you call an ambulance Badgeman, and indeed if you tell them this is your mum's second fall in less than two weeks they should take you seriously and should be trained in what to say to persuade her she needs to go into A&E just to get checked out. We had to get an ambulance out just to get OH back up after sliding out of bed and getting wedged between bed and cabinet, luckily only wounded pride. The efficiently carried out the usual routine checks and were very good humoured about the whole thing. I can't see why health professionals would be dismissive, particularly with your mum's condition.

Anyway, hope you get some proper support in trying circumstances.
 
Last edited:

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
The Sweet North
Badgeman, you are not being 'lazy' -- you are worn out. Rest, rest and more rest, then you will be more able to get your thoughts together and speak out for whatever help it is that you need, be it care in the home, or residential care in a suitable home for your Mum. If you feel the time has come for the latter, be very clear about this, and tell them exactly why.
Best wishes. xx
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,258
Yorkshire
Hi Badgeman
what a relief
I am so pleased for you that action was taken and you are being listened to now - tell all, warts and all - and stick to your guns - you deserve much more support and your mum needs it
you are the total opposite of selfish and lazy :) sleep and relax then sleep and relax - your Siamese must be purring for England to have you all to himself, sitting still; indulge him/her
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,847
69
Dundee
Not lazy at all. I'm so glad your mum is in hospital now. I do hope you can take some time to recuperate a bit.
 

Spiro

Registered User
Mar 11, 2012
520
Can I sincerely thank everybody who has replied and taken notice of me on this forum. It's really helped when I was alone and had nobody else. I thank you all.

I sound terrible, and I sound selfish, but Mum is in hospital and I've refused to let her come home despite her not having a broken back (for example), as I need a break and I want her looked at properly. I want her x-rayed and I want her to be on antipsychotic drugs, or at least it all looked into properly.

I sound very selfish, and I feel guilty, but to be alone, and have my Siamese cat on my lap and listening to music etc is pure heaven. I fell asleep at 6pmish yesterday and woke up at 4am. I'm going to grab a few hours and wake up at 4pm. I'm still so tired.

I've just had a good talk to the mental health nurse and I think she is actually going to do something.

Thank you all, and forgive me for being lazy. I know it won't last but at least in can I will try to have break.

I thank you all for your support.
I am so glad your Mum is now in hospital and that you are having some time to yourself.

It is really important to look after yourself.

Once you've had some sleep and something to eat, call the hospital.

It's vital to maintain contact with them, even if you don't want to visit just yet. The last thing you need is to have decisions being made without your knowledge.

I hope the mental health nurse is liaising with the medical team who are looking after your Mum.
 

DMac

Registered User
Jul 18, 2015
535
Surrey, UK
I am so glad your Mum is now in hospital and that you are having some time to yourself.

It is really important to look after yourself.

Once you've had some sleep and something to eat, call the hospital.

It's vital to maintain contact with them, even if you don't want to visit just yet. The last thing you need is to have decisions being made without your knowledge.

I hope the mental health nurse is liaising with the medical team who are looking after your Mum.
Gosh, yes, Spiro makes a very good point. It's really important to keep in touch with the hospital. But do take some time for yourself as well. Use this time to rest and recover - you will need to gather your strength for the days ahead. Take care.xx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,054
Bristol
I apologise for coming in late in the thread earlier with advice which did not take account of improvements to your situation I should have read. But, am glad your mum is being looked after in hospital Badgeman. Best wishes and sorry again.
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,162
Can I sincerely thank everybody who has replied and taken notice of me on this forum. It's really helped when I was alone and had nobody else. I thank you all.

I sound terrible, and I sound selfish, but Mum is in hospital and I've refused to let her come home despite her not having a broken back (for example), as I need a break and I want her looked at properly. I want her x-rayed and I want her to be on antipsychotic drugs, or at least it all looked into properly.

I sound very selfish, and I feel guilty, but to be alone, and have my Siamese cat on my lap and listening to music etc is pure heaven. I fell asleep at 6pmish yesterday and woke up at 4am. I'm going to grab a few hours and wake up at 4pm. I'm still so tired.

I've just had a good talk to the mental health nurse and I think she is actually going to do something.

Thank you all, and forgive me for being lazy. I know it won't last but at least in can I will try to have break.

I thank you all for your support.
You don't sound selfish. You sound exhausted and at the end of your tether. It's important you look after yourself and remember, you don't have to take this on if it's breaking you - you can step back. *hug*
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,617
USA
You sound neither lazy, nor selfish. You sound tired! You are clearly worn out, physically and emotionally, and no wonder.

Please get some rest, eat something, and try not to beat yourself up. When you get a chance and are so inclined, please let us know how you get on.
 

Boldredrosie

Registered User
Mar 13, 2012
244
Call the ambulance service

Like everybody has said, just call the ambulance. Tell them she's fallen and has dementia. They're used to this.
 

copsham

Registered User
Oct 11, 2012
586
Oxfordshire
Oh Badgeman,
I love the image of you sitting with your Siamese cat, listening to music (and maybe drink in hand!). The dementia road is a hard one, very hard and we all need to grab moments of peace when we can. Keep posting as I am sure there will be the inevitable dilemmas ahead. Look after yourself.

Karen
 

Caseys

Registered User
Dec 10, 2015
37
I've been posting for a while, and tbh mum had a fall on Christmas Eve. The ambulance came and checked her out, and she was okay except a a few bad bruises on top of her arthritis. I wasn't 100% happy, but I understood their position.

However, mum is extremely paranoid that I'm going to get her 'put away', permanently in a home. So, she had another fall 3 days ago, and I found her lying on the floor, and obviously picked her up etc. Nevertheless, she said she was okay, but today she has been screaming in pain if I helped her to the toilet etc, and she cannot stand up and she is in real pain. She won't exactly tell me where it hurts (she must have had a bad fall she's covered in bruises on her knees, chest and hips).

If I'm honest, I cannot call the GP as they are useless. I do not trust the SS as they are useless. I know I should contact an ambulance but I've promised her that I wouldn't until midday, just to keep her happy and placid.

I do not know who, or what to say. I'm not 100% sure what the problem is, but she is in agony when I lift her. Her hip is killing her, and I think she's cracked her ribs, and/or hurt her knees agin and her hip.

I know I sound stupid, but I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do. It's beyond me how to help her physically. I don't know who I should call.

Sorry to be stupid, and to moan so much.
I work for the ambulance service - you should always call them in such circumstances