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I need advice

Badgeman

Registered User
Feb 22, 2014
97
I've been posting for a while, and tbh mum had a fall on Christmas Eve. The ambulance came and checked her out, and she was okay except a a few bad bruises on top of her arthritis. I wasn't 100% happy, but I understood their position.

However, mum is extremely paranoid that I'm going to get her 'put away', permanently in a home. So, she had another fall 3 days ago, and I found her lying on the floor, and obviously picked her up etc. Nevertheless, she said she was okay, but today she has been screaming in pain if I helped her to the toilet etc, and she cannot stand up and she is in real pain. She won't exactly tell me where it hurts (she must have had a bad fall she's covered in bruises on her knees, chest and hips).

If I'm honest, I cannot call the GP as they are useless. I do not trust the SS as they are useless. I know I should contact an ambulance but I've promised her that I wouldn't until midday, just to keep her happy and placid.

I do not know who, or what to say. I'm not 100% sure what the problem is, but she is in agony when I lift her. Her hip is killing her, and I think she's cracked her ribs, and/or hurt her knees agin and her hip.

I know I sound stupid, but I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do. It's beyond me how to help her physically. I don't know who I should call.

Sorry to be stupid, and to moan so much.
 

lizzybean

Registered User
Feb 3, 2014
1,366
Lancashire
You are not being stupid or moaning. You are being a concerned daughter! You are also making promises you can't keep. You need to call an ambulance. I know it's hard but you just need to constantly reassure your Mum that you will go with her & stay with her whilst she is in A & E.
You are not medically trained (I presume) so you don't know what damage she may have done, she needs to be seen by the professionals as soon as you can get her there.

Good luck.
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
I agree with lizzybean completely. And there is something else you need to consider: without being alarmist if there is something seriously wrong and you don't call the ambulance I'm very much afraid it might leave you open to if not charges, significant unpleasantness. The truth is: your mother is in pain and needs to be checked and to do that you need to call an ambulance now to protect both her and you.
 

Badgeman

Registered User
Feb 22, 2014
97
I agree with lizzybean completely. And there is something else you need to consider: without being alarmist if there is something seriously wrong and you don't call the ambulance I'm very much afraid it might leave you open to if not charges, significant unpleasantness. The truth is: your mother is in pain and needs to be checked and to do that you need to call an ambulance now to protect both her and you.
I understand..

However, but I don't seem to be taken seriously. I had a paramedic out on Christmas Eve, and she hurt herself then, yet she is so paranoid about being 'put away', she will contradict me to any health worker she sees.

I just thought that I don't know if I should go through her mental health nurse, or through the district nurse. I need help for myself as I can't help her like I should and I feel guilty, but I don't get listened to since the debacle on Christmas Eve.

Sorry, I know I sound contradictory.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,591
Yorkshire
Just a thought. Have you any way of recording or preferably videoing her when she's kicking off? This might give you the evidence you need to convince the professionals.

If not, I'd be inclined to call the ambulance, let them in, say you cant cope any more and then leave the house. I doubt if they will simply abandon her. Keep a discreet watch from a distance so you can monitor the situation.
 
Last edited:

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,617
USA
please get an ambulance

Badgeman, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I've read some of your other posts and know things are very difficult.

I am sorry, but I must be quite blunt: I don't care what you promised to whom, please call an ambulance RIGHT NOW so your mum can get checked out. She could have internal bleeding or other internal injuries; she may have fractured something; she may have an infection; you can't diagnose her at home by yourself; just please get her to hospital and properly assessed.

You are not stupid. You are not moaning. You are very understandably at the end of your tether, and you need help.

Quietly explain to the paramedics, out of your mother's sight/hearing, that she has dementia, can't be trusted to accurately self-report, that she fell, is stating she is in pain, and that you want her taken to hospital to be assessed. Give them all the information you can about the falls. Then let them do their job.

I hear you that she is scared of leaving home and going to hospital or any other facility. All you can do is reassure her the best you can.

Please, I beg you, do not beat yourself up for not being able to physically help her right now. It is just the way it is. You did not do anything wrong. You did not ask for this. Accidents happen. You are not a bad person. You are not the enemy.
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,995
UK
Mum had three falls. The first two she was checked out etc. The third one was checked but almost dismissed and we discovered a few days later that she had a fracture.

Her complaining to you for calling the ambulance will be nothing to noise the guilt monster will make if you have missed something.

Make that call.
 

Badgeman

Registered User
Feb 22, 2014
97
Mum had three falls. The first two she was checked out etc. The third one was checked but almost dismissed and we discovered a few days later that she had a fracture.

Her complaining to you for calling the ambulance will be nothing to noise the guilt monster will make if you have missed something.

Make that call.
I thank everybody who replied.

She's kicking off again, and I don't know why?

I had emergent numbers from the hospital and her mental health nurse, but she's destroyed them.

It's hell.
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
The Sweet North
I hope you have already called an ambulance, badgeman.

Your mother could have internal injuries or fractures, and the longer you leave it the worse it could get.

You are the responsible adult, your mother the vulnerable adult.

Please take our advice, call an ambulance. She needs to be checked over.
 

min88cat

Registered User
Apr 6, 2010
581
I'm afraid you need to ignore the negativity and unpleasantness from your mum and call an ambulance as soon as possible. Paranoia is part of alz/dem. The paramedics are not there to judge, they are there to help. She needs to be checked over fully, as unfortunately someone with dementia cannot explain where the pain is coming from.

You could be doing more harm than good by not calling them.

Please come back and let us know how you get on.
 

mrsted

Registered User
Sep 18, 2012
39
leicestershire
please as others have said, call an ambulance for your mother and if necessary say that someone else has called them. It is too dangerous for your mothers health not to be checked over
Please let us know the outcome

K
xx
 

Hair Twiddler

Registered User
Aug 14, 2012
892
Middle England
Just a small thought to go along with the really good advice that others on TP have made.

When you are given an important phone number why not, instead of trying to hold onto the piece of paper, log onto TP and send yourself a Private Message including the number.

There will then be a permanent record of it which you can access and use, as and when you need to.

If you use email, you could also send your self a note with the number in it.

Do let us know how you day is going.
 

Badgeman

Registered User
Feb 22, 2014
97
please as others have said, call an ambulance for your mother and if necessary say that someone else has called them. It is too dangerous for your mothers health not to be checked over
Please let us know the outcome

K
xx
I'm waiting for my GP to call, and even if he does, I'm calling 999. She's really bad. I cannot cope. I've rang the SS this morning and they did nothing.

She's in terrible pain, and after a while starts screaming at me.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,259
Yorkshire
Hi Badgeman
I'm hoping that you haven't posted again because you called 999 and they are attending right now

I hope too you take every opportunity to insist that she goes to hospital - talk over her! you must make the situation clear - maybe show the paramedics your posts here and our responses

then make it clear that you are not in a fit state to have her home - that you are exhausted and very frightened that she is injured and you don't know how to help her

if necessary walk away - yes I know this is extreme - but you are being left to care for her and that is not good enough

if she has a stay in hospital she will not be discharged without a reablement package - which will be care visits at home OR a care home placement

this will give you the chance to say that you can't continue caring - and push for a care home - you can then tell your mum that the Consultant organised this, so she doesn't blame you

grab these chances

let us know how you are, when you can
 

Badgeman

Registered User
Feb 22, 2014
97
Hi Badgeman
I'm hoping that you haven't posted again because you called 999 and they are attending right now

I hope too you take every opportunity to insist that she goes to hospital - talk over her! you must make the situation clear - maybe show the paramedics your posts here and our responses

then make it clear that you are not in a fit state to have her home - that you are exhausted and very frightened that she is injured and you don't know how to help her

if necessary walk away - yes I know this is extreme - but you are being left to care for her and that is not good enough

if she has a stay in hospital she will not be discharged without a reablement package - which will be care visits at home OR a care home placement

this will give you the chance to say that you can't continue caring - and push for a care home - you can then tell your mum that the Consultant organised this, so she doesn't blame you

grab these chances

let us know how you are, when you can
I spoke to the GP at 1pm, and he said he was going to ring an ambulance for me. I think I'll be waiting a while, but it's good that somebody actually did something.

The past two weeks have been hell, and I need it to stop, at least for a while.

Thank you everybody, the forum is the only outlet I have about all of this.
 

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