Last month my mother announced that she was off to live in a city 21hours drive from Dad for 5 months. The reason she was going was because my brother, usually a stay at home Dad was off to work in England for 5 months so she was going to go help look after his kids while his pregnant wife continued to work. I don't know why Mum had to go, because they can afford day care and my brother's wife's Mum and family all live near them ....but anyway...(she announced this after she had just been away for 3 weeks on holiday all round the country). Dad was put in a home in April, because Mum couldn't care for him anymore it was too hard, which was fair enough, I was happy for him to go in as i was also concerned about her becoming slightly abusive towards him no doubt because of the stress and the fact that they had always had a fiery relationship with lots of fights anyway. I felt she resented him for his illness, but it is all very confusing because I know she loves him in her own (possibly not healthy way). And he loves her (also possibly not in a healthy way but from years of association and in recent times dependency). Anyway she tells me yesterday that as my brother's job fell through he is no longer going and so nor is she. She failed to tell me this news until yesterday despite knowing since last week some time because 'oh sorry I forgot'. Meanwhile I had been steeling myself for taking on the role of being the sole person responsible for Dad, aware that I might have to deal with his death or any illnesses etc as well as any day to day care issues... This made me so mad, I was quite upset by her leaving Dad, was trying so hard to understand because I would think that if it were my husband of 40 years and he was in Stage 7 of the disease I would want to be there, and afterall she professes to love him so much. I always feel so guilty for being angry with her for not caring for Dad as much as I would expect her to, knowing that it must be very very hard for her to deal with Dad's illness, but I can't help worrying about how Dad must feel to only see her once a week now if he's lucky and then as I said she was going to leave for 5 months as well.... And now she mentions in passing conversation that she isn't leaving afterall....? I'm down, I'm up, I don't know where I am?? Am I weird for feeling confused, angry, guilty, worried for Dad and god knows what else? Also yesterday when Mum visited Dad she got all teary (she told my partner last year when I was teary about Dad when I visited him at their home that I should get over it)...and that just makes me more confused because then i feel sorry for her, feel worse about my treacherous feelings, wonder if I'm the evil one for thinking that she doesn't care enough..what the hey does it all mean?? Any advice would be appreciated, can anyone explain to me why Mum behaves like this, is it me being a ....u-know what, am I completely an insensitive daughter, how can I be a better daughter?? If its not hard enough dealing with what is happening to Dad, I don't know how to take Mum's behaviour. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I'm in a bit of a state of confusion here so it all just came out without my usual panache/flair for words.