I need a little help this morning

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Grommit, Feb 2, 2007.

  1. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    I apolgise for having to admit this but I seemed to be standing at the edge of an abyss this morning, looking into a great big black hole of nothingness. Driving to work this morning, birds singing, sun shining and tears running down my face for no reason at all.

    Funny feeling in pit of stomach, driving on automatic pilot, unable to think properly and make decisions. Highly self critical to the point of obsession.

    No idea what has triggered this at all and do not really want to analyse it in case it won't go away.

    It's not sympathy that I need, I just need to know that this is bound to happen from time to time and that it has happened to other carers.
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Grommit

    yes, I'm afraid in my experience it happens all the time. It is the inexorable nature of the downward path of a loved one's dementia, and the futility of our being able to do anything about it.

    Hang on in there. It passes... until the next time. Like a sore throat with a cold, we need to recognise the symptoms, and understand that it will pass.

    Best wishes
     
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Grommit,
    Just start living one moment at a time - this will pass, you just have to work through it. You obviously needed to release the emotion, you will be OK.
    You know where we are.
    Love Helen
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,878
    Kent
    Hi Grommit, You and me both. Love Sylvia x
     
  5. SHANDY

    SHANDY Registered User

    Jan 24, 2007
    26
    hi grommit

    i seem to be doing this every couple of days, you are not alone.


    take care

    shandy
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Grommit

    No, you're not alone. I get days like that too, and they are becoming more and more frequent.

    Brusc is right, it's the sheer frustration of watching an inexorable decline, and not being able to do anything to halt, or even slow it.

    Those of us who are used to solving problems are up against the insoluble, and it hurts.

    Hang in there.

    Love
     
  7. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    542
    Hi Grommit

    You're not on your own. Think it's all part of this wretched illness and how it affects all of us. We're all here for you (and each other). Take care of yourself.
     
  8. suzi

    suzi Registered User

    Jan 15, 2007
    12
    Hampshire
    Hi Grommit,

    You are definately not alone, this dreadful illness makes us all seem helpless. Everyday I ask why? There is no rhyme nor reason, except we just take each day as it comes,
    Hope tomorrow is better, we are all here for you.

    suzi xx
     
  9. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello - me too!! I went to Alz Cafe with hubby this am - and as soon as anyone spoke to me I just wanted to cry!!!! (no reason, except perhaps I feel exhausted and just dont want any decisions, not even simple ones). Whilst it is all so horrible, it is comforting to know I am not alone with all this. Glad you posted, Grommit - you have made a good few of us feel 'normal'. Best wishes to all Jan
     
  10. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Grommit

    I know the feeling well, and I am not aware of any cure. As others have said, just hang on in here and with luck the feelings will pass.

    Dick
     
  11. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi Grommit, even though I so look forward as I set off to visit my Lionel, I can be driving along almost unable to see, such are the tears that fall. That awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, fighting with the happy anticipation of seeing him soon.

    No hope of this changing, so just try to get through. Sending love 'n hugs,
     
  12. EllieS

    EllieS Registered User

    Aug 23, 2005
    170
    SOMERSET
    It's kind of like grief isn't it?

    Dear Grommit

    Makes you feel so stupid doesn't it?

    I heard the Barefoot Doctor (on tv one morning a while ago) say that if you feel the need to cry, you should let it all out and not worry about it because it was really good for you.

    The only worrying thing is when we feel 'not on this planet' because our minds are so full of worries & concerns. It could be dangerous when driving but what can we do at these times - lock ourselves in a room. No, I don't think that's a good idea.

    So I guess just hang on in there and take it as it comes - most times I do try to value those trees, sunshine, birds though to make some kind of sense out of it.

    Doesn't always work though does it.

    Hope you've had a better day today - it's not all bad - really!

    Best wishes

    Eleanor
     
  13. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Thank you all for your help and support. The weekend has been traumatic, feeling down but needing to hide it from my wife who has the disease.

    I'm still trying to pull round a bit and it seems to be working but it is a long way up.

    I have found solace in the fact that I am not alone and the burden of climbing back up is made easier with support.

    Again thank you all.
     
  14. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    Hi Grommit,

    I'm sorry about your traumatic weekend. Those black holes I know so well, once you've resigned yourself to being sucked into them, then you can start finding the resources to pull yourself out again. Hope you have a better day soon.

    love from Hazel.
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I get like that also, I do bottle all those tears up as I got fed up of crying just out of the blue , when I feel it coming and no I should not , I drink a glass of wine, but I ended up getting a pain in my eyes nose during the day . I think its from holding it all in , but when I do let those tears flow in privet and that what I find hard getting privacy its feels like a realise of tension and I do feel so much better after a cry, Mind you I never use to think of crying being good for you in the past, but I do now. So I now flow with them any given moment , because I know those moment Passes even if it take a week or so
     
  16. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,878
    Kent
    Hi Margarita, It`s lovely to see your name again. You`ve been missed. I hope everything went well and you are happy in your new home.
    I also hope you don`t get too many of those sad moments. Love Sylvia x
     
  17. clymout

    clymout Registered User

    Jan 10, 2007
    23
    Devon
    And I thought it was just me!

    Try a candle lit bath, a glass of wine and the door firmly closed so no one else can hear you have a good bawl. When I found out mum and her neighbours had had a near escape from a gas explosion when she'd left it on all night, I did all of the above and would thoroughly recommend it. ;)

    Jo
     
  18. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Those feelings of helplessness sometimes come witha clear reason. And sometimes they don't. One day last week when I had fed my mum her lunch at the nursing home, and taken her out of the dining room to get her upstairs for her afternoon nap, the blimmin' lift wasn't working. ( There are two lifts but my mum's chair only fits into one of them: the one which had broken). A nurse saw me taking my mum away from the lift and when I explained why, she laughed. I suddenly felt really angry and snapped at her that it wasn't funny, it was pretty bad service. She was immediately contrite and apologised saying that she hadn't meant to laugh. I sat with my mum for about another 45 minutes and then the lift began to work again. Took her upstairs and let them get on with hoisting and caring for her. I went and sat on the top of the stairs whilst they did this and just burst into tears. A mixture of relief and frustration and desperation.

    For the last two days my mum has been pretty good: eating well and yesterday in particular, chatting very much like a former self. Tonight she was deeply asleep when I visited. She was comfortable and warm and had at least drunk reasonably during the day. I didn't rouse her, but left after an hour of watchfulness. I had no reason really to be upset but as I was shopping on the way home, I suddenly felt really tired and miserable. Wanted to stand in the Co-op aisle and cry.
    I don't know if I am doing the right thing, but I just try to pre-occupy myself so that I don't get too overwhelmed, and I am also asking for help from a local counselling service.
    It seems completely natural to want to cry and to mourn the constant bereavement that takes place during the course of this disease. It may have been worse today because my mum had sort of picked up a bit and then gone back into that really sleepy state and I never quite know what state she will be in next. It is rarely anything very positive.

    On a final note, one of the things she said two days ago when we were having a nice chat was that there was always something nice to look at outside in the garden: the trees or the sky or the leaves. Remarkable that this echoes almost exactly what Eleanor said earlier "So I guess just hang on in there and take it as it comes - most times I do try to value those trees, sunshine, birds though to make some kind of sense out of it."

    Thank you for starting this thread Grommit.
    We are all sharing a very similar sorrow and the existence of TP is invaluable for helping us to share our sadnesses together with sympathy and understanding, but you have laid bare ( for me) a particularly poignant aspect of AD.
     
  19. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Hi Grommit

    You're certainly not alone....... I want to 'let go' and bawl like a baby at the most unexpected times.......I think sometimes the fact that we CAN enjoy the birds , sunshine, all the little things in life, has a profound effect on us, the realisation that maybe our loved ones have lost that capacity (and the awful thought that we don't know if they have or haven't, oh the damnable nature of this disease.....).
    Thank you for being brave enough (which I'm not very often:( )to post your feelings, it's much appreciated.. hoping you have a peaceful week after your traumatic weekend.
    Take care
     
  20. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Many many thanks

    After nearly two weeks of the most dreadful down feeling, I can now say that I am back to my usual self.

    I do not think that I could have done it without the help and support of the TP members. The relief knowing that it was not just me was quite palpable.

    I might also add that I have recovered without the aid of of certain mood enhancing substances which I was offered whilst down but did not take and also managed to avoid consulting the medics or counsellors.

    Perhaps counselling may have helped but, probably because I am male, I did not want to travel down that particular route.

    Again, many many thanks to all for your support over these last days.
     

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