I miss normal conversation

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by jojop, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hi Lilac Blossom,
    Sorry to hear about your OH.
    When mum is on a loop and my sister also constantly repeats things I end the day wondering if I am losing the plot too. Just to be able to refer to the weather (hurricane Abigail), the news - the terrible things happened in Paris. They are normal things that everyone outside this bubble we are all in talk about. It is already making a difference to my day just being able to do this.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    I think this is really brilliant - the best of online friendships. love to you all xx
     
  3. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    530
    Scotland
    I also think this is brilliant - thanks xx

    News reports from Paris on tv justnow - even a day later the horror is as great, if not greater, than when the news broke last night.

    Abigail seems to be moving away gradually - wind not so strong now but far north Scotland is pretty cold and will stay that way for a good while. Roll on spring!

    Well I'm just about to enjoy some escapism as Strictly is about to start. I'll have the pause button at the ready in case hubby needs "help". (He is sitting having chocolate but that doesn't last long.

    Lilac :)
     
  4. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    I was known as a talker.... Now I only talk through typing..... And to people I meet through TP at meet ups, any other time, I'm as quiet as a mouse..... I only make scratching noises because I have forgotten how to "small talk" in company

    Small talk, I had to learn due to OH's job and the corporate entertainment that went with it. I can't think fast enough to keep up with conversations anymore because my world has become so narrow.

    I know I'm an intelligent person, with so much knowledge on most subjects, I "win" most telly competitions, including university challenge, But not out loud in social situations.....


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Hi all It's so nice to have a proper chat. My Dad is on loops too. Today he caught me out and said - you are just saying yes aren't you and I said.....yes! Luckily, he was able to laugh. My knitting is saving me. Have made a mega stripey jumper and am now doing a scarf for my nephew.

    You are all right that today has a deep shadow cast over it due to the horrific events in Paris. Beyond comprehension. I have kept my Dad off the news today as he was getting distressed this morning and couldn't understand it. And so say all of us.

    Xx
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,708
    Female
    Dundee
    2Jays - quiet as a mouse? ;)

    I too find it hard not being able to have conversations with Bill any more. Our weekends are really devoid of chat -except for me blethering on to him. I'm lucky that Bill smiles and nods even though he can't join in. When he does speak it's mostly gobbledygook. I normal reply by saying 'really?' and 'is that OK' or 'is that good then?' He'll normally say 'yes' and all is well. I'm lucky that our carers provide another adult voice in the house during the week and that I get on so well with them.
     
  7. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Hi jojo

    Hope you have lasted out ok. I'm shattered,as usual.

    Thanks for your kind words about my kicks up the bum that I have given myself! Had a lot of support from my sil on the diet and for the smoking I did Stoptober, which gave me a lot of incentives. Not out of the woods yet, but......a bit closer.

    I had exactly the same thing as you with work. The day that they announced restructure, my Dad had a stroke, so I asked for voluntary redundancy and got it. It got me through the 6 months before the AA kicked in.

    I agree that it was a hard transition to make. I had nightmares for the first few months. Seems both a long and incredibly short time ago. Don't the weeks go by quickly?!!

    As the others say, making small talk is easily lost when you are out of the loop. I had a breakdown in 2007 after losing my Mum suddenly. I almost lost the ability to communicate completely. The first couple of years of caring for Dad were isolating and I did struggle, but since I have had more levels of support and got more confident in my role and in the village, things have improved.

    I hope you have a less disrupted sleep tonight and that your mum gets some good quality sleep. My dad usually calls for me around this time, so I am listening out.

    Thanks to all you others for posting too. It feels as if lots of us isolated people are in the same boat. Thanks so much for starting this thread jojo. Xx
     
  8. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    It is difficult talking to people sometimes, even small talk conversation just seems to dry up.
    And laughing, though I can still have little laughs with mum and my sister, who has such a dry sense of humour it's when I see something on tv, or read something in the paper that makes me want to laugh out loud, but I rarely do coz having to try and explain what was funny......the moment has gone.

    Love a bit of Strictly too, was good tonight hope Jamelia goes tomorrow. Used to watch Dr Who but David Tennant was my fave, he's my guilty pleasure. Got loads of his episodes on record so can always drool again!

    I switched news off today and tried to hide papers from mum too upsetting seeing headlines. I can remember earlier this year when a reporter stupidly announced the Queen had died, mum saw that and for the whole night walked in and out of bedrooms with paper in her hand getting really upset and saying "our queen is dead" even repeatedly showing and reading to her it was a mistake could not calm her. Fortunately 24 hours later she had forgotten (plus I managed to remove said newspaper report).

    I'm a Celeb back tomorrow night, will give that a watch too
     
  9. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    we are going to be watching i'm a celeb too!!! although i don't think there are many celebs on it lol - mostly wannabees!! But it is definitely good for a chuckle about human nature - rather like the Apprentice too!!
     
  10. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hi,

    I lasted, no experimenting with food today but I did manage to stock up on all mum's day to day food, including sweet potatoes done properly, I have enough of everything for her to last for over a week so hopefully can practise in next few days.

    Think I need to give self few kicks up bum too!

    Mum is asleep, so hopefully that a good sign and she stays in her own bed all night, I'm going to take opportunity to have early night too.
    One of budgies is getting annoyed, she won't sleep until I turn tv and light off, sometimes if she doesn't want to sleep- and continually annoys other budgie I play her a song on loop (another looping thing in my week) I have even been heard singing (?!) along.How mad is that playing music like a lullaby to a bloomin' bird
    Hope you have a good night and dad does too, xxx

    Hope all of us and our loved ones have a peaceful night, xxx
     
  11. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hello Heidi,

    2 more sleeps!

    Hope you and dad are okay and had a good night.

    Mum was up a couple of times in night but didn't come into my room so managed to get a bit more sleep myself.

    Sure you must be busy getting everything sorted don't overdo it
    Xx
     
  12. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    839
    Fife Scotland
    Yes and then everyone looks at you and wonders what is wrong with you.
     
  13. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    839
    Fife Scotland
    aww 2jays, yes sometimes I feel I will need to learn to talk again......
     
  14. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    530
    Scotland
    I find small talk very difficult nowadays, as has already been said .....

    "Yes and then everyone looks at you and wonders what is wrong with you. "


    Another thing I really miss is having a laugh - you cannot really enjoy a good laugh on your own. Hubby doesn't "get" even a simple joke and after explaining it several times I don't think it is funny either.

    ..... and that's why it is so good to have this thread :D
     
  15. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    839
    Fife Scotland
    we are talking missing normal conversation, but I am also missing normal food, I could kill for a pork chop or chicken kiev, but because it would mean making too different meals and therefore eating at different times, I am now just eating semi soft foods, shreaded stew, mince that sort of thing.............
     
  16. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,981
    Suffolk
    Lilac, I felt just as you do.
    Making up for it now!!!
     
  17. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hi,
    My mum is on pureed food, I used to buy ready made puree meals from WiltFF and also another company. More often than not she would not eat them. They were ok at but probably not enough flavour. I was worried about her not eating and losing weight so I sent off for a selection of food molds. They were expensive but the cost of those and weekly buying ready made has balanced out. Mum now has a meal that looks like mine and sisters and tastes as good, she clears her plate every day. Not having roasts spuds and Yorkshire used to bother her but not anymore. I make batches of her food, puree put in moulds, freeze, remove from moulds and wrap leaving in freezer for when I need, then microwave.
    There is no way my sis would eat softer meals, I wouldn't have been able to deal with her tantrums either!
     
  18. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hi Spamar, that is good to hear
     
  19. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,981
    Suffolk
    #59 Spamar, Nov 15, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2015
    The other thing is, you suddenly have freedom to do what you want, instead of OH coming first all the time, of necessity of course. He was only in care 3 months, 5 weeks of it respite. The rest of his time in care, he deteriorated very quickly and I found that the most difficult thing to deal with over the 10 years he was ill.
    Now, however, my numerous, very good friends have rallied around and now, apart from the odd blip, I am very well. I've been to concerts, had my hair cut, held a party, and have made enquiries about a voluntary job, amongst other things.

    Never forget, there is life after caring, and it is what you make it!
     
  20. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Hi jojo

    Have just got 5 minutes to myself after another busy day cooking, washing ,ironing, stripping wallpaper and spending time with Dad, oh yes and packing!! All ready. He hasn't called for me in the night 3 in a row now.
    Getting that extra time really makes a difference doesn't it! Glad to hear that you have recovered a bit too.

    Have packed and labelled Dad's things too. My brother is taking him ( we will all go) tomorrow evening.

    The Church have been loaning us a wheelchair and got a call today to say that they had been given a better one and would we like to upgrade?! Nice touch I thought.

    Have got a mega big suitcase and am starting to take things a bit at a time, with April in mind, so that I don't have a panic in the end.

    Hope you have had a good day. Any chance for experiments yet?
    I got a blender recently and am planning to try out some different soups when I am up with OH. Broccoli and stilton and spicy parsnip are the main ones I fancy. And I am going to make my own caramelized onion hummus.

    Will shed the extra half stone when I get back, so that I can enjoy Christmas!

    Xx
     

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