I miss normal conversation

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by jojop, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    The fall took it out of Dad today and he spent the whole day asleep. I tried all sorts to wake him up, but...no joy. I even played the recorder and got him to sing - he is musical - but he could not stay awake. He is now tucked up in bed listening to classical music on the radio. I have taken the inflatable pressure relieving mattress off his bed, as I think that is why he slipped. The bottom mattress serves the same purpose anyway. Sorry to hear your Mum was so shaken up when she fell.It's such a heart stopping moment. Dad is very matter of fact about it and usually says - what a ridiculous thing to do!

    I'm glad to hear that you watch Emmerdale too. I'm a bit behind as I tape it and watch when I can.

    Re the Christmas puds - brandy or maybe Baileys with milk or cream ? I reckon it will be lovely whichever you choose and will make Christmas really festive for your Mum. If a little bit of alcohol is ok, then how about a drop of mulled wine or cider for the mincemeat? Or even alcohol free wine, mulled. Practice sounds like fun!

    I have got the steamer boxed up down here and am planning to give it to my OH for his birthday in April. It corresponds with the plan that I have in place with the family to hand over the caring role to my brother ( in April). I'll have been here for 4 years, living away from OH while brother works, so even though it is going to be so hard to leave Dad.......I feel I need to get back to work while the moment is still right. I'll be coming back once a month for my brother's respite. I'm excited, but dreading it at the same time.

    Xx
     
  2. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    563
    Hi jojop, I have a steamer but mine only has one tier - I obviously need to get another level so that I can do meat in it at the same time as veggies as that sounds really good.

    Re an alternative to potatoes have you tried sweet potatoes? I can't eat ordinary potatoes so I use sweet potatoes a lot. The flesh is bright orange so they are very good for you and you can cook them just like ordinary potatoes, boil, roast, jacket or steam!

    Also butternut squash/pumpkin - lovely roasted.

    I agree with the others who have said do try and get your sister back into her group, for her sake as much as yours, we all need the stimulation of interaction. You do have to shout to be heard sometimes when it comes to getting help but as you have a little bit of care in place do ask what else is available - my motto is say Yes to everything that is offered, you can always cancel if you find it doesn't suit you - I always think it is easier to be inside rather than outside 'the system' and saying yes to one thing might open up other possibilities too.

    Wishing you good luck.
     
  3. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hi Essie, thank you.
    I tried sweet potatoes once before but must have done something wrong, I found they were all stringy??
    My sis had a social worker years ago but even if they found her something else getting her to go is the biggest hurdle. But it might be worth getting a social worker round for a chat with her but of officialdom might prompt her in right direction.
     
  4. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    I won't mention anything up to date about Emmerdale!

    Bailey's or mulled wine sounds excellent, brilliant idea thank you. The pastry on reflection might not work will lose something being pureed think. But I could do sponge and if soaked in Bailey's will make it moist and easy to swallow. I can then shape it add mincemeat and top with star shape sponge, woohoo have to get practising! Thank you.

    After 4 years you deserve 'your time', you and other half and it will be difficult I'm sure but you will still be around, not leaving dad with strangers and I bet the all the care, organisation, plan, safe loving home you have made in last 4 years mean your brother can continue as well as you. Can your brother cook?
    Exciting time ahead. Xx
     
  5. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    He has said that if he has written instructions, he will cook, so it will be a learning process for him. TBH, I was really out of practice cooking when I came, so it has been great to gain confidence and new recipes. I know what you mean about watching the millionaire's shortbread though. I have recently given up smoking, so am probably substituting quite a lot. Not sure whether to do it before or after Christmas, but I need to cut back and fit in a bit more exercise to get back to my ideal weight and be ready for April. Like you say, exciting times but hard too.

    Your sponge and mincemeat sounds delicious What a lovely way for your Mum to enjoy some Christmas treats! I think it will be me and Dad on Christmas day, as my brother and SIL go to her Mum's. My weekend with OH will fall the one before the 25th, so I will hope to persuade him that we should open our presents early! Knowing him, he will say we have to wait till after Christmas though. Which will mean end of January.

    Actually, I'm getting geared up for Tuesday, as I have the whole week off! Dad is going to respite in a nursing home, which is not a bad thing as he has an ulcer on his ankle which will benefit from daily attention. At the moment, the nurses come 3 times a week and I change the dressing on the other days. Dad will enjoy it as he likes meeting new people to chat to. I get a week every 3 months, so....it will give me the chance to recharge my batteries and see our cats ( and OH of course!)

    I hope you and your Mum and Sister have had a good day As usual at this time I am tucked up in bed and having a chill down before xx
     
  6. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    I need to give up smoking, several failed attempts in last few months more willpower and less stress required.
    Open 1 present early and then another in January, an extended Christmas.
    5 more sleeps to week off, hope you have a good break and quality time with cats, not forgetting OH!
    Mum is now in bed, not sleep yet so I just chilling with cuppa waiting for her to nod off. Not been a bad day today, no disasters or blips thankfully. Sis has put her England flags up in her bedroom ready for watching football tomorrow eve, my fault she so into it, but that's another story.
    Hope you have a peaceful nights sleep, xx
     
  7. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Morning jojo

    Had a lovely sleep thanks. Dad slept all night, tomy surprise! Woke up to torrents of rain and hail ☔.

    Re giving up smoking, I have replaced the habit with vaping and...I love it! Am on high nicotine liquid, but it honestly hasn't been too bad. A bit stress headachey for a couple of days, but with the e-Cigarette, I didn't crave one bit and I was a heavy roll up smoker from young. It's fun finding the right flavour liquid too. In the beginning I only had tobacco flavour, but once I got away from actual smoking, I went for anything fruit flavoured and it's lovely plus I can still have a coffee and a 'smoke' in stressful times. I would highly recommend giving it a go when you feel ready.

    Good idea about the extended presents. Most of all I
     
  8. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    (double oops) want him to open his as I have got him some cool trainers and a really good cooking pot. Can't wait to see his face! 4 more sleeps now!! Then a long journey...up at the crack of dawn to get the early bus.

    Your sister must be getting excited about the football tonight by now. Dad enjoys it too, so I will tape it for him to watch tomorrow.He always equates football with the weekend anyway.xx
     
  9. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hi Heidi,
    That'll be hurricane Abigal causing the wind and rain, just had a big downpour here.

    Glad you had a peaceful night, mum was in and out of my bed 3 times between 4-5am, she slept for an hour on last visit. Then I got up with her, morning bit stressful but that might be because I tired.
    Now in hairdressers having my hair done - grey roots need covering up so a bit of relax time for me.

    I tried e-cigs but not the vape ones, might give them a go.

    Yep my sis will change into her England top and cardi, put on England socks, hat, scarf and wave her flag. Depending on how mum is we usually have a takeaway pizza and glass wine too.
    4 more sleeps the up early and long journey be worth it.

    Hope you having a good day, xx
     
  10. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Hi jojo

    You must be absolutely shattered. I hope you are ok. It's good that you had a chance to get your hair done and have a little bit of down time. Mine needs a trim when I get back from my week in town. I have been growing it and it's
    what you might call 'big' hair!

    I didn't see the football, so don't know if your sister is or . It sounds as if she is a proper fan! I know they take it seriously....Did you have pizza and wine in the end? Sounds great! On Monday evening, the plan is that we are going to drop Dad off at respite, settle him in and get a takeaway on the way home. If all goes well, it should mark the beginning of my festivities!

    My bro and his oh were out tonight and Dad was ready for his bed early as usual, so I have been having a nice chill. Knitting, vaping and back to back Emmerdale. I have caught up Am intrigued to know what is going on with Chas!

    I just went down to see Dad and the poor chap is having an awful time with his ulcerated ankle. I do so feel for him. He is on water tablets as the retention is building up in his feet and lower legs, then seeping out of the wound and causing further problems. If he gets distressed in the night, I'll give him more paracetamol, but he can't have them till later. At least next week he will have nurses on site, so should benefit from that.

    I hope you and your Mum have a better night tonight. Xx
     
  11. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hi Heidi,

    Your poor dad, hope he okay ulcers are not nice and can be painful hope he has a good night.
    Mum fell asleep 8ish, woke her and helped her to bed at 10 she wee bit drowsy, thought great early night for me she will sleep........nooooo, she sitting up in bed having cup tea and dunking biscuits with tv on!!!
    Sis supports England didn't have pizza tonight, rubbish game but they playing another friendly on Tuesday so may try for takeaway then, saves cooking!

    I had long hair 'til couple weeks ago, way past my shoulders, went into my hairdresser and said chop it off! Took about 5 inches off, just neck length now, always had short hair when was working only let it go when started caring role. Definitely prefer it shorter, makes me look younger!
    Mum may sleep bit tomorrow, give me a chance to practise as bought some supplies today. Got Bailey's, mincemeat and also got some ready made pastry tarts, and some trifle sponges will test out results on them first. Also bought couple cans of fruit will use some of juice on trial run. Couldn't get Mulled wine (just as well might have drunk it) lol will get that in Marks next week. Looking forward to making something special
    Been watching news, Paris terrible
    Hope you have a good night's sleep and dad okay, xx
     
  12. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Morning jojo

    I didn't catch the news last night. Will watch it with Dad this morning. He likes to have on the BBC news channel.

    Had a sound sleep,Dad didn't call me, so am feeling good, but as you say, worried about his ankle.

    He doesn't complain much and I give him a regular dose of paracetamol. Do feel for him.

    Sorry to hear that England were not on form. If they are playing again on Tuesday I know what I will be watching with oh! Will be taking my knitting, so it's not too much of a problem. He enjoys his football ⚽ The only sports I voluntarily watch is tennis. Takeaway on Tuesday...fingers crossed it comes off! I'm lucky, as we have a fish and chip van comes to the village once a week, so that gives me a night off too!

    On me, I prefer long hair. When it was short and I went up to 15 1/2 stone...I kinda lost a lot of confidence. Feel much better now.
    Your neck length hair sounds like a good compromise, but if you prefer it short, you could go for it in the new year and start 2016 feeling like a new, yet familiar you. Do you miss work? I was about ready to get away from mine. I was a literary tutor for a homeless housing association in London. Rewarding, but high stress. When I go back, my idea is to try for Health care assistant in a hospital, or care assistant. I'd like to build on what I have learned with Dad. Am quite excited about it!

    I hope you get the chance to practice a bit today. The juice from tinned fruit is a great idea. If you can't get ready made mulled wine, you could possibly find the spices and do it yourself. Or find a recipe online. It's sugar, spices and orange peel I think.

    Time to get Dad up now that I have had my early morning cuppa tea Abigail is still blustering outside.

    Have a great day xx
     
  13. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Just seen the news. It's beyond belief. What a horrific situation.
     
  14. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Morning Heidi,

    It's a bit windy and raining here today.

    Hope your dad is ok, glad he had a good night.

    The news in Paris is sad, what a terrible world we live in.

    I love tennis, Sunday lunch has been known to burn when Wimbledon final on!
    Am in awe of you, your diet, giving up smoking so impressed. Wish I had that willpower.

    I miss work mainly for daily interaction with others, was a Cus Svc Manager, 10 hour days lots of stress. New regime pushed out managers, I next in line so jumped before pushed. Did get redundancy so was lucky but it saved them from a possible tribunal. Was due to work month notice but mum was taken into hospital so didn't. Sometimes believe things happen for a reason, my losing job and mum ill at same time.
    I do miss my flat though, had to sell had been there about 12 years that was upsetting, still have a lot of belongings in storage.

    Your job sounds like it was stressful but as you said very rewarding. I too thought about a care assistant job, if I get back to working would have to be part time though, couldn't l leave sis longer she would burn the place down! You go for it, there are not enough carers with hands on experience and knowledge of dementia.

    Not sure will get much practise today, sooooo tired. Mum in my bed at 3am fortunately she fell sleeping me 'til 5 then up to take hear to toilet and back with me sleeping 7am. This is a new thing she has been doing recently, not sure why she doesn't seem distressed or over anxious.
    Maybe if I liven up a bit later will try some cooking,.might be a welcome distraction.

    Hope you have a good day, xx
     
  15. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    839
    Fife Scotland
    hello, yes normal conversation. Was saying to my sister I have forgotten how to chat to talk.........I am ok at typing tho'
     
  16. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Hiya. Yes, It's certainly feeing good to have a normal chat. Just having a quick coffee after lunch, before I go and help strip the bathroom ready to be redecorated while me and Dad are away for respite.

    I had a good night, but feel tired too. 6 hours is just not enough for me I guess. Can't imagine how you must be feeling jojo. I do hope you can catch up a bit tonight.

    Dad is wide awake and quite chatty today. Not in too much distress from his ankle.

    I have just been ' summoned to go and help in the bathroom and Dad is insisting on my full attention, so I will have to continue later. X
     
  17. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    Hi,
    Ditto, I go to a pilates class once a week and even though there are only 2 or 3 of us there I struggle to join in the conversation. Only the instructor knows of my caring role. I've been going a couple of months and am getting a little better at small talk.
    Like you typing is ok, I could type for England and chat
     
  18. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    839
    Fife Scotland
    I find I can't find the words, or the voice and I have begun to stutter.
     
  19. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    530
    Scotland
    Hello folks, can I join the "I miss normal conversation" club?

    I know what you mean about forgetting how to chat - dementia steals first place and robs us of the opportunity to have a wee blether. I went to the hairdresser on Tuesday and thought oh good there will be lots of chatter, none of it relating to dementia. Ach I was disappointed, the hairdresser was not in a chatty mood, didn't respond to anything I said other than oh! really! or fancy that! but no more. I felt a bit cheated as normally hairdressers have a fund of not-very-important topics of conversation.

    OH has vascular dementia so no proper conversation at home.
     
  20. jojop

    jojop Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    66
    SE London
    It's like a nervous sort of thing, lack of confidence wondering if what you are going to say will come out right.
     

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