I miss my nan

Slanni2010

Registered User
May 21, 2017
2
0
My nan has Alzheimer's, she was diagnosed about 4 years ago now. She is in a care home & has been for nearly 2 years. She has her up & down days & I visit her as often as I can.
I feel so sad as although she is still going I sooooo miss the old her.
We have always been so close & ive spent a lot of time with my nan & I have to try hard not to sit and think about just how hard it is to have lost part of her already as I just sit and cry. But I miss the old days so much I'm crying while typing this.
I know that if she keeps going that she's just going to get worse & worse & it breaks my heart.
My nan is still able to walk, although sometimes she is too weak and need the wheelchair. She is so thin as she struggles to swallow food and drink & needs lots of encouragement. She tends to hold it in her mouth, some days are worse then others. She does manage icecream quite well.
Some days I go & see her & she will just stare through me. Other days she's quite chatty but confused & will ask how her mum is who is deceased.
Thankfully she still recognises me. Only once did she not know who I was, which broke my heart but I tried to put it down to the fact that she had been on an outing with the care home.
Although she knows who I am she struggles to label what family member I am. She will say neice or cousin etc.
I love my nan more than words & worry about the impact of what's to come. I know I've lost part of her already but to lose her completely will totally destroy me & I really don't know how it's going to affect me
 

DollyBird16

Registered User
Sep 5, 2017
1,185
0
Greater London
Bless you Slanni.
Your Nan has a real treasure in you and I'm sure she so gets warmth and comfort from the love you extend along with the hugs I'm sure she gets.
I find it's always good to have a cry, cos you do feel like your heart is being crushed and broken into pieces. My precious Mum is being tortured by this evil disease and I cannot fix it.
Carmar has definitely pointed you to the right place, have a read.
Big hugs
Anytime you want a hug or someone to chat to, there are so many gracious welcoming people here.I'm normally around early morning and end of the day. XXX
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hello Slanni2010
a warm welcome to TP
there's often a truly lovely bond between grandmother and grandchild, and that's clearly the case with you and your nan
when I visit my dad, I always call out to him 'hello dad. it's .....' before he sees me, so that he can hear my voice and orientate himself to who I am and what our relationship is (or maybe pretend he knows, but that's fine too)
I think we all go through moments of grieving what our loved ones were and that we miss them - I tend to be very much in the present with dad, just visit and accept whatever is going on with him at that moment, so we just get on
when I get those teary times, I actually make myself remember a happy moment from any point in my life, and put myself in that moment, so I smile and enjoy dad again - it feels, then, more as though I am celebrating his life and our relationship, and leaves me feeling positive
maybe this is just suppressing the grief; makes me feel good, and doesn't use up so many tissues
here's the link already mentioned
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?85774-Anticipatory-Grief
best wishes
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hello DollyBird16
and welcome too
good to read that you find TP welcoming
it matters so much that there are other folk to share experiences with - takes away some of the isolation and worry
keep posting
best wishes
 

Slanni2010

Registered User
May 21, 2017
2
0
Thank you

Wow, I've just got home from work to read all your messages. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It's so lovely to know that others understand.
Thanks for the link I will have a browse now.
Sending love to all of you. It's so lovely that we all have each other xxx
 

DollyBird16

Registered User
Sep 5, 2017
1,185
0
Greater London
I agree Slanni
I feel I can share here and others have got my back, no judgement - I don't personally know them but it's just a silent given.
Hats off to everyone for being the kindest caring people for those that suffer.
This is the toughest job I've ever had.
I'm learning loads and gathering so much strength from everyone.
And sometimes this evil devil disease and its situations it can bring make me laugh out loud and I feel that's ok.
Hope today brings a smile in some way to all. X