I miss my mum

[Celtic_Ghirl]

I also miss my Mum. My daughter got engaged on 1st January (the first of her grandchildren to get engaged) and I know just how pleased and excited she would have been about it, now she doesn't even know she has grandchildren. Its heartbreaking.
I hate the fact that I can no longer ask my mum for advice, go shopping with her or just natter to her on the phone about nothing in particular,
To answer how do you cope with missing somebody who is still there, I mourn the mum I have lost but hug the Mum I still have and tell her I love her, knowing that one day soon (mum in carehome with last stage of vascular dementia) that I will also lose this.

That's it, it's that chatting on the phone about anything and everything I miss. Yesterday however I thought I would try and tell her something and I told her about a date is been on that I didn't enjoy. I just told her in simple sentences and she kind if understood and said "oh no I don't like the sound of him" it was funny because the lady sitting next to her is 103 years old. She's fab and she wanted all the details. I loved talking to them about it. I think they enjoyed a girly chat too. My mum can sometimes follow a story but sometimes she can't remember how it started. I say "oh it doesn't matter" she always says "please tell me again" if she just looks vacant I just leave it. It was great hugging her yesterday. I needed it.

 

[Celtic_Ghirl]

Hello CG, I know exactly what you mean. It is so heartwrenching not having her there for you. I really miss my mom because she doesn't seem to understand what I am saying to her. We would talk about everything. All she seems to understand is getting hugs. It is so sad. If only she didn't have this horrible disease.

I know. I was talking to my sister yesterday and I said imagine if a miracle cure came along and mum went back to normal. I said it would be like waking from a bad dream. Again I guess better than most is that we still have our mums. They are warm and alive and capable of giving and getting hugs.

 

[CollegeGirl]

Lately I have had several dreams where my mam is cured and back to normal. It's wonderful.

And then I wake up.

 

[Bearcubs]

I dream about my mom all the time. Some of my dreams she is out and about and has dementia and I have to keep an eye on her and she thinks everything is o.k. and other dreams are that she is in a nursing home and I am visiting her there. There is no getting away from this disease. Even when I go to sleep, I dream about her, none of them are when she didn't have this disease. It is always about her having the disease. If only you could get a break away from it. I really miss the mom she use to be before this terrible disease. I just hug her as much as she will let me. Sometimes she will let me hug her and other times she kind of pushes me away and says "that's enough". I could hug her all day.

Big hugs CG, I enjoy reading your posts. Have a lovely day!!

Bearcubs

 

[dottyd]

I can empathise, too. Isn't it hard? I used to spend hours on the phone to my mam, just chatting about this and that. Before I had children and worked full-time, she would take me to the Metro Centre on my half day off, because I was too nervous to drive there. When the kids came along she was a lovely nana. She always seemed to know what to do. Very level headed and practical, feisty, funny, strong.

I miss all that.

We all need our mums, don't we?

Aw! I'm in the same boat as you. Mum and I were a team. I have some lovely memories of her and I could cry when I think of how much I miss her as she used to be.

It's funny too because I'm also a nana and the way you describe your mum as a nana , it's the sort of nana I am , fun and feisty.

I want my grand kids to grow up having a laugh and sticking up for themselves when need be.

It's a family trait

 

[Perdita]

My mum constantly wanted home. Even when she was home she wanted home. She would finish get dinner and say "get my coat and shoes and order a taxi" so when she says she wants home from the care home we just presume it's the same thing. She gets really angry though when we say "this is your home" at least you know she is safe. I know about feeling guilty. I cried my heart out leaving my mum in the home. She looked so vulnerable. I kept going back in the room to hug her. Strangely enough she said to me "why are you crying?, I'll be fine". I feel better now knowing that she has a better standard of life and is getting the stimulation she needs.

The first Christmas mum was in a home she tried to run away from me when I took her back there Christmas evening. I spent the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day in bits, but she'd forgotten it five minutes after it had happened.

I miss my real mum too, the person in her body now is like a child that I don't know very well. The only good thing is that I can kiss her goodbye when I visit, my old mum didn't like kisses before, but now she does.

 

[Neph]

I know how you feel. I thought that after dad died me and mum would go out and do things like we always had and then she went downhill so fast I didn't get chance to grieve for dad and I had to deal with a woman I no longer knew.

She called out for me last night when I was there, but there was no recognition.

Sending you big hugs.

 

[Boredhousewife]

My mum loves looking at old photos and you know, so do I. My kids joined in too and I realized I still have a Mum, she's not the same no. But it's my turn to take on the world now and it's not easy all alone. But nothing worth having ever is. And for what it's worth you sound like you're doing the best job of it so far. Keep going, one day at a time. Maybe a chat with your GP about some mild antidepressants just to get you through. Accept what help you can get. You don't think you need it until you crash and burn. That's a bit of advice from a mum. Xxxx

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