I love you - that's why I'm breaking my heart

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Loulou, Aug 20, 2007.

  1. Loulou

    Loulou Registered User

    Jul 22, 2005
    My mum recently passed away with what has now been diagnosed as Vascular dementia.
    Whenever I said "I love you" she always cried and said "I love you too, that's why I'm breaking my heart".
    Wish I'd known this was her way of telling me she thought she wouldn't be around for much longer - I think she was scared of leaving me on my own - Just wish I'd known
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Loulou,
    How are you doing? My mum died July 19th - so I think we may be having similar feelings. Think all parents must worry about how there sons/daughters will cope - but I am sure that your mum knew, that after having the strength to care for her, you would have the strength to go on.
    Love Helen
  3. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    Hi loulou

    just read your post iam sorry to hear about your mum and how upset you are, i think it was nice your mum could say she loved you to you. My mum never uttered a word the last 4 years of her illness it would of broke my heart to to hear her say she loved me even though i know she did

    take care
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Loulou, I don't think it necessarily meant that she was frightened of leaving you alone, although of course that would depend on her personality. My mother used to say something very similar, but for her it was more about being distressed that I had to see her that way, and deal with everything that went along with the disease. Sometimes she would actually say "this is no life for you, I hope you have other interests than just caring for me".


  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #5 Margarita, Aug 21, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2007
    you do she told you the most beautiful words a mother can give to her daughter the words I love you , says it all .

    keep that memory of that moment safe in your heart , you may not perceive it now, because of your grief but she gave left you with a gift her love .

    I 'm sure as a mother myself she would not say that so you would torment yourself over those words now , but to know how much she always loves you .
  6. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    #6 my little girl, Aug 23, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2007
    My grandma died 10 years ago this coming January and suffered from the same form of dementia for the last couple of years of her life. I saw not only how it affected her but also the effect it had on my mum and the rest of the family - so although I have not experienced a parent suffering from this terrible disease, I have seen it first hand.

    If anything before she became ill, I used to be closer to my Grandma than my mum was. In fact she always called me "my little girl", hence my log in name.

    The last time I saw my Grandma alive was New Years Day1998 and one of the last things she said to me was "I love you - I'm proud to call you my daughter" When I told her I was Nicola not Freda she asked who Nicola was then repeated "I love you - I'm proud to be your mother" Not wanting to distress her further I replied "I love you - I'm proud to call you mother". I was so proud to have her as my Grandma I thought my heart would break as she didn't know who I was but at least she died knowing that she had told my mum how much she loved her & knew that my mum really did love her. I just hope she also knew how much I did too.

    Hold on to the memories your mum left you with and know that although you never truely get over the loss, it does get easier to bear with time.

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