1. parmit

    parmit Registered User

    Nov 12, 2009
    w yorks
    Im sorry to say I really lost it with my mum yesterday, after about 3 months of her waking up and pacing the flat every night after only 3 hours sleep I shouted at her and told her that if she wouldn't stay in bed at nights she would have to go into a home as we could not cope.
    I work nights while my partner looks after her and I have to try to sleep during the day while she is still pacing about asking for me.
    Last night when I put her to bed she promised me she would try to stay in bed.
    She only got up 4 times during the night,but stayed in her bedroom. all in the space of an hour, and this morning she said she was sorry she couldn't stay in bed but it wasn't her it was the other lady in her bedroom.
    She has just started different course of sleeping medicine, her second.
  2. GRH

    GRH Registered User

    Nov 2, 2009
    East Grinstead
    Hi Parmit,

    I know exactly what you are going through and I feel for you, I have lost it with my mom a couple of times.

    Last night she came into my bedroom and said that she could not sit downstairs because all the chairs are taken 'by the others' and that there is a 'tall boy' having a wash in the downstairs WC (we don't have a downstairs WC)

    Every night she asks me what time does she need to get up, every night I say 8am she always wakes me up 2 or 3 times a night and I am usually up at betwen 4am and 6am

    I am sorry I can't offer any advice as to how to handle it but I can say you are not alone, hopefully someone else can offer advice that we can all take on board

    Take care
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    We all lose it sometimes parmit, especially when deprived of sleep and having to work.
    I hope some effective medication can be found for all your sakes. xx
  4. Mymum

    Mymum Registered User

    Aug 11, 2009
    Losing it

    Everyone loses it sometimes - we are all under a lot of stress and pressure. Draw a line under the experience and start again. Could you ask any other family members to night sit even just the odd night now and again would make a difference. x
  5. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Hi Parmit

    I know exactly what you mean. I have had the same with my mum over the last 3 or 4 weeks and it is so hard. I have also lost it and can quite understand how you feel. It all came to a head last Sunday when she became acutely confused at about 4pm. Cut a long story short - she is now in hospital and they're trying to find out if an infection is adding to the confusion. I know she will come out with a care package but like you I will need to know that she will be calm during the night. I hope things get a bit better for you soon. Love and commiserations. Izzy x
  6. susiesue

    susiesue Registered User

    Mar 15, 2007
    Goodness!!! that sounds so familiar!! Every night we go through the same ritual about what time David should get up in the morning. Every night I say 'not before 7am'. He too then gets up every two hours during the night and is frequently dressed and ready for the day at 3am.

    I don't know what the answer is either - I have just recently posted about this too......good luck Parmit.
  7. sussexsue

    sussexsue Registered User

    Jun 10, 2009
    West Sussex
    Yes we all lose it, and isnt it wonderful to come on here and say so and not get judged.

    Trouble with AD is everything is based around the needs of the person with the disease and the carer is suddenly meant to be perfect. Well we're not. Some days we shout, some days we are mean, but most days we do the best we can.
  8. Sam Iam

    Sam Iam Registered User

    Sep 29, 2008
    Hi folks,
    I have learned I will loose it with mum every now and again and following loosing it I will feel guilty, right now if a leprechaun was to grant me a wish, I would ask for patience.
  9. Bookworm

    Bookworm Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    Co. Derry
    Yes this just about sums me up too - I try not to beat myself up about it - I am generally good natured, and generous to a fault but I get tired and have work pressures and just occasionally - yes - me too - It is good to air this as I'm really not a saint - but I try to give more than I know I have in my reserves and sometimes I hit the bottom of the oil tank without having noticed I'd got there - I call it being on the ceiling..... I think these occasions are getting fewer as my hbs health deteriorates.

    I am chronically sleep deprived just getting all my commitments for work, son, husband and other things fitted in. Fortunately i have a face that doesn't show it. That must be a qualification for being a newsreader at 7am - to have a face that does not look like crumpled sheets. You can't even tell I've been crying about 3 minutes after I stop.

    Currently I'm blessed with a Hb who needs excessive amounts of sleep - but I dread that wakening moment - & to have that several times a night - I don't think I would be saintly about that!! :rolleyes:
  10. ChristineR62

    ChristineR62 Registered User

    Oct 12, 2009
    NW England
    Add me to the list - I lose it regularly. In fact, yesterday, it was twice - in the morning before I went to work, and last night, when I got home.

    Being as sleep deprived as everyone else in our position, I try to stay in bed as long as I can in the morning, but that means a very tight schedule before I have to leave to beat the traffic and get a place in the car park (and if I get there when the car park's full, I have no idea where else I'd go, because I don't know the area very well). I lost 10 minutes (and time to eat breakfast) through looking for my watch - my mother, having beaten me downstairs, decided she was wearing it, in spite of the fact that it was hanging off her wrist. In the ensuing argument, she called me stupid, and without stopping to think, I just said, "I'm not the stupid one!" So that ratcheted up the guilt no end.

    And when I got home, I found that the pile of clothes that festoons her armchair was starting to migrate over to my chair, not for the first time. I was tired, I'd brought a takeaway home because I couldn't face cooking, so I was aware of that getting cold while I had to clear some space to sit down (no dining table, we're terribly uncouth, I'm afraid), my patience - what little there was - evaporated and I blew up again.

    The last straw came when she put talc on her food ... :eek:
  11. susiesue

    susiesue Registered User

    Mar 15, 2007
    Oh dear Christine!!

    Quite honestly I would find it easier to count the times when I haven't 'lost it' - I seem to spend all my time shouting at David - I know he's not deaf so what makes me think that by shouting he might understand what I am trying to say........

    I must admit the talc bit made me laugh (but I am not living with it!!) - don't they just do the weirdest things.....David likes to prune bushes with a pair of pliers:eek: and tried the other day to unscrew something with the handle of the screwdriver. However, recently, he has started cleaning the s**t off the bowl of the toilet with his fingers:eek: - this is all so different from the meticulously clean person he used to be.

    Anyway, someone called me Nurse Ratchett the other day!! and I don't think it was a compliment!!!!
  12. ChristineR62

    ChristineR62 Registered User

    Oct 12, 2009
    NW England
    You know something, susiesue? I don't think I'm actually angry every time I shout at my mother - I think it's a variation on that old joke about how, if you speak loudly and slowly in English to foreigners who don't speak English, that they will miraculously understand.

    There are other times when I'm alone, say in the kitchen, genuinely fuming, ranting and using Anglo Saxon words I would never dream of using in company - polite or otherwise - when I do feel anger, and that is totally different from how I feel when I'm having one of those screaming matches with my mother.
  13. ChristineR62

    ChristineR62 Registered User

    Oct 12, 2009
    NW England
    And oh my God! What is it with poo? In my mother's case, she goes out into the yard, picks up the dog poo with her bare hands and lobs it into one of the adjoining gardens! :eek: I try to poop-sweep as often as possible, but it's what happens during the time I'm at work that worries me!

    And my mother is complaining about me being horrible to her. The trouble is, you can't retaliate by telling her that you know best because she has Alzheimer's and hasn't a clue what she's doing. When I told her that lobbing dog poo into the neighbours' gardens was not socially acceptable, she looked at me as if I were speaking a foreign language!
  14. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    Hi Guys reading through these replies I notice there all from carers I don’t know but this could be something that dementia suffers do. I was diagnosed almost 10 years ago and yes I get up in the middle of the night and still do now rather than disturb my wife’s sleep, we sleep in separate bedrooms and its been doing this for over 9 years and yes I would love to go to bed and sleep through the whole night unfortunately I don’t and I don’t want to lie in bed wide awake for hours either so its best to get up I have never been a person that has a lie in if I’m awake I’m out the bed at home on holiday wherever I do try to be quite

    cheers Tony
  15. parmit

    parmit Registered User

    Nov 12, 2009
    w yorks
    reading through your replies its nice to know that I am not on my own in this, I am luckier than some of you in some sense, my mother can not get out on her own so we dont have the problem of the dog poo.
    Another of her latest 'tricks' is to turn all the photos face down...maybe she thinks that we are all too ugly to look at.
  16. Michele

    Michele Registered User

    Oct 6, 2007
    I'll second that one. Thank goodness for TP.

  17. larivy

    larivy Registered User

    Apr 19, 2009
    hi im going through the same thing with my mum at the moment if i get 4hrs sleep ive done well thats a bit at a time mum has been calling out on average 10 times a night the gp put her on medication although it has helped a little i find i still lay awake waiting for her to call. i am lucky because she cant get out of bed although on saying that she has managed a couple of times. it is so easy to lose your temper at the moment im ok because she is so frightened i just feel so sorry for her i agree with everyone else its so nice to have tp and not feel like your being judged and realising your not the only one going through this good luck larivy
  18. melisha

    melisha Registered User

    Jul 3, 2009
    Yorkshire UK
    Lost it

    I have lost it twice this week. Once when my husband seemed hell bent to thow himself out of a window because I had hidden the house keys and once when he "escaped" and crossed a busy road. He is almost blind as well as suffering from dimentia and cannot see traffic. When I shout he thinks it's someone else and asks for his wife to be phoned. Tonight he has tried to eat his comb thinking it's an icecream. This has been a bad week - he has emptied his wardrobes and I've found shirts and shoes all over the house. I feel guilty after shouting and do soon climb down as I know my husband's behaviour is totally out of character. What a dreadful disease this is.
  19. frederickgt

    frederickgt Registered User

    Jun 4, 2005
    I thinks you are all saints,I remember when i blew up.I was watching a football match with anna,at half time as the players left the field,Anna asked me "Well arent you going to feed them all? just a humorous memory,wish I had mre And I was still caring for Anna,or, am I glad that she is no longer suffering or confused.You are all saints, hold on to what you have,you never know how much longer you will have it.Ty for putting up with me,dont let my depression get to you
  20. parmit

    parmit Registered User

    Nov 12, 2009
    w yorks
    I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. My brother phones quite often but my sisters couldn't even be bothered to phone to see how mum is. They all live a couple of hours drive away.

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