i know the end is coming

[tinap]

hi all I haven't wrote on here for along time but often read through for support and guidance. I believe my mom is coming to the end and I feel numb and lost, mom was admitted to hospital a week ago after suffering respiratory arrest after being admitted I was told she had aspiration pneumonia they told me next 24 hours were critical. she came through that and was discharged to her nursing home 6 days later. She had only been out of hospital for 5 days due to 2 falls in two hours then found to have uti and chest infection, she was given two rounds of iv antibiotics during the two weeks she was in there. During this first admission she was rushed to coronary care and I was called to get to hospital as quickly as possible they pumped her full of drugs which did get rid of swelling in her legs and abdomen, she was found to have atrial fibrillation and left side heart failure after this she became really aggressive and they gave her anti pshycotic injections to try and calm her. once again I was told she could suffer heart attack or stroke at anytime she was discharged back to home not eating and immobile, she got worse through the those five days until she was totally unresponsive still hadn't eaten but it wasn't till she turned blue, throthing at the mouth and stopped breathing that the nurses sent for paramedics. She also had another uti which I wasn't told about until she was discharged, so she has had 3 rounds of iv antibiotics in three weeks as well as being on oral antibiotics prior to first admission for a chest infection. Since last Thursday when she was discharged on a stretcher back to the home she has had two teaspoons of yogurt and the last two days has slept and taken less fluids,she is very frail.
The nurse in charge spoke to me yesterday about having a dnr put in place and was going to ask the gp to put her on morphine for pain she is suffering. Mom hasn't been well for along time with serious health problems including mixed dementia but the last month has seen a massive deteriation. I don't want to lose my mom but its breaking my heart seeing her suffer this way.

 

[lexy]

deleted

 

[Tin]

Really feel for you tinap and am hoping your mum is as comfortable and pain free as is possible to be. Please take care of yourself and stay strong for whatever happens in the next few days.

 

[chrisdee]

Dnr

I would definitely get this in place asap. Your Mum has been through such a lot in a short space of time. DNR will stop these interventions and your Mum, I do hope will pass away peacefully in the Nursing Home. I say this with feeling as my Mum passed away last Wednesday 4th March, all meds withdrawn and DNR in place. It was her time.

 

[sunray]

it is so sad as the one you love comes to the end of their life. I have been there with my husband and my mother so have experienced similar feelings to what you are going through now. If you can suggest that she needs palliative care so she finishes her time pain free and comfortable. You will need a lot of strength to get through so call on friends and family to support you.

I agree with the others who have posted, get the DNR in place and ask nursing home staff to call you whenever you are needed rather than transporting her to the hospital. If she doesn't respond to the antibiotics there is no point. In her own familiar surroundings she can have a peaceful end.

Sue.

 

[tinap]

I am uh

Thank you for your kind words
Chrisdee I really appreciate you taking the time to comment please accept my heart felt condolences.
Mom is still fighting bless her even though every day she is getting weaker today she's not even strong enough to take two of her inhalers so they have decided to stop those and just give ventolin as the nurse can administer that the other two had to be drawn in by mom. Gp came yesterday dnr as been put in place aswell as not to be moved to hospital and withdrawal of all drugs except those which help with comfort.
My emotions were all over the place afterwards it's a horrible feeling my head tells me it's the right thing to do for mom but my heart says no. It seems such a lonely journey even though my daughters and husband do try to support I still feel so on my own and in some ways I really value it just being me and mom.I just want to hold her hand and make her feel safe the way she always has for me.

 

[canary]

I just want to hold her hand and make her feel safe the way she always has for me.

Then do that tinap. Touch and hearing are the last things to go Ive been told and it will give her comfort even if she cant respond. I was holding my much loved MILs hand, stroking her hair and talking to her when she passed on. It felt that I was able to care for her right up till the end.

 

[katie1]

Thank you for your kind words
Chrisdee I really appreciate you taking the time to comment please accept my heart felt condolences.
Mom is still fighting bless her even though every day she is getting weaker today she's not even strong enough to take two of her inhalers so they have decided to stop those and just give ventolin as the nurse can administer that the other two had to be drawn in by mom. Gp came yesterday dnr as been put in place aswell as not to be moved to hospital and withdrawal of all drugs except those which help with comfort.
My emotions were all over the place afterwards it's a horrible feeling my head tells me it's the right thing to do for mom but my heart says no. It seems such a lonely journey even though my daughters and husband do try to support I still feel so on my own and in some ways I really value it just being me and mom.I just want to hold her hand and make her feel safe the way she always has for me.

DNR is kinder at this time....
Hold her hand, stroke her her hair, be gentle, tell her you love her, you've always loved her, be with her......and remember your and her love will never die
thinking of you

 

[tinap]

I'm not sure why i'm writing this, I suppose I just need to voice what's going round in my head. Mom was very scared and agitated on Saturday she was talking about god being in the room and lots of people keep coming and going some she new and others were strangers, she was absolutely shattered but terrified to close her eyes begged for my daughters to come to her, which they did, wanting us all to hold her. I really thought its not going to be long now. I stayed with her all through Saturday night and Sunday, then she calmed at about 8pm so I came home for some sleep, when I returned yesterday she was unusually calm and very matter of fact telling me she was dying but was afraid I tried to reassure her she didn't need to be afraid. It was such a strange day because she then said she was hungry and ate a whole yoghurt then her dinner followed by mousse, the most she has eaten in the last month as been a teaspoon of yoghurt. When her granddaughter and great granddaughter came to visit she actually smiled and talked to them. For last month she as hardly opened her eyes been hardly speaking so we were all totally amazed. This has had me up all night tormented by the fact all medication as been stopped no more hospitalization and what if ???? could she recover ??? or is this like the calm before the storm? My head and emotions are in turmoil. Sorry for rambling I think I just needed to voice what's in my head.

 

[sunray]

Strange things happen on the dementia journey, no-one really knows what stage our loved ones are at. I got called in three times in the last twelve months of my mother's life when they thought the end was coming fast. I guess as always it is one day at a time and see how it goes. I wish you strength and courage for this part of the journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you.