I know I shouldn't moan but I will

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
925
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I feel guilty because things are so much easier for me than for a lot of other people on this forum, but I just had to have a moan.

Sunday afternoons are a trial. Mondays are our bin days and OH always took care of that, putting out the bins on a Sunday and managing the recycling. He just can't do it now as he gets confused as to what to put out and where. So I organise it but get him to help as he needs to be involved.

However once everything is out and we are back inside it's a case of "when are we doing the bins?". Then five minutes later he's putting his shoes on so he can go and do the bins. I explain they are done and he seems surprised but accepts it. Then after 10 minutes or so it all starts again. It goes on over and over again for about a couple of hours. It just seems such a major thing to him. I understand that but I do find it trying.

Then tomorrow morning when he hears the binmen he'll say "I've forgotten to put the bins out". It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
 

Trisha4

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
2,440
0
Yorkshire
Moan on. You're entitled. It's those kind of things that push me to the edge and sometimes tip me over. I feel for you. Unfortunately there's no clever response, just hugs x [emoji4]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
0
South coast of England
Hi Jean,

Please don't feel bad about having a moan. You are doing a great job in looking after your OH at home and things that seem trivial to outsiders can be the last straw to those involved. The constant repetition is something that most of us find hard (((hugs)))
 

livefortodaygil

Registered User
May 31, 2016
33
0
Hi, know exactly how you must feel about the dreaded bin day, it's such a big thing in our house now from its bin day tomorrow to which bin is it tomorrow then watching at the window and can't get out the house quick enough to get the emptied bin back in its home the next morning, and don't get me started on the tv remote could throw that in the dreaded bin, well suppose they do say things are sent to try you, sending you a hug
 
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Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,054
0
77
Colchester
Can't be any help I'm sorry. But I will say that it is another phase that will just stop. When ,I am unable to tell you. Hope it is soon. Is it possible to put it out when he is asleep.? Or tell a dementia lie about the day. Sorry not very helpful.x
 

Clunchman

Account on hold
Dec 6, 2016
286
0
.
That sort of thing hits all of us. With me yesterday full volume I am told, "we shop in Sainsbury's. Why has all the stuff in here got Tesco on it"? We were in Tesco. Three mins later, same thing.
 

technotronic

Registered User
Jun 14, 2014
223
0
Having a Moan

Hi, If you feel like having a moan this is place to come n let it all out, unburden the frustrations that wind you up while caring for your OH.
We've prob all been through a lot of the different things n phases suffers go through, so we've been through it ourselves n understand how you feel. Let it all out n feel a bit better in doing so :)
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
3,776
0
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Having a moan

Without this forum to moan on or comment on I would have no one at all to discuss this horrible disease with and would just go insane at times I think.
 

technotronic

Registered User
Jun 14, 2014
223
0
Without this forum to moan on or comment on I would have no one at all to discuss this horrible disease with and would just go insane at times I think.

I'm in same boat really, as none of my wifes friends want to know, not even her 'best friend' just across the road.
She has no living family, n what family i have left living (bro n sis) they don't wanna know either!
So its good that we have TP to come to with people on here in similar situation n understand what we go through, knowing how lonely & frustrating it can get at times n also can have a good moan or two as well :)
John
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
3,776
0
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
I'm in same boat really, as none of my wifes friends want to know, not even her 'best friend' just across the road.
She has no living family, n what family i have left living (bro n sis) they don't wanna know either!
So its good that we have TP to come to with people on here in similar situation n understand what we go through, knowing how lonely & frustrating it can get at times n also can have a good moan or two as well :)
John

My OH has three strapping sons and haven't wanted to know me for the 22 years I've been with their mum but now mum has dementia I am the bees knees as they just can't find time to look after their mum! Easy option to walk away but in it for the long haul and will care for as long as I can.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
925
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
We don't have any close friends that I can call on, so for moral support I find TP is great. In fact I think of you as my close friends now.

As for physical support I'm going to look at what is available and take what I can, as and when things get difficult. I lost my son to cancer last year but I have a daughter. Unfortunately she lives a long way and has small children to care for. She desperately wants us to move nearer to her as she worries about how I will cope. I just need to sell this house.
 

anniechan

Registered User
Mar 30, 2017
3
0
I live in Burwell Cambridge
Totally understand jenniferjean. I have the exact same thing with my husband

My husband is the same with medication. Every day he insists the doctor has missed one of his medications. I rang the doctor yesterday and I am taking him in for him to explain.





I feel guilty because things are so much easier for me than for a lot of other people on this forum, but I just had to have a moan.

Sunday afternoons are a trial. Mondays are our bin days and OH always took care of that, putting out the bins on a Sunday and managing the recycling. He just can't do it now as he gets confused as to what to put out and where. So I organise it but get him to help as he needs to be involved.

However once everything is out and we are back inside it's a case of "when are we doing the bins?". Then five minutes later he's putting his shoes on so he can go and do the bins. I explain they are done and he seems surprised but accepts it. Then after 10 minutes or so it all starts again. It goes on over and over again for about a couple of hours. It just seems such a major thing to him. I understand that but I do find it trying.

Then tomorrow morning when he hears the binmen he'll say "I've forgotten to put the bins out". It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Maisy76

Registered User
Mar 24, 2016
114
0
Hi Jenniferjean

So sorry to hear about the loss of your son. Life is very cruel sometimes. I am pleased to hear you have a daughter although it is a shame she does not live nearer.

Yes Talking Point is very useful during times when your OH, through no fault of his own I know, is nonetheless a little, shall we say, tricky to manage at times.

My poor mum with Alz was doing something similar – saying to dad or me and dad when I was round their house, “when are we taking the dog out?” over and over again, for hours and hours and hours, and getting up and putting on her coat and pacing around regardless of whether the dog had just been out or not.

This behaviour got so difficult for dad that, fearing for his sanity, I suggested we have a word with mum’s team at the Memory Clinic. They were really helpful. They carried out a home visit and took her off her Donepizil (Aricept) and started her on another medication called Mematinine. She is now much more settled. She was already on Trazadone as required for breakthrough agitation, but, since starting on the Mematinine, she has hardly needed these tablets.

It is not that I am an advocate of giving people medication just for the sake of it, but if it helps mum to feel less agitated and distressed and thus gives her an improved quality of life and makes looking after her a little bit easier for dad then it has got to be a good thing.

It might be worth having a chat with your OH’s Memory Clinic, or GP if he is not under a memory clinic and seeing what advice they can give.

Good luck and remember you always have people you can talk to on here.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
925
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
Thank you Maisy76. I hadn't thought of questioning his medication. I have made a note of what you have said about being agitated. The memory clinic said they didn't need to see him for another 12 months, but if I needed to contact them I could call. So if I feel the need I will call them and ask about changing his medication to Mematinine, and see what they say. At the moment I'm waiting for an appointment for him for a scan.
 

Maisy76

Registered User
Mar 24, 2016
114
0
Hi again

I'm pleased to hear you are under a Memory Clinic. Let's hope they can help and good luck with the scan.

Let me know how you get on.

Take care, M x
 

amandajh

Registered User
Feb 5, 2017
8
0
Essex
I have similar conversations with my husband every day about dinner. We always eat around 7.00, but repeatedly throughout the day he will say 'what time are we having dinner'? And i answer 7.00pm. So one day i said, lets have it about 5.00, he said no that's too early, so i said how about 6.00, and he said no, lets have it at 7.00! He must ask me a hundred questions a day .... it can be very wearing .... we just keep going xxx
 

pipd

Registered User
Apr 12, 2015
75
0
Leigh on Sea Essex
its like water torture

At the start of my dementia journey with my mum I remember reading on here somewhere that eventually you don't think about the answers you give to the constantly repeated questions. I didn't understand it at the time but three years down the line I have managed to have the exact same conversation with my mum several times each visit without batting an eyelid....it all just rolls off my tongue like a learned script for a play or TV show. The one issue I have is that my dad has also started to ask me the same question (just the one) over and over each time I go there too. Its a bit like water torture, sometime I can laugh about it all when I get home but other times I feel like I want to be put in a padded room. :eek::eek:
 

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