1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

i just want to scream

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by balloo, Dec 8, 2015.

  1. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    sorry just need to vent . I look after MIL who as VD and has lived with us for 3 years. Today I get up at 630 to her mess in the bathroom all over hand towel and pants stuffed in bath dirty(incontence pants) cleaned that up . I am wondering were all toilet paper is going because I now she does not use it anything but including hand towels ( that's 6 in as many weeks) Checked her room and there it is in tiny squares.
    cooked her a lunch as she sleeps a lot ( or at least goes to bed) .
    I go out for 5 mins to shop got back and plug out of sink has gone so I ask her if she has it. No she says so I check her drawer she loves putting things in and you guessed it there it is ,but it was not her apparently . AN hour later I her her come out of her room to go bathroom so I give her 5 mins and check she ok to find her knickers I hand dirty and again she said not her. I just don't worry lets clean you up and as she ready for bed I let her go. Am I mad doing this day in day out first 2 years not to bad but now its hard work and I work from home P/T as full time did nit work looking after her as well. i think I may have to give my work up which will break my heart but husband cannot as he the bread winner and could not clean up what I have to . Sorry for the moan just needed to rant some where instead of shouting at MIL.
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Scream away :)

    Could mil go to day centre or a lunch club to give you a break?
  3. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    stoke on trent
    Oh balloo I know exactly where you are comming from my dad is pretty much the same... So you scream away if it helps... I do.. My best wishes exhausted 2015
  4. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    we do have a sitter for 9 hrs a month so i can go out with husband but when we out we refuse to talk about his mum as its our time to chill. Only option round here is i took her they don't collect as far as i am aware although never been offered one and not sure where nearest is any way.
    I think i am getting stressed as my daughter will graduate next year and if we still in this situation not sure what we going to do as we are going but its a long way so would need to stop over so not sure who can have her i looked i to respite but thats a minimum of 2 weeks and cannot be booked plus at £2000 i think thats a rip off i cold go to greece for less. We did take her last year to greece but that would not possible now as anywhere strange she losese it. Thanks for letting me rant .I missed my graduation because of her.
  5. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    Oh Balloo. I do feel for you. In our case, it was cat filth on light switches and on walls. I got very, very upset over it all. The last two years hubby lived with me were heartbreaking, as there was no way I could stop those 'events' from happening. How do other care staff cope? There's no longer a disaster zone to deal with since he's been in care. I'm always amazed at that.
  6. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    Middle England
    Hi Balloo,
    I too live in a similar situation. My mum has lived with us for over 4 years and although she is still continent is a very angry verbally aggressive and, yes a very difficult and challenging personality. The best £2000 (of mum's money - she is in the 'self funding' category) spent was the 2 and a half weeks mum had in respite whilst I had my first holiday alone with hubby & our children in those 4 years.
    A break for me was a desperately overdue life boosting event - I suspect you need a break too - investigate homes further afield for cheaper rates and tell hubby that you need his help too to "sell" the idea to MIL. Money spent on respite is, in my opinion, money well spent and a no brainer if life is grinding you down so much and the money is there.
    Best wishes
  7. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    North Cornwall
    Hi balloo.

    I can understand your need to vent in the face of such a hard situation for you and your family.

    An Admiral nurse was telling me about a scheme called"shared lives" which I had never heard of. If you google it and have a look, it might offer you an alternative to CH respite.

    Here's hoping.

    Heidi xx

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