....i Just Want To Scream....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by citybythesea, May 28, 2008.

  1. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    coast of texas
    First of all I just want to apologize for rambling. I think of all the days I have been caring for mom...today has been the worst for me. She has slept most of the day....as have I. I've arranged for my office to be in here so I can care for her. Mom had never wanted to go into a nursing home...she detested them. I promised her that as long as I was capable I would keep her out of one. I am more than capable.

    As time has gone by with each new phase I have sought out what it would take to make life more comfortable. I spoon feed her, I change her "diaper" ( I really hate to use that word...it seems so degrading but that is what it is.) Thank God I have had the luxury of having at one time trusted someone to take care of her while I left the home. That person muddled my trust. I am now in the position of having it hard on me mentally. I did not think i would have such a time finding someone I could trust to come and sit with her even with hospice recommendations. I seem to be doing this to myself.

    Over time I have watched and read where others felt a tug between home care and nursing home care. I am here to say if you are still wondering....expect to lose it! I mean moms friends had ceased to come by before we moved, what little family we do have has chosen to hide from this, my neices, nephews and well thats it...they expect me to pack her up and bring her to them. My nephew is expecting his first son June 22..I am happy for him, but upset at the thought that he doesn't think to call and ask about her. (Never mind that he is living rent free in a home my brother and I own together) I want to slap this next generation into realizing that family is all you got...in most cases...and that friends come and go.

    Mind you tommorrow my middle son comes to visit for the weekend. He is coming by bus so he can drive with my daughter back to his house (He to lives rent free now thanx to my brother and I...so I'm not complaining about that..it's all equal) He wants to see his grandmother before she dies. He has closure to make with himself. I'm proud of him for stepping up. The thought of Elise being gone the first part of summer really scares me. She seems to have turned into my peephole to the outside world. She too, has to go for herself. The kids father have been given 4 months to live so it would seem that they are getting a double whammy. She will live with my son there as I don't want her staying with her father. (They need to connect and not her just go to take care of him)

    Well, I have been so rambling and I am so sorry to have been so long I just needed to vent. Danny has told me when he gets here I am to leave the house for a few hours and he will take care as he can. I am grateful for him....he has his rebellious side, but for some reason he has enough compassion in his pinky to make up for others. I only wish his friends would not take advantage of it.

    Today I will sit here and think of all the good I can muster. The sun outside with all the beautiful water and tides do not seem to be helping. It is most definitely time for a few hours break......and to those of you contemplating taking care at home, you doubly make sure you have a way of getting out for yourself for a few hours. It seems that since I have lost that I have been losing more of myself lately....and to those wondering why I don't ask my daughter, well let's just say that you need to be mentally strong to care in the late stages and this is something she has not been able to muster the past few months.
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Nancy.

    A crisis came for me and it sounds as if you are in crisis too. A crisis of a different sort, certainly, but a crisis all the same.

    The care you are giving your mother is daunting. However capable you are, and I don`t doubt it for a minute, it isn`t until you are forced to take a step back, as I have bneen , that you realize just how much mental, physical and emotional energy is put into 24/7 caring.

    Please try to take your own advice and get as many little breaks as possible.

    Love xx
  3. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    Hi Nancy

    What is TP for if not for a ramble now and again.;) So sorry to hear you have had such a bad day and feel so low. I take my hat off to you in your care for your Mom, you do an amazing job in very difficult circumstances.
    I would include several NOT in the next generation, it's amazing how even some family members in the same generation react.:(
    Danny sounds like a caring and compassionate young man, if he has that rebellion doesn't matter one iota. Take notice of him (as I now do with my son, after being told to stop trying to do everything myself and let people help me:))take him up on his offer and let him be proud to look after you.
    If we let them go with love, they always come back.
    Take care of yourself as Sylvia said, your tired,jaded and need to be able to find pleasure in the small things in life again. Sending best wishes and hugs 'across the pond'.
  4. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Nancy,
    Just sending you love and thoughts for you to have sometime for yourself.
    Along the path of caring we do forget ourselves.
    Why do we do it ? Because we love that person and only want the best for them.
    God Bless
  5. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    HI Nancy

    My thoughts are with you. You really do need some ME time. And when Danny arrives take as much time as you can possibly take just for yourself. Yes, be a bit self indulgent for once. You certainly deserve it.
    Take care
    Love Andres
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Nancy

    Why is it that 'troubles come, not in single spies but in batallions'?

    You sure have a batallion there. Yes, you are coping, but it is taking so much out of you, and of Elise, by the sound of things.

    Do try to make the most of Danny's visit. Perhaps you and Elise could have some quality time on your own together, that would help you both.

    Please take care of yourself, the journey you have undertaken is a hard one. But we're here to support you all we can.


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